you are all infinite
you, my children of the night
pagan wanderers on destinies lips
patrons of the streets, lonely, empty, wanting
I seen a generation fall
I seen a generation crumble
and be reborn.
You my midnight sorcerers on deaths hitlist
listless and searching
I seen the dance of a power divide
Ego denied, angry id, broken steps
steps
steps
steps
we walk steps in the open,
we talked talks of confession to the night
it held us, comforted us
We the unwanted zombies
of unheard promises and dysfunctional rational
you are all beautiful
undaunted by the lines
the crooked lines, cut mishapen, disater mishappen
Cheers to my world, my surrounding reality
scared and scarred by tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow
My vagabond lies, my homeless truths
You, my enormous, analytical algorythms of disobedience
of disorder, of chaos
Musicians playing perpetual reqiuems
Jazz of the dead, jazz of the wanderer, jazz of the beautiful
Show your hand, yell your claim
stake your play.
concrete mazes, blinding buildings, urban solitute
I have found you, I have seen you,
you poets of denial, poets of disaster
Prose of temptation
Words of lament
Speak to me my children of the perpetual night
My children of music, of poetry, of paintings telling me the broken down minds, the sacrificed
economy of love
I am lost in these streets
I am at home in the unknown
I am nothing but a dream, denied
We are together
all together, here, here and now
Lost together
Crowded solitude
Lets be solidified as one
You, my children are emptied of being full
full of unknown, full of yourselves and filled with *****
Drunken stories of lullabies lost
Pour me another, make it a double. doubled down truth
hit me
Cigarette stained finger tips
Plucked tense strings,
Strings so tense you could feel their vibration
We sit, listening, ears pointed at God,
Waiting to be lulled into compliance
I have seen your cigarette stained
Finger tips
Pluck strings of lament and prophecy
Sing me into your future
Oh beautiful melody
Oh wandering progressions
Telling tales of my transgressions
Oh trusty chords
Lovers speak only lies,
With cigarette gently sleeping between exhausted lips
Let us lie here
Here in this desolate desert moonscape
Forlorn homeless shelter
New antiqued flashood of home
I have seen us staring
Staring into the void,
Into the fullness of emptiness
These are not just dreams
Fevered and sweating out the ingested fungus
They are the dystopian dreams of
Every young adult novel
Of every science fiction, battered, back pocket edition
Dog eared, notes in the margins, yellowed with love, book.
They are the lost bibles of us,
Of our current histories and our future stories.
My friends
Gathered, exuberant, broken and shattered
Passing time on the the stools of inebriation
Come forth and be counted
The artist hang burnt offering from crimson skies
Sacrifices of the soul
Sacrifices of humanity
Exercises of humility
Stand here before me and and be chastised
A public flogging, a private shaming
A social satired informal gathering
Gaining peer reviewed synthetically blended praise
The dab hazed hipsters
Losing time,
faking time,
Cutting lines, sparking fires inside
Burn
Burn
Burn
Lose me in the iridescent, fill me in with acrylic
Wash me out with acid and cry-
Cry over me, cry with me
I am nothing, and we are everything.
Mar 15, 2018
Mar 15, 2018 at 11:25 AM UTC
I lie here
And my heart is breaking
And my stomach is turning
And you sleep.
You've destroyed my trust
And continuously lied to me
Yet you rest easy.
I can't close my eyes
Because I see what you won't show
Do, what we don't do
Exposed more then I see.
Yet even now,
You rest easy.
Mar 9, 2017
Mar 9, 2017 at 3:13 AM UTC
I left you
Left you lying on a bed
Cuddled up with our memories.
I left you to go cry
To rock myself to sleep
Clutching our memories.
I left you
I left you whole, yet I was shattered
Broken pieces of self doubt and insecurity.
I left you to go put myself back together,
To try and regain my dignity
To try and feel happy
I left you to try and figure out
how you can both leave me feeling so good
And also so lost.
I left you because you don't want me
Because I can't continue to want you
And I can't continue to care, when you dont.
I left you because I am chasing a ghost
Running after someone that never started the race.
I left you because I knew you'd let me
Let me run out the door,
Drunk as I was, sad as I was, lonely and playing second fiddle as I was.
I left you because your pity makes me sick
Am I as pathetic as I appear?
I left you because I knew you wouldn't call,
I knew you wouldn't text to see if I was ok.
I left because sleep was more important
To you then my slowly breaking heart and mind.
I left you because I am too dramatic
and even still I know this is my fault,
That this played out the way I knew it would.
