There is always a mystery about the window on the end of this side of my building. Some new thing every night I walk past. The flicker of a computer; maybe a sign of a lonely attempt at entertainment, or maybe a movie being played for two. There is sometimes a warm, distant glow emitted, perhaps from the bathroom, that disappears shortly after its birth. Often, music leaks out, seeping into my unwilling ears.
Tonight I see the window is open. The brisk night air is invited inside as an old friend would be. Maybe your body grew too warm lying under your red blanket. The air was never too cold with our bodies touching, yet it is too much for my bare arms now standing outside. I shiver. The blinds softly dance in and out of the window, and I wish it were I intruding once again.
The blinds are being drawn up. The window is being closed. The nights are growing colder, and I think the breeze proved too cool for your lonely body. Or maybe it was too much for the new body entwined with yours. I want to walk a little farther, to glance inside and end the mystery of the window on the end. To see, if only for a moment, the hands that are working to close up that room from the world. Just a few more shuffles from my frozen, burning feet. But I cannot force myself to walk that far. I would rather continue dreaming from the outside of that ****** window, than to know that there is another me living inside.
Mar 7, 2013
Mar 7, 2013 at 10:08 PM UTC
My heart and my every breath are entwined in your motions.
One swift move and I am spinning, sputtering, seasick from your lack of loving.
You flicked me like a smoldering cigarette **** now I'm drowning in my *****
Jan 11, 2013
Jan 11, 2013 at 12:26 AM UTC
I should have stayed far away from you.
I recognized the magic you were capable of.
The gleam you put in my eye was a poisonous lie.
Every night you held me could have been the last, if you only wished it.
I remember your fingertips tracing my skin and my mind fills with spiders crawling over my flesh.
My lips recall yours, sweet and warm, and my mind sinks to times I was sick with wine.
Your strong embrace is now a prison in my head, entrapping me in your steel, hard arms.
Every word you spoke lured me farther from my sanctuary out into the cruel open world.
And you pounced.
Jan 11, 2013
Jan 11, 2013 at 12:25 AM UTC
Forgiven, such a strange emotion.
Can I release the anger, the hurt?
Is it fair to give that back to the world, when it was all meant for me?
Can I just let it go.. let you go.. so you are forgiven?
Is trying futile?
Will I feel free after freeing my heart from the feelings you gave me?
So much pain; the confusion alone crushed me.
Why did I deserve the treatment I received from someone who was supposed to care so much?
Why am I still full of so many questions?
I miss the nights fireside, burning up all over even after I drifted away from the heat of the fire.
I miss the hot breath and the opened hearts.
I still feel the impact, the importance, of the secrets shared.
I long for the comfort of your understanding.
But forgiven?
It still hurts. I still ache.
I will hold this with me always, I will take the weight.
You are free.
You are forgiven.
Jan 10, 2013
Jan 10, 2013 at 11:54 PM UTC
I want you to get on my nerves
To call me a "mother ****** and tell me you hate me
Just because you know it annoys me
I want you to push my buttons and test my patience
I want to be frustrated
I want to loose my temper and want to rip my hair out
I want to argue with you until we both have to go to separate rooms
I want to be so disgusted with you that I scream
If I still had those moments, I would still have you
You rolling over and cuddling me in the night
You waking up with the sweetest grin
Your eyes, so soft and inviting
Your love so strong it intoxicated me
Your hug that felt forever long
If only it was really forever, if only.
Nov 25, 2012
Nov 25, 2012 at 9:00 PM UTC
Your morning breath could beat all others
Even on ogre who never knew toothpaste
It would make me want to turn my head and wretch
I used to dread waking up before you
I would have to lay there and endure this torture until you awakened
But now, I know how lucky I was
How lucky to be able to smell your morning breath every morning
To wake up to you, to the sweet bacteria that grew in your mouth all night
I would kiss you now, kiss you till my face turned purple
Though my eyes would water and my stomach would turn
I would smell your morning breath night and day
Just to have all of you back
Never again will that sweet, sour stench pass my ungrateful nostrils
And I miss it
I miss you
Even the smell of your stinky morning breath
Nov 25, 2012
Nov 25, 2012 at 8:53 PM UTC
Endless touch coming from your finger tips
I feel it every night
Soft and slow
So passionate
It engulfs my body in flames
While giving me chills to the bone
I shiver and sweat and move closer to you
To your touch
Your one touch that will drive me crazy forever
One touch that will satisfy me
And comfort me
One memory of a touch long ago
Because your fingertips now touch the darkness engulfing you
As the memory of your touch engulfs me
Nov 25, 2012
Nov 25, 2012 at 8:40 PM UTC
"Go home," you said
You didn't think twice
Home is just another word in your vocabulary
Home is mom and dad
Home is where the heart is
Just another word
But it isn't
There is so much meaning
In those four letters
I think on it
And I wonder
Where is my home?
Where do I get that warm, comfortable feeling
Of being surrounded by loved ones
Filled with love
Laughing freely
Home, where you climb in bed and dream
Sweet dreams
But not before the Monster Spray
To protect your innocence
Wake up and feel safe
Home, where you fit in
And you have no fears
No insecurities
I have no such place
So where, exactly, do you suggest
That I go
When you so rudely, so absentmindedly
Demand that I "Go home"
Oct 21, 2012
Oct 21, 2012 at 10:55 PM UTC
Heart is soaring
Grin could lift a mountain
Laughter warped into a beautiful melody
Bodies so warm, so soft
The sweet smell of your movements
The gleam in your eyes when you glance my way
Looking each other over
Not missing an inch
Softly tracing every outline of you
Your lips, your ears, your shoulders
All the way down your strong back
Kisses in every place
Shuddering from your fingers brushing against me
Yet I push
I keep my distance
Because I know these things are what I'll think of
When I'm laying in bed
With my face buried in my pillow
Crying and aching and hurting over you
I'll think of your touch
I'll remember your kiss
I'll long for your warmth and the smell of your hot breath
I have to keep the hurt down
Because I know that every lovely thing about this will hurt
Oct 14, 2012
Oct 14, 2012 at 1:36 AM UTC
Don't breathe.
Don't do it.
I know it burns, deep inside your lungs.
I know the tears are pushing, so intent on escaping your weak little eyes.
I know the cries are becoming too sharp, too desperate to hold in.
I know it's hard.
I know it hurts.
I know.
Don't breathe.
Don't do it.
They will hear you.
They will know you lost, you gave in.
They will ask you why you are upset, as if they don't know.
They will look at you with their caring eyes and bore holes into you.
They will crush you.
They will.
Don't breathe.
Don't do it.
Breathing will make your head spin out of control.
Head as light as baby's black balloon.
The reality will set in, and you will know this is real.
There will be no escape from the paralyzing pain coursing through your body.
The world will start caving in on you, and the world is so heavy.
You will be pushed and pulled in so many directions at the same time.
Don't breathe.
Don't do it.
Your brain will eventually stop thinking, your heart will forget the hurt.
Your dreams will start to form again, they will bring you back.
Your body will not cry out any more.
So just don't breathe.
Not now, not yet.
Don't do it.
Oct 14, 2012
Oct 14, 2012 at 1:14 AM UTC