dustin-wills - Hello Poetry

Normalicy is living up to a bigger name Unattainable in all the right ways A bitter sweet dream that you can't help but Reach for. It is a false sense of security on a "normal" day And the crushing weight when something goes wrong Knowing you'll never be normal As long as you worry Anxiety is your least favorite friend But somehow your closest It’s a title you try to wear proudly Claiming “titles don’t define me” But somehow the symptom list consumes you With every “please don’t do that” And you’re sinking deeper with “it’s not that big of a deal” You’re drowning when they do it anyway Anxiety is a trigger list longer than a prescription name And missed phone calls everyone’s used to Knowing you’re the disappointment as plans fall apart A broken heart when they just quit calling It’s your ticking time bomb on when you’ll be fired When people will leave and you don’t try to convince yourself that they wont anymore Because everyone does It’s easier to leave than to help and to understand It’s the toxic part of you that you try to hide Cover it with bandaids And hope they ignore the radioactive poison through your veins And you’re just trying to feel like you’re not poision It’s an IM box that understands and a parent that doesn’t Knowing you’re not alone but feeling it anyway Because when you’re choking for air and getting weird stares You’re alone

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Apr 3, 2013

Apr 3, 2013 at 4:40 AM UTC

dustin-wills

Anxiety Is

Normalicy is living up to a bigger name Unattainable in all the right ways A bitter sweet dream that you can't help but Reach for. It is a false sense of security on a "normal" day And the crushing weight when something goes wrong Knowing you'll never be normal As long as you worry Anxiety is your least favorite friend But somehow your closest It’s a title you try to wear proudly Claiming “titles don’t define me” But somehow the symptom list consumes you With every “please don’t do that” And you’re sinking deeper with “it’s not that big of a deal” You’re drowning when they do it anyway Anxiety is a trigger list longer than a prescription name And missed phone calls everyone’s used to Knowing you’re the disappointment as plans fall apart A broken heart when they just quit calling It’s your ticking time bomb on when you’ll be fired When people will leave and you don’t try to convince yourself that they wont anymore Because everyone does It’s easier to leave than to help and to understand It’s the toxic part of you that you try to hide Cover it with bandaids And hope they ignore the radioactive poison through your veins And you’re just trying to feel like you’re not poision It’s an IM box that understands and a parent that doesn’t Knowing you’re not alone but feeling it anyway Because when you’re choking for air and getting weird stares You’re alone

32

Look into the mirror Mrs. ******* Cry out your narcotics Yell at your dealers, It helps you feel alive Who are you? Gaping hole in your chest Won’t ever leave you Daddy and Mommy? They left, they aren’t coming back Heart so tattered and worn How many people call you a ***** You’re still young though You’re body doesn’t have much time left Needle pinpricks razorblades Your body hates you Apologize though no one’s listening Your razor is your only friend Old friend The only ones you ever had I don’t know why you self destruct Maybe you’ll get your head out of the clouds soon New friend Non existent for you Who will you turn to? I miss adoration You’ll be alone for a long time ano?

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Feb 27, 2013

Feb 27, 2013 at 3:06 PM UTC

dustin-wills

Untitled

Look into the mirror Mrs. ******* Cry out your narcotics Yell at your dealers, It helps you feel alive Who are you? Gaping hole in your chest Won’t ever leave you Daddy and Mommy? They left, they aren’t coming back Heart so tattered and worn How many people call you a ***** You’re still young though You’re body doesn’t have much time left Needle pinpricks razorblades Your body hates you Apologize though no one’s listening Your razor is your only friend Old friend The only ones you ever had I don’t know why you self destruct Maybe you’ll get your head out of the clouds soon New friend Non existent for you Who will you turn to? I miss adoration You’ll be alone for a long time ano?