I left you because I cannot leave myself.
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 1:22 PM UTC
you don't want me?
you don't have to have me
and i can leave
as quickly as i arrived
you're so sure you own me
and i am at your beck and call
with no life of my own -
don't fool yourself
you are not my world
and if you can't see me
nor appreciate me
and pull me around
as your little trophy prize -
i'm great at disappearing
just watch me
i don't even need to say good bye
Oct 7, 2016
Oct 7, 2016 at 11:34 AM UTC
You write yourself into your own love stories as the victim of a girl
that only ever used you
I know your heart was broken, you told me
But that doesn' mean your hands are clean of blood
You broke my heart,
and hers too
When you took to bed
A girl with tattoos
Maybe she didn' mean anything or
Maybe everything I
can't be sure
But now I have a heart full
of nothing
you took what I had left
And ran with it
You come back now and again
But so far, you haven' stayed
I'm wishing you would
And haven' ruled out that you will
So I answer you
With my head up high and my hopes low
Your songs mean nothing anymore
cause I know what you're capable of
I still think bout you often
And by the looks of it
You think bout me too
Sometimes love isn' made to
Fill you up or
Complete you
But break you so you can be
Rebuilt
I hope to grow tall
With you as my foundation
A home built together from nothing
But rubble and empty promises
I think I was already made for you
Cause Fates fine hand doesn' mess up often
Even if she is fickle
She isn' careless
You've got a whole lot of love in you
I see it in your smile
And the way you cry
Put down the bottle and
pick up the phone
I'll forgive you for what you've done
Cause I love who you are and
were
The past is in the past, they tell me but
I guess you're in my past too
Yet somehow I'm still looking forward to you
Oct 6, 2016
Oct 6, 2016 at 12:29 PM UTC
I am your surrogate.
Your surrogate boyfriend
Your surrogate lover
Your surrogate friend.
I'm a stand in.
I'm a waiting room
Before your appointment.
I'm your emotional pick me up
Your needed ego boost.
Close when you want me to be
Far away when you choose.
I am opinionless
I am desireless
I'll fulfill what you need me to
I'll plug the holes
But I'll never make you whole.
I am temporary depression distraction
I am generous
My fingertips will go where you want
When you want
My skin is cold.
I'll be your companion
Until you don't want me around
I'll be thankful for your pity invites.
I'll hide my pain, so I can take yours.
I'll be lonely so that you don't have to be.
Am I time well spent?
When you're with me,
Do you think of where you'd rather be?
Or who you'd rather be with?
I am your surrogate
Your emotion crutch
I'll care so that you don't have to.
Why don't you care?
I'll shown concern and interest
So that you won't have to.
I'll be here for you
So that you don't have to be for me.
I'll give you my heart
So you can keep yours hidden.
Oct 5, 2016
Oct 5, 2016 at 5:11 PM UTC
I was changed.
Not changed like the tide,
which always changes back
But changed like an atomic bomb
went off in my body, in my heart.
She was a nuclear reaction
A tiny bit of matter that alters the state of everything she touches.
She was radioactive,
You could feel her coming.
She was a bomb
And I'm a lost atoll,
drifting in the Pacific.
Destroy me in the most
beautiful of explosions.
Split me, subatomically,
and realign me how you wish.
She was science and she was engineering.
She was mankind's best,
doing mankind's worst.
She was detonation,
She was a split second explosion.
Depth charges that awaken,
Super sonic flash wiring,
blinding brilliance.
She was self destructive implosions
Bringing down the walls.
I'm a deserted structure,
waiting to be torn down.
