emily-----
College Student. Writing brings me back to life on a daily basis. I believe there is good in everything- you just have to find it. Be yourself, be confident, and know that you will get through your demons. I have. And I will continue to live for myself. No person, no illness, no struggle can define you. Believe that.
**Our souls met long before we
dreamt of ever setting eyes on
each other, otherwise why
does it feel like I've known
you for a thousand years?**
Aug 9, 2016
Aug 9, 2016 at 4:42 AM UTC
If
You are always sorry
When
You think back
And
You only worry
When
You think ahead
Then
You will only find
Your
Peace of mind
After
You are dead
WIZDUMBs BY JA 414
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 12:51 AM UTC
I close my eyes and picture my funeral.
I drive and contemplate every possible accident.
I stare at the window as if its an escape
And buildings as beautiful, cruel opportunities that I keep passing.
I ******* hate the way my mind works.
I have nothing that detrimental in my life-
yet i keep searching for an exit.
Why have I been like this for 3/4 of my life?
Enlightenment is appreciated
Intellectually thinking, I’m grateful that I understand
how much pain this invisible demon is on my chest.
Empathy is what is driving me and killing me.
I love you all so much.
I am sorry I cannot be stronger.
Ignorance to my issues is making me sick.
Why the **** can no one leave me alone.
I don’t want you here.
My door is never ******* closed.
And yes, you have imposed.
But i will keep my mouth shut
Offering advice and smiles
but
You won’t do the same for me.
Im glad you’re so easy to please
as i nod and smile at every word you people mutter to me.
The sighing, the crying, the huffing and puffing
what the **** is wrong with you?
I keep running away
but I’m running in place.
I see a hope thats hard to find
But i won’t run away from it.
I want to end it all
but guess ******* what!!
I don’t want to hurt anyone.
But laugh it off, cause thats what i would do, right?
Make a joke out of it.
She won’t actually do it.
She would’ve done it already
She's all talk
She is always smiling and laughing.
Theres no way she is serious.
I hope that every single person who has said that to me, remembers that as they pay their respects to me.
I do not want them to be filled with regret or feeling naive.
I just hope they understand now.
How easy it is for someone to break
Who was never really that much whole.
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 12:43 AM UTC
Darkness calms me.
Knows me.
Quiet, alone.
Daylight is a mask.
An illusion.
I try to be bright
but I'm ******* burning
on the inside.
Craving the shadows,
yearning for silence.
My mind screams;
voices remain still.
Loving the pain.
Dreaming about my solitude-
alone
Apr 18, 2016
Apr 18, 2016 at 11:39 PM UTC
I never can be alone
This dorm room is a revolving door
When my phone lights up
Anxiety fills
Just leave me alone.
Even while asleep
I am being woken by the
Bodies that fill this small space
I am forced to live in.
The pointless conversations are nauseating.
Listening to their voices
Imagining I am elsewhere.
Can they not tell I just want to be in solitude?
I cannot act bothered.
My empathy for their problems
Is killing me slowly
So draining.
They have written my death already.
Just by nagging someone who is
Just too fragile.
But I will continue to be there for them.
If they only knew what went through my head…
I know they would be there for me.
So lend a hand.
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 5:31 PM UTC
How do you look your parents in the eyes
Knowing last night you took so much ****
In hopes of never waking up again?
How do you respond to your friends?
And loved ones?
When they say you light up a room
As you drown in guilt knowing every second
Spent in that moment, you wish it would end.
This is what you do.
Tell yourself these feelings will pass.
One day you will gaze upon the highway
Not imagining a tragic accident.
You will see the road in a brighter sense
You will close your eyes and not imagine an end.
I promise you.
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 4:57 PM UTC
I'm happiest at 4:25 in the morning
few cars on the highway
and fewer voices in this space
something about being alone
in peace and quiet
provides me with the solitude and time for
reflection that keeps me sane
I never know what keeps me up
but I know what keeps me away
The noise of the day is approaching
And while I can feel my heart getting heavy
i long for the next time 4:25 and I meet again.
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 4:22 PM UTC
That stiff manor
And the lifeless grin was enough to
Freeze me.
Love is not supposed to be pulling teeth
To be noticed.
You taught me that mediocre exists.
The love before you
Taught me passion is not just
Drunk tears at 3 am and
Deceiving words.
I went from burning hot to freezing cold.
I don’t know what normal is and
I don’t know if I ever will.
I learned to set my own temperature.
I am in control of my own degree of love.
To find a happy medium would be ideal
But I have come to the conclusion I chase after extremes.
Whether it is extremely boring, or extremely exhilarating
It gives me life.
Mar 22, 2016
Mar 22, 2016 at 8:53 PM UTC
Feelings of accomplishment are short-lived.
As are feelings of pain.
Pipe in hand, to lip,
smoke in the air,
short-lived.
The rain drop ripples forming on the surface,
short-lived.
New buds of Spring,
pink and green,
short-lived.
Even the trees
warming my home
piece by piece.
I'll walk once more
around the pond
before bed.
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 10:29 PM UTC
Cheap flowers in the sink
A card with lies cast in the bin
Beers are frosting in the freezer
Shivering next to the ice cream
I scream
You scream
The neighbours bang the wall
A framed photo whizzes past my head
A family behind shattered glass
I turn to leave
Insults fly
I want you in my past
Exit hysteria
Outside another world
The curtains twitch across the street
What are they looking at?
Life?
What have I become
Sirens in the distance
Run you idiot run
Door crashes behind me
I spin to see that maniacal grin
Thrusting your fists toward my gut
Something sharp breaks the skin
The world slows on its axis
Just like the first moment I saw you
And as I slip from consciousness
Your enraged blood splattered face
has never looked more beautiful
So full of life
Farewell my valentine
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 10:23 PM UTC