25

Walk faster push harder Look for a light in the sun All though all around you it feels like it dying You're dying there's no air there's no fun You're drowning alone and suffocating The salt being poured down your throat Strangles your cries for help You can't hardly breath much less float So why try? Why not give up? The bodies around you have done it The blood that you drown in could fill gallons and cups But you don't You're still here You're alive Dispite what you fear I am too And so are the others My pain won't be so bad If we help one anothers Its a long and scary swim with no boats and no oars But i'll give you my hand If you give me yours

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Feb 25, 2013

Feb 25, 2013 at 4:24 AM UTC

dustin-wills

Help

Walk faster push harder Look for a light in the sun All though all around you it feels like it dying You're dying there's no air there's no fun You're drowning alone and suffocating The salt being poured down your throat Strangles your cries for help You can't hardly breath much less float So why try? Why not give up? The bodies around you have done it The blood that you drown in could fill gallons and cups But you don't You're still here You're alive Dispite what you fear I am too And so are the others My pain won't be so bad If we help one anothers Its a long and scary swim with no boats and no oars But i'll give you my hand If you give me yours

24

You smile at the White lady with kindness You look at the White walls littered with get-well-soon posters You dress down in White scrubs that let you feel the cold air And everything here is just so ******* White You feel yourself pad against the Cold floor And the Cold air stinging against your chest You lay in your Cold bed for some rest Because everyones heart here is just so ******* Cold You smile at the Insane girl with voices in her head You nod at the Insane boy with scars on his arms You chuckle at the Insane girl with her fists clenched Because everyone here is just so ******* Insane You Smile at the patients You Smile at the staff You Smile at the movies And everyone agrees that you are just so ******* Happy You give them a Childish number from 1-10 You give them 3 Childish feeling words to match You listen to their adult voice drone out Childish coping methods Because your problems are so ******* Childish You can only change yourself they say Have you tried to work it out they say There are people much worse of than you they say And you believe them because they tell you to

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Feb 20, 2013

Feb 20, 2013 at 5:01 AM UTC

dustin-wills

Mental Hospital

You smile at the White lady with kindness You look at the White walls littered with get-well-soon posters You dress down in White scrubs that let you feel the cold air And everything here is just so ******* White You feel yourself pad against the Cold floor And the Cold air stinging against your chest You lay in your Cold bed for some rest Because everyones heart here is just so ******* Cold You smile at the Insane girl with voices in her head You nod at the Insane boy with scars on his arms You chuckle at the Insane girl with her fists clenched Because everyone here is just so ******* Insane You Smile at the patients You Smile at the staff You Smile at the movies And everyone agrees that you are just so ******* Happy You give them a Childish number from 1-10 You give them 3 Childish feeling words to match You listen to their adult voice drone out Childish coping methods Because your problems are so ******* Childish You can only change yourself they say Have you tried to work it out they say There are people much worse of than you they say And you believe them because they tell you to

24

Sometimes when I am sad I go home and I watch sad movies I give and snivel out snot laced tissues of worthlessness I cry tears of pain But not because of what Character A has done to Character B But because of what mother and father have done to me I am tired of turning away I am tired of being strong I am tired of being second on your to do list I am tired of your misogynistic comments So I press play again And **** in worlds of fantasy Because it's easier than coming to terms with my reality Easier than ******* it up just to be handed a second serving So no, I'm not done with this particular movie Yes I know I have seen it 12 times today And in a moment I will make it 13 If you touch this remote you will taste regret in the blood that comes out of your gums The only thing you can help with is getting me another god **** box of tissues I didn't come here to face my issues I didn't come here to be strong I came here to be weak when no one else is looking So please ignore me. Please pay attention to the smile I plaster on my face The clothes that become a second skin in the morning And the words that come out of my mouth border lining a scream Because it's easier It's easier than facing it alone. Where is my princess? Where was my coat of armor when they threw me in the dragons lair My life was supposed to be a fantasy book but someone forgot to write in the happy ending And if it's not a fairy tale please let me pretend Because I already know the answer that every life is a tragedy Because everyone dies in the end I just wanted a prince charming to die with me in my sleep but I guess i'm sticking with ***** There is no happy ending And there is no neverland There's just you and me and characters a b and c So someone please change the ******* channel and get me out of here