Sep 28, 2016
Sep 28, 2016 at 3:18 AM UTC
Under a cloak of stars we hid
Hiding from what, we didn’t know
She bared her soul then,
Asked for a smoke
We smoked cigarettes and stared
At the city
Like a million tiny lost ants
They march without purpose, unlike
Their insect counterparts
Who all work towards a common goal
No, these human ants exist only for
Individual gain, definitely not the good
Of the masses
We sat on a blanket in the dead of night
Like two vampiric picnickers
Contemplating the over contemplated
Meanings of why, what, where, and who
Nestled up against a barrier
Not unlike the one that binds me
This mountain of peach, gold, and brown
Stands foreboding in the background
Of this town
We lay here in this artificial nature
Of grass where none should be
Looking skyward for answers
To questions we have yet to ask
And timid rabbits fret at our presence,
Just outside the light in the shadows
It is night all around
Yet only dark when eyes are closed
But when I close my eyes
All I see is light
Not the light that is desperately
Trying to upstage the stars
By inviting you to watch
The carnal dance of flying insect and bat
That is its deviant diversion
Show them discovery-esc nature
So they learn to love mans light
More then those of the heavens
But alas, mans light holds no sway
Here for this is a night for lovers
And we are lovers here
Then she asked if she could
Lay next to me
And bury her face in my neck
Of course, I said, at the cost of a kiss
Placed gently on the flesh found there
And kiss me she did, as the stars
Were aware because just then
I seen them narrow and turn green
With envy
And oh how envious they were
They knew then that their life would end
Their time would come
When they no longer twinkled as bright
But our love would never die
Never lose its twinkle
Never be spoken of as lackluster
Ours was eternal
And theirs was not
I held her there
Next to me
But not quite ever close enough
And then still, very close
So close I can feel her inside me
Circling my soul with the breath
From her lungs
"Breathe out love, so I can breathe you in"
Touch me so I may again feel
I long to know genuine feeling
Of the thread only she can bring me
In this artificial scenario
With carnivore intentions all around
And stars that wont just be happy for me
With a city of plastic and glitter
Ruled by a neon god,
At my feet
Begging for penance
For my forgiveness for their fakeness
Because they know what I possess is real
More real then they could ever dream if being
And a mountain crawling at my fingertips
And I lie here
Thinking of things that
Don’t require thought
I am spent
Emotionally drained
Essence pulled from existence
Have lost weight here
I can float
And I am floating
Weightless and without gravity
I fly towards nothing in particular
With no needs or wants
Just happiness and content-ness
And whatever else that doesn’t really matter
Or does it?
I do not know these questions
Because I seek only answers
Ignorance is bliss
And bliss is
What I crave
But is bliss happiness?
I wish I could be ignorant
And close my eyes to reality
Because maybe the stars
Aren’t envious
Maybe they are mocking me
Laughing at the real ignorance
The real travesty at hand
Is maybe what I think is,
Really isn’t?
I guess I am just a blind fool
With my eyes open
Lying here
Not knowing what is what
Or why, why is
Or where, why came from
It was time to go now
My mind was reeling
From the mental punishment I gave it
The pain stuck like glue to the back of my eyes
We folded the blanket and made our way towards the car
The rabbits were happy they could come out
The stars brightened
We walked arm in arm
Wishing for the night to never end
And our weariness to fade
Like the American dream
This was a night for lovers
And we were lovers there
In that park
On this night
Under these stars
I take from this place
The knowledge
We are all lovers
Nov 2, 2010
Nov 2, 2010 at 10:59 PM UTC
I am decembers darkest hour
a withered lover, a withered flower
a heart broken, blackened in two
a half for me, and a half for you
I am the forgotten love, you desired
the pouring rain, and muffled fire
the love you lost, the deepening hate
a bitter taste, this predesitined fate
desire not
desire now
desire not
desire how
I am the knowledge of the love you lost
happiness sacrificed upon the cross
blink the poisonous tears from your eyes
an acidic face of untold lies
feel the turture deep inside
where coldness spreads, and warmth died
desire not
desire now
desire not
desire how?
Oct 28, 2010
Oct 28, 2010 at 5:47 PM UTC
The darkness fills from top to bottom
an undisturbed wicked spiral
farther from what's inspiration
I continue to slide
Darkness nags from all around
etching pain on my skin
peeling away at what I used to be
I was happy
My palms upturned, beg forgiveness
let my penance be destruction
this decay is sinking
swallow me
Is this darkness obvious
are my eyes dyed black
where went that inspiration
I am transparent
Sway, from side to side
dizzy from intoxication
****** from fornication
breath....
in,out,in,and out
panic drives this man
sit on the edge of the middle
wish to be more like them
them.....
them.....
Darkness increasing
soul is fleeing
this inspiration rapes me
breeds me
breeds in me
consumes me
amuses me to no end
but still i am only me
CANT YOU SEE
WONT YOU SEE
i live only for the darkness
the sorrow
the horror and gore
a make believe world
catching the phrase
paraphrasing the past
i am only darkness
i am lonely darkness
i am a shadow of was
a memory of where
a glimpse of who
a dash of what
Count my sins, darkness
on your bitter fingers and toes
give rhythm to my woes
give forgiveness for the excursions
i have made to the darkness
Betray my lighting effect
expose my soul
deny the trust I held in dark
on a box i stand, a one man show
darkness is my inspiration
Oct 20, 2010
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:37 PM UTC