08.08.14: I look in the mirror and I see the fingerprints seared into my skin. I see all the things you called
| beautiful |
and see them as
ugly
tainted
and defiled.
Because you built up an image of me I never could see, when you left it came crashing down even lower than before.
Now I hate words like:
"I'm sorry",
"I love you", &
"I won't leave".
Because you did everything you said you wouldn't.
You weren't sorry—you're dating someone else.
You don't love me—you lust me.
You left.
And now I've got a void called my heart that's filled with shattered pieces after you bulldozed through my life.
Thanks for the poison memories and toxic dreams.
Mar 21, 2015
Mar 21, 2015 at 1:45 AM UTC
I will never understand how
the biggest rose,
can be supported
by the smallest stem.
I will never understand how
the most beautiful things,
can be handled the roughest.
And I will never understand how
the hardest things to go through,
are the most valuable lessons to learn.
*Love is not without a price.
Supported means your weight
is someone else burden.*
I will never understand the letters
that tear my fingers to shreds
as I pull out the heart
you left on every tear stained page.
*Love is pain.
Pain that you gain
in waves of regret
crashing upon banks of memories.*
I will never understand how
the green in the grass
matches the green in my face
when the word 'love' comes to
grace the air with its presence.
*Love is the crying in the corner,
and the hollow 'i love you's
that stream through the cracks,
at the bottoms of doors.*
The bones of your past
are welded together
to make a beautiful disaster
of hopeful dreams upon the
wings of butterfly kisses.
Butterfly wishes
that move through the wind,
as a new found romance
reminds you the pains of your past.
And the broken shards that seep
through your freckles
are all out for the world to see,
but cover up,
where's the bb cream
no know can know
what the walls of my bedroom do.
The strains of my past
and the cracks in the gaps
between the letters of
'i love you'
that don't come without a price.
I will never understand
why the sun rises to kiss the treetops
and how the birds still sing
in the midst of a hurricane.
Mar 17, 2015
Mar 17, 2015 at 1:09 AM UTC
You don't love someone if you can leave them for days without warning.
You don't love someone if your happiness means more to you than theirs.
You don't love someone if you can lie straight to their face and not feel the slightest bit guilty.
You don't love someone if seeing them cry doesn't shred your heart to pieces.
You don't love someone if you get angry at them for being upset and they don't open up to you right away.
You don't love someone if you make them feel guilty for things that are out of their control.
You don't love someone if falling asleep to their voice isn't the most comforting thing to you.
You don't love someone if their laugh isn't your favorite sound.
You don't love someone if when you look into their eyes, you see a reflection of yourself.
You don't love someone if when you kiss them, your mind doesn't go completely fuzzy and you can still remember your name.
You don't love someone if being in their arms doesn't feel like home
You don't love someone if you allow your friends to talk badly about them and you agree.
You don't love someone if just hearing their name doesn't make you smile.
You don't love someone if making them happy isn't one of your top priorities.
You don't love someone if you can admit that they love you more.
B.S.
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 3:38 PM UTC
I wish I could be there with you
and wipe away your tears
and go pummel whoever made you cry
in the first place
and I wish I could help you
make your dreams come true so you
would believe that all you ever needed
to do was believe in yourself
so you could fly
and I wish that I could tell others
of how wonderful you are
even with all the scars of the past
and remind them that they have pain too
but not to let that get in the way
of the light your bring to the table
and I wish oh how I wish you knew
that you are loved and cared for
and designed for a greater purpose
than the bleakness in front of you now..
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 11:10 AM UTC
Somehow we all learn
to hide our secrets.
No one has to teach us we just
Know that sharing means
**retribution
condemnation
judgement**
and abandonment.
So we keep it inside.
We know better than to share
But baby hear me,
when I say the only way
to *forgiveness
healing*
and freedom
is to share our secrets and
hold out hope that
the other person will
love you anyway.
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 6:09 PM UTC
Sitting behind the pen and paper
looking at all the scribbled out words
and realizing nothing is making sense anyway.
*I'm sorry
I've let you down again
I can't even bear look
at myself anymore
**I was supposed to be so much better
than this.***
Jan 16, 2015
Jan 16, 2015 at 12:32 PM UTC
So you want to know
what death looks like...
It looks like her,
Make-up done perfectly
Red lips that could ****
Nails black as dusk
Heels sharp as knives.
Death.
Looks like her eyes
Captivating.
Stunning. Yet lifeless.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 11:16 PM UTC
Who would have thought
two years made a difference?
Two years is not that long
in the grand scheme of things.
Two years ago, I didn't know
so much that I do today.
Two years ago, I wouldn't have
made some of the choices I did.
Two years ago, I could smile,
a genuine smile, with real emotion.
If I could go back to two years ago,
I would change what I did,
Warn myself that not everyone is good.
I used to believe that everyone was good
even if they were only good in some tiny way.
I know better now some people will never care
how much pain they cause.
Two years ago, I wish I'd known.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 7:40 PM UTC
Let me tell you about the first boy I fell for. I mean, really fell for.
He was different. Not in a sense that he was strange or anything like that, but in a way that he was different from most people. He had a similar thought process to me and we actually understood each other. Whenever he would start talking about something that interested him, his eyes would light up and he would put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it whenever his story got more intense. He never broke eye contact with me when it was my turn to speak. He actually listened to what I had to say and no one has ever done that for me before.
I fell for his smile the first time I saw it. I don't know why I was so drawn to it, but I was. It was contagious.
I fell for his eyes. They were dark brown, almost black and extremely easy to get lost in. Everytime he would smile, his eyes would almost completely shut because of how big he was smiling. It made my heart melt.
I fell for how his hand fit so well in mine. Everywhere we went, our fingers were interlocked so tight that nothing could break through us. In fact, whenever someone would get too close to me, his hand would tighten around mine and he'd pull me closer to him. He made me feel safe.
I fell for the way he would look at me. We would be lying next to each other and I could feel his eyes on me. I'd look at him, smile, and cover his eyes with my hand telling him not to stare at me. He would reply with, "Don't tell me what to do. I'll stare at you all I want!" All I would do was laugh and kiss him quick on the cheek.
I fell for the way he touched me. He was always touching me one way or another. He would usually run his fingertips down my side to my hip and up my back. If I got lucky enough, I would feel him brush my hair back and gently kiss my neck. I couldn't help but smile and have the urge to kiss him over and over again.
I fell for the way he slept. Even then he had to be touching me, otherwise he would wake up and drag me closer to him. He looked so peaceful. I couldn't help but kiss his cheek and run my fingers through his hair.
I fell for the way he kissed me. It was natural. His lips seemed to melt with mine and not once did he try shoving his tongue down my throat. His kisses were addictive and I could not get enough of them.
*He seemed perfect. Sadly, I didn't find out how big of a piece of **** he was until it was too late.*
B.S.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 7:37 PM UTC
Some will say that you're
"one heartbreak closer to
finding your soul mate",
but how many can you withstand
before the world no longer
teems with color and the
laughter no longer reaches your eyes.
How many times
can your heart sink and bleed
and you can still call yourself alive.
————————————————————
*You're gonna make it out alright.
I know it doesn't seem that way
right now but I promise
I've been there and I got through it.
It hurt.
I cried.*
A lot.
*But I got up, brushed off
fell some more, and made it through.
And I know you will too.*
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 7:33 PM UTC