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Feb 9, 2013

Feb 9, 2013 at 2:58 AM UTC

dustin-wills

Fairytale

Sometimes when I am sad I go home and I watch sad movies I give and snivel out snot laced tissues of worthlessness I cry tears of pain But not because of what Character A has done to Character B But because of what mother and father have done to me I am tired of turning away I am tired of being strong I am tired of being second on your to do list I am tired of your misogynistic comments So I press play again And **** in worlds of fantasy Because it's easier than coming to terms with my reality Easier than ******* it up just to be handed a second serving So no, I'm not done with this particular movie Yes I know I have seen it 12 times today And in a moment I will make it 13 If you touch this remote you will taste regret in the blood that comes out of your gums The only thing you can help with is getting me another god **** box of tissues I didn't come here to face my issues I didn't come here to be strong I came here to be weak when no one else is looking So please ignore me. Please pay attention to the smile I plaster on my face The clothes that become a second skin in the morning And the words that come out of my mouth border lining a scream Because it's easier It's easier than facing it alone. Where is my princess? Where was my coat of armor when they threw me in the dragons lair My life was supposed to be a fantasy book but someone forgot to write in the happy ending And if it's not a fairy tale please let me pretend Because I already know the answer that every life is a tragedy Because everyone dies in the end I just wanted a prince charming to die with me in my sleep but I guess i'm sticking with ***** There is no happy ending And there is no neverland There's just you and me and characters a b and c So someone please change the ******* channel and get me out of here

40

To the boy in my German class who critizised me for picking a male name instead of a female one. I wonder how your head will **** When you see your best friend Joey Become Johanna I wonder how your jaw will drop When you see your son Beg to be bought a dress I wonder how your ears will suffer When your daughter Shows up at your home with her girlfriend I wonder if you will care You called me crazy My name is Dirk My name is Gender Roles If you are born a female I come with Flowers I come with Barbies and pink accessories I come with pink kitchen sets and doll hair brushes and fake makeup I come with pink I come with pink I come with pink I come with pink I come in fusha I come in burgandy I come in lilac I come in white For the added package I come with liposuction and days without food I come with too tight clothes and more labels than you can count I come with kitchen jokes I come with being judged if you had *** or Haven't But wait there's more If you are male I come with toy trucks And remote controls I come with not crying I come with blue ***** And Sunday football games And rough housing and be a man Be a man Be a man Be a man Be a man I come in Testosterone black I come in beaten up blue I come in Grades don't matter green I come in what're you looking at white For the added package I come with teasing Required gym time Peer preasure Don't cry I come with straightness And close minded friends I come with video games I come with make the money Pay for dinner Pay for movies Pay for living Pay for squirming I come with physical torture Critizised For having *** or Not having *** My name is Gender roles and I come in a school room My name is Izzie and I'm alive My name is Christy and I'm crying My name is Dirk and I am satisfied My name is Gender roles

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Sep 19, 2012

Sep 19, 2012 at 7:52 PM UTC

dustin-wills

My Name is Gender Roles

To the boy in my German class who critizised me for picking a male name instead of a female one. I wonder how your head will **** When you see your best friend Joey Become Johanna I wonder how your jaw will drop When you see your son Beg to be bought a dress I wonder how your ears will suffer When your daughter Shows up at your home with her girlfriend I wonder if you will care You called me crazy My name is Dirk My name is Gender Roles If you are born a female I come with Flowers I come with Barbies and pink accessories I come with pink kitchen sets and doll hair brushes and fake makeup I come with pink I come with pink I come with pink I come with pink I come in fusha I come in burgandy I come in lilac I come in white For the added package I come with liposuction and days without food I come with too tight clothes and more labels than you can count I come with kitchen jokes I come with being judged if you had *** or Haven't But wait there's more If you are male I come with toy trucks And remote controls I come with not crying I come with blue ***** And Sunday football games And rough housing and be a man Be a man Be a man Be a man Be a man I come in Testosterone black I come in beaten up blue I come in Grades don't matter green I come in what're you looking at white For the added package I come with teasing Required gym time Peer preasure Don't cry I come with straightness And close minded friends I come with video games I come with make the money Pay for dinner Pay for movies Pay for living Pay for squirming I come with physical torture Critizised For having *** or Not having *** My name is Gender roles and I come in a school room My name is Izzie and I'm alive My name is Christy and I'm crying My name is Dirk and I am satisfied My name is Gender roles

