I now understand the non-crust people
The people who don't eat the pizza crust
You know those people?
The ones who don't eat the crust after they finish the pizza?
When the marinara
The mozzarella
And the accoutrement are gone
That last piece of bread
With nothing else on it
Nothing but crust
You know those people?
You probably grew up with those people
The non-crust people
And you ask
Why don't you want your crust?
My favorite part is the crust!
And they say
I just don't need it.
I just don't like the crust.
Why don't they want the crust?
What's so bad about just bread?
There's nothing wrong with the crust
I never thought there was anything wrong with the crust
I genuinely did love the crust.
But I've reached a point,
Where I've had too much crust
And not enough of what makes a pizza,
A pizza
Feb 24, 2023
Feb 24, 2023 at 12:08 AM UTC
everyone's got their **** together,
but me
everyone's out there succeeding,
and being
i'm just the girl at the bottom of the hole
trapped at the bottom
just gasping and grasping
for air or a ladder
maybe a hand?
someone to pull me up
so I can stand
and I know who I'd ask,
but he isn't here
I'm supposed to be older
I'm supposed to be wiser
"This is independence
pick yourself up!"
But how do you stand
when you're sinking so fast
you can't even grasp
the idea that you're
already sinking
just sinking,
lower
and lower,
into the hole
and you're spiraling now
because you thought that you had it
you thought you could pick yourself up
off the ground
you thought you could just climb right out
of that hole you fell down,
the one that he put you in
because how could he do this to you?
but HE'S just being INDEPENDENT
so WHY can't YOU do it?
It's not HIS hole you fell down..
and that's when you realize
you're stuck in this place
but you dug it yourself
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 11:06 PM UTC
Sometimes I dread showering because it means I have to walk by the mirror
And I hate the idea of seeing myself
How I look
How others must see me
It is the one thing I truly fear:
Myself
Most days a fake smile is enough to believe I'm happy,
Some days I can't fake it no matter how hard I try
I'm in a slump and I feel useless
I don't want to get up
I don't want to sleep
I don't want to create
I don't want to exist
Its too tiring
But when I think of the people I'll disappoint if I just left,
I cry because they'd be devastated
I can't drown my sorrows in alcohol because I don't like it
I can't numb the pain with drugs because I can't afford them
So I sit here,
In the shower,
Trying to scrub it away
Letting the water cleanse my pores
And my soul
Even though in the next 10 minutes it'll be like it never left
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 12:09 AM UTC
There's a reason people think I'm mean
why I seem so hateful and different
I guess I used to be so nice to everyone
because I needed to hide behind a mask
a mask that made me seem happy
made me seem kind
Of course i'm still kind,
I know what it feels like to feel
left out
disliked
alone.
So I'm nice to the people I know need it
the people like me,
who need someone to tell them it's okay,
like a flower needs the sun
we all want that warmth,
that warmth that is the love of those around us
I know that my parents think I'm different
I'm not the same little girl they once knew
I'm not cheerful
I'm not optomistic
Something broke inside me
like a bone when you hit the ground
For some, the bone might heal correctly
And come back stronger,
making them a better person
those are the people we want to know about.
the damaged people who became normal
But what about the others?
The bones that didn't grow back?
The bones that became twisted
and cracked again
the ones weaker than before.
no one wants to hear about those people
because no one wants to be tied down
or responsible,
for that sob story in their doorway
I don't know where I fall yet.
I'm still in the process of healing
and I have been for nine years.
every time I get close, something bends the bone a little
and sends me down a hole of pain
So no.
I'm not that happy little girl.
I'm not innocent anymore.
and that mask i kept on so tight,
the mask I wore to make you feel better,
to make you feel happy.
because i wanted you to be happy
It made me feel good for just a second,
when you would smile and forget about what made you sad.
That was my job
to make you happy.
I needed your smile,
never thinking of when I should smile too.
the only smile I knew was the one I painted on the mask
Maybe somewhere along the line, I asked myself;
When will I be happy?
and maybe it was selfish,
maybe it was inconvenient
but I ask myself that question every day
because this mask is getting a little too tight
and I need something long lasting,
because your short smiles aren't enough anymore.
once it's gone I get the shakes,
like an addict.
