I am so disappointed that my mind allows my heart to waste its tears on you.
I become vexed as my sanity is swallowed by the treacherous waves of your image
drowning and teasing my every thought
all that surrounds me is tarnished by a you i once knew
and all that remains untouched.....is lacking
leaving me to fantasize about you
polluting all that is pure and healing in my life
I want to inhale you
getting higher and higher as your fumes cloud my rationality
no words nor actions have yet to give me a key to forever lock this crooked door
A door that has no path on the other side of its succulent mouth
I could gaze into that doorway all.....day....long
knowing that any journey beyond it would be fruitless
no land to discover
no treasure to be found
in fact, the only fascinating thing about you,
you who lives just beyond that crooked door,
is me.
You are the Narnia my mind has created
for my heart to explore.
A scratch here and there is to be expected.
But the heart knows better than the mind,
for her wounds are still licking themselves,
whimpering as thoughts of you pretentiously prance upon them.
I get drunk off those thoughts.
and then blind.
and then vulnerable,
as your words unlock a secret door I could have sworn I told no one about
Imploring that I "drink" you, as if i haven't already been drunk off of you for years.
foolish foolish mind of mine
and foolish heart too,
looking through that door, not recognizing
the reflection of a fantasy its own rhythm had written.
Falling victim to a fabricated romance between
my heart's desire and my mind's relentless entrapment.
Your words,
the claws that make it impossible for me to escape.
A scratch here and there is to be expected.
and suddenly, time repeats itself
and that crooked doorway, once again, begins to resemble paradise.
Oct 16, 2014
Oct 16, 2014 at 2:27 PM UTC
That heavy sigh that makes you think
"without my anchor, I might sink"
but when it's rusting to the core
nothing the same as it was before
Perhaps it's better to float for a bit on my own
explore the shadows of my being, and do it alone.
for my heart and my thoughts have always been shared,
i'm scared that for loneliness, i'm not prepared
but if life's a journey, i'm packing my bags
shred the insecurities, leave those for the past
leave my anchor where he's fastened,
forever there he'll lay
and though the destination is unclear
i'll let the ocean take me where it may
Oct 16, 2014
Oct 16, 2014 at 2:02 PM UTC
I want you so badly
to hold you in my arms and to be held in yours
but how can you and I be,
when I am just a shadow underneath a shaded tree?
A better view they cannot see
see me crying
trying to impress the less knowledgable
skimming through your details
bypassing the fine print
in which i have made my mind a home
yet i'm hidden
blended with the clouds that passersby admire and watch
while you fill their heads with your beautiful words
Ears were meant for hearing but mine filter your sounds
into love
life's filters are meant to cleanse the vile and harmful thoughts
that are trapped in my mind
polluting us
for I am your secret
a hidden shadow too outspoken to be heard
too quiet to be listened to
I want so badly to be discovered
remove that stain which blocks your view of me
that area not polished
for its landscape is too rough to house
my most tender and buried emotions
strumming your heart strings with calloused fingers
your heart strings even more so
Perhaps that's why the sounds are so sweet
to us and no one more
open up to me
it is time to walk through that crooked door
together
I, me, and your shadow
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 2:11 PM UTC
He needed contacts to see
although his sight was sharp
he was blinded by the sight of me
unable to overlook the love-proof tarp
he needed a brace to straighten out
his back, perfectly aligned
yes, he needed a brace to straighten out
he was in trouble all of the time
i needed rehab to cleanse my soul
i've been drug free all my life
for my heart had been buried in a hole
loving him brought me this strife
he needed hearing aids to hear my words
"i love you is all i'd say"
he'd pay more attention to the flying birds
and i'd love my life away
i needed a brain to make me think
i was wasting all of my time
on a boy that made my heavy heart sink
and for that pain there is no rhyme
A pen and paper is all I need
unfortunately no words to write
for even if there was a letter to read
his mind would be on someone else at night
i need some stitches for these wounds
no operation was performed
my love for him just bled right through
his feelings never formed
you needed ears to hear my song
a heart to know it's true
my fantasy could not last long
i'm living it through you
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 1:56 PM UTC
does absense truly make the heart grow fonder?
or does it string along a road towards forgetfulness?
my worries deepen as the clock's hands run
by now their bodies emaciated due to time passed
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 1:45 PM UTC
My shadow walks in front of me
Tells me i've been following
f a r
t o o
l o n g.
it's time for me
to take the lead
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 1:39 PM UTC
I turn my music louder so I don't have to hear myself cry
I turn my back to reality and choose to sit on the naive part of the bench
Won't let the blue slide distract me....