78

Let me tell you about highschool Let me tell you about the girls with hair higher then they can reach The boys with the careless hair The love intre- No Let me tell you about MY highschool With the nerd shirts and phrases that most don’t understand With the football games and the blue and white face paint The girls talking to me with another pair of lips rather than the ones plastered on their face No Let me tell you about life About the dew drops in the morning The smile hidden in a stranger as he orders his double mocha triple shot dosage of love Injected No Let me tell you about me Let me tell you about my mom and her thin lips that orchestrate fat lies Let me tell you about my dad who treats the bottle like the daughter he never wanted Let me tell you about my school life and the way I get treated No Let me tell you a story A story about ups and downs Pills and coke and ***** With books and love interests I cant fit my life into a poem I can tell you my love life in a poem My scars in a poem My hate in a poem My fears in a poem I can’t tell you my life I can tell you about my surroundings How I always try to be strong But you can only stick your head near ***** for so long Before you start smelling what they're saying. I can tell you about homophobia About the men who flinch at the very word ****** Or the girls who are so uncomfortable with themselves they starve I can tell you about the parents childless because of bullying So tell me What do you want to hear today?

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Sep 17, 2012

Sep 17, 2012 at 12:26 AM UTC

dustin-wills

Story Time

Let me tell you about highschool Let me tell you about the girls with hair higher then they can reach The boys with the careless hair The love intre- No Let me tell you about MY highschool With the nerd shirts and phrases that most don’t understand With the football games and the blue and white face paint The girls talking to me with another pair of lips rather than the ones plastered on their face No Let me tell you about life About the dew drops in the morning The smile hidden in a stranger as he orders his double mocha triple shot dosage of love Injected No Let me tell you about me Let me tell you about my mom and her thin lips that orchestrate fat lies Let me tell you about my dad who treats the bottle like the daughter he never wanted Let me tell you about my school life and the way I get treated No Let me tell you a story A story about ups and downs Pills and coke and ***** With books and love interests I cant fit my life into a poem I can tell you my love life in a poem My scars in a poem My hate in a poem My fears in a poem I can’t tell you my life I can tell you about my surroundings How I always try to be strong But you can only stick your head near ***** for so long Before you start smelling what they're saying. I can tell you about homophobia About the men who flinch at the very word ****** Or the girls who are so uncomfortable with themselves they starve I can tell you about the parents childless because of bullying So tell me What do you want to hear today?

40

I think my mom's a homophobe I think this because she said broken truths when I told her about homecoming I told her about the girl with soft lips and small hands that fit perfectly with mine But I just called her Haley I had new words she told me They suspiciously matched my schools words Freak abomination loser I now wonder if they were talking on the sidelines I know I'm supposed to love my mom But do I still have to If she hated me first? She praised the all loving god onto me Telling me his love was a lie And I was going with the sinners To the place where they drink fire ***** I think my mom's a homophobe I text my religious cousin Does God love everyone Undoubtedly because you are perfect to Him Then why does my mom hate me? She made me get on my knees and pray Pray a prayer I hope goes unanswered By those who I think aren't even there I think my mom's a homophobe I know I'm supposed to love my mother But how can I If I don't even know how to love myself? Every What is that You're such a waste It can be cured Like a snake on the asphalt basking in the hate Until the asphalt is the road and I am run over by Self pity. Self Hatrid. Self Absorbed. Yes **** the terrorists **** the rapists **** the robbers and the muggers **** them all Because who I love Is more important Me, I'm in dire need of your opinion Mirrors don't line my eyes up anymore I think they forgot where to put them Because I forgot Where to look Looking only at the negative Going on suicide boards Instead of Love boards Why am I the one being subjected to evil When I am only trying to love Being hated for only Loving Mirror mirror on the wall Who is the prettiest of them all My lover is the one I see Her soft lips and small hands I think my moms a homophobe And I don't know how to breath anymore