I need something to remind me to be happy.
there's an app for everything these days,
I wish there was an app for happiness.
You're the only one who makes me happy.
Lets me take the mask off now and again,
but Then I have to put it back on,
and wear it home
and I sleep in it,
eat in it,
shower in it,
This mask is getting tighter,
and I hope you won't be mad
when it just breaks.
May 25, 2018
May 25, 2018 at 12:24 AM UTC
The people in this class are young
younger than I am,
and far more annoying
I have not learned a single thing,
I see no point to be here,
but i need this class you see,
for I need the credits
to walk towards my future.
my ability to graduate hangs in the balance
I hate that I must sit here
no way out,
listening to him mumble out words
in his thick accent
and his mouth getting in the way
of whatever the hell he is trying to say
I hate this class
so.
****
much.
I swear to GOD
May 24, 2018
May 24, 2018 at 1:53 PM UTC
I don't ACTUALLY know what it's like to have a boyfriend
I mean I do, because I have one
And i'm not saying I don't love it or him because I do
I'm just saying that I think I only know what it feels like when I can prove it
Because whenever he's not with me
Which is more than when he is
I feel like he's an idea
Not a reality
And I want that reality so bad
I need that reality
I crave it
Because my ideas will tear me apart of I let them
Because the stuff I can come up with
Kills:
It kills dreams
Memories
Hopes
Fantasies
And replaces them with:
Fears
Assumptions
Obsessions
And Nightmares
Jun 27, 2017
Jun 27, 2017 at 2:24 AM UTC
I have no time
To search underneath the bed
For monsters that I left behind
I have to move on
And let the monsters run free
Let them terrorize the fact that
There's something wrong with me,
Oh, my personality,
It is no normality,
And these god forsaken monsters
Are driving me to insanity
May 21, 2017
May 21, 2017 at 8:20 PM UTC
It's always my fault
It's always me
I'm always blamed
I'm always framed
I've learned to take it
And accept all the punches
I wake up with these knives in my back
I go to bed with these bruises
"If you hadn't"
"You should've"
"Maybe if you"
"Why didn't you"
"Shut up"
"I don't want to hear it"
"Just shut up!"
"That's not your job!"
"You're going through a phase"
"What s wrong with you?"
"I don't get you, no one does"
"JUST STOP!"
"I CAN NEVER GET A WORD IN!"
I'M SORRY
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that all I can say is sorry
Because anything else isn't acceptable
Apr 2, 2017
Apr 2, 2017 at 10:23 PM UTC
I couldn't tell you the future, but I can't even remember my past
How do we know the differences, we strive to make, will grow and last?
I couldn't tell you that I understood because you wouldn't believe me anyway
And I couldn't tell you my opinion because you'd have so many other things to say
Some say my opinion doesn't matter,
While others say we need the free speech!
Some say my goals are all that matter,
Others say they're too hard to reach
I couldn't tell you the truth,
Because it's buried so far in the ground
All I can be is confused by the opinions that are floating around
These facts are not facts,
These truths are not truths,
And they should not matter at all to you.
But....
They do.
And you never know how they appeal to you or why they do,
But no matter how much you hate them you want to know what others think of you...
But do yours matter to them?
That's a horse of a different color.
If theirs matter to you,
Wouldn't yours matter to them too?
Maybe nothing matters.
I'm afraid I couldn't say.
That's why it's up to you
To find your own way.
Don't listen to the liars, and the cheats, and the cads,
Don't listen to your mothers, your brothers, or dads.
Just live your truth and speak your mind
Remember opinions aren't facts but they're no less kind
What is my truth?
What do I stand for?
I couldn't tell you
Simply because I don't have a truth.
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 12:47 AM UTC
we are not guided
you don't get a map
there are no instructions,
no teachers or angels,
you blaze your own trails
fall down your own holes
every step you take
will be your triumph or mistake
and it's up to you
if you bend and break
don't
blame your mother,
sister,
or brother
it was you all along
you weren't guided
Feb 15, 2017
Feb 15, 2017 at 5:25 PM UTC