My problems seem much more vibrant than the thick plastic makeup of this childhood playground
My own childhood recedes as love envelopes me
Your voice lingers in my head, whispering "I love you"
but it shouts when I hear you say "I can't"
I write my feelings down on paper so as not to spoil the sweet, innocent air that surrounds me
My pain is poured out of my pen and onto this paper,
Out of my eyes and onto this wooden bench
thats been marked with love and promises of forever
Promises that will never float off of your lips and kiss my ears
I love you
I turn my music louder so I don't have to hear myself cry
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 1:36 PM UTC
Writing.....much like two lovers
so succumbed by each others' depth
that they forget all that surrounds them.
Writing is a passion,
a way of life that is filtered
through the thoughts of the undecided reader.
poets unknowingly spill words of genius
onto an absorbent sheet of permanence.
reading it over,
admiring each word
like a
piece
of
art,
a painting colored by details that are unrecognizable to the artist.
Not stolen,
not original,
not real to its maker.
As if to have been in a daze whilst cooking up this newly inspired recipe. Blindly painting college ruled lines
with words concocted in a high.
A high off of thoughts
whetted by the thoughts of words.
a constant cycle of
emotions,
words,
poetry....
emotions,
words,
poetry.
writing is inspiring,
enlightening and beautiful.
If only everything could write.
if only everything were written.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 5:25 AM UTC
I think I said my last goodbye to you.
Like an ember struggling to burn brighter,
this story is coming to a close.
The writer’s hand is weary,
or maybe, he is drawing a blank.
Like I did when I saw you.
When I hugged you.
Your wordless eyes staring into mine
giving me no sign of what was playing behind them.
Was I just a breeze among the many fall days?
Was I just a moment passed and left for then?
You were supposed to be.
Supposed to be gone and meaningless,
but you came back to shake my sleep.
Back to haunt and distort my desires,
and now I want you.
I want the lips I once kissed and took for granted.
I want your words that once made my naïve eyes roll.
I want your softness,
and your love.
You wanting me.
All of it.
All that I do not have,
all that has passed through my hands,
and through my soul.
The thought of you lingers
like the last brown leaf on a mid winter’s branch.
It clings like static to my hair.
I cant escape it.
I cant escape you.
You are freedom
and passion
and lust
and spontaneity
A bird with no due north.
Just soaring above us, who know nothing.
Who thought we knew everything.
I thought I knew everything.
You are a phoenix.
Born from the ashes in my mind.
A phoenix that had laid dormant,
with seemingly no hope to rise.
But you rose with an everlasting fury,
blowing the embers that were floating away
to create a fire within me.
A fire I wish to put out,
but only you can tame.
Please, my love
I do not wish to burn
May 18, 2014
May 18, 2014 at 11:11 PM UTC
And she ran as fast as she could
Down the street
Lit by the tall, towering trees of light
As the crisp fall breeze whispered across her cheeks
She had to hide it
For what was in her hands
Was not a possession of her own
It twinkles and rekindles itself in her palms
The brightest burning star in the universe is hers to keep
It belongs to no one
Now that she has it in her damp, trembling, palms.
“This is my future”
She hummed into the night air
As the brothers of her hidden treasure
Continued to lead the way for her.
“This is my future,”
She sang as her pace quickened
And stardust flew from her hands
Like the softest sand floating
As if in slow motion
To another destination.
It lit up the trail she left behind
Concealing her past with a brighter future.
Today was the day she learned how to fly!
She finally untethered her wings
And reached for the moon;
And it happened,
Just like they always said it would,
Despite her fears
And mistrust in her passions,
Despite everyone telling her “no”
And suffocating her aspirations with their words,
Despite all of it
She was able to land amongst the stars.
And she’s finally doing it.
She’s finally living
The way it was meant to be.
By feeling It all.
May 18, 2014
May 18, 2014 at 10:55 PM UTC