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Aug 27, 2012

Aug 27, 2012 at 12:06 AM UTC

dustin-wills

I think my Moms a homophobe

I think my mom's a homophobe I think this because she said broken truths when I told her about homecoming I told her about the girl with soft lips and small hands that fit perfectly with mine But I just called her Haley I had new words she told me They suspiciously matched my schools words Freak abomination loser I now wonder if they were talking on the sidelines I know I'm supposed to love my mom But do I still have to If she hated me first? She praised the all loving god onto me Telling me his love was a lie And I was going with the sinners To the place where they drink fire ***** I think my mom's a homophobe I text my religious cousin Does God love everyone Undoubtedly because you are perfect to Him Then why does my mom hate me? She made me get on my knees and pray Pray a prayer I hope goes unanswered By those who I think aren't even there I think my mom's a homophobe I know I'm supposed to love my mother But how can I If I don't even know how to love myself? Every What is that You're such a waste It can be cured Like a snake on the asphalt basking in the hate Until the asphalt is the road and I am run over by Self pity. Self Hatrid. Self Absorbed. Yes **** the terrorists **** the rapists **** the robbers and the muggers **** them all Because who I love Is more important Me, I'm in dire need of your opinion Mirrors don't line my eyes up anymore I think they forgot where to put them Because I forgot Where to look Looking only at the negative Going on suicide boards Instead of Love boards Why am I the one being subjected to evil When I am only trying to love Being hated for only Loving Mirror mirror on the wall Who is the prettiest of them all My lover is the one I see Her soft lips and small hands I think my moms a homophobe And I don't know how to breath anymore

61

My name is Crazy My name is disgusting, crooked teeth, ***** ***** four eyes, fatty, the pregnant chick. But they call me crazy I am not crazy I express myself in ways no one can see or want to feel I am not the cold expressionless face of cool My clothing brands don’t shout the colors of the homophobic rainbow Nor do my eyes lust after every boy with the sticker on his hat For every boy and girl I see molded together in the hallway I feel the sting of being alone Hidden in the restroom I see the smear smack and glitter of the makeup they touch up I am not like them. Nor do I want to be. I feel pain everyday The stifling grip of my depression dulls every sun ray Some understand this very pain HOW DARE YOU How dare you try to understand my pain I’m a teenager hear my angst of being alone like all the other alone people In this jail cell we call highschool We are all the same though we crave the different Under the oppression of the creativity box we are forced into only few see the light Crying aloud as the same people pile on top I feel their words sting. The name calling it calls out. Their suffering is obvious The indifferent face of cool shines so brightly with caring they are blind to it My name is Christy

0

Aug 2, 2012

Aug 2, 2012 at 2:05 AM UTC

dustin-wills

My Name Is...

My name is Crazy My name is disgusting, crooked teeth, ***** ***** four eyes, fatty, the pregnant chick. But they call me crazy I am not crazy I express myself in ways no one can see or want to feel I am not the cold expressionless face of cool My clothing brands don’t shout the colors of the homophobic rainbow Nor do my eyes lust after every boy with the sticker on his hat For every boy and girl I see molded together in the hallway I feel the sting of being alone Hidden in the restroom I see the smear smack and glitter of the makeup they touch up I am not like them. Nor do I want to be. I feel pain everyday The stifling grip of my depression dulls every sun ray Some understand this very pain HOW DARE YOU How dare you try to understand my pain I’m a teenager hear my angst of being alone like all the other alone people In this jail cell we call highschool We are all the same though we crave the different Under the oppression of the creativity box we are forced into only few see the light Crying aloud as the same people pile on top I feel their words sting. The name calling it calls out. Their suffering is obvious The indifferent face of cool shines so brightly with caring they are blind to it My name is Christy

27

Hidden In corners In cracks Building borders Lies and **** Love and stealing No one told But still revealing Never spoken Always cried Lips sewn shut In eyes of someone died Be quiet! Forbidden.. For my secrets.. Well hidden..

0

Jan 5, 2012

Jan 5, 2012 at 2:04 AM UTC

dustin-wills

Secrets

Hidden In corners In cracks Building borders Lies and **** Love and stealing No one told But still revealing Never spoken Always cried Lips sewn shut In eyes of someone died Be quiet! Forbidden.. For my secrets.. Well hidden..

16