I was the girl who sat in the library by herself
With no one coming near that bookshelf
I was the girl who dreamed about having friends
That no one would befriend
I was the girl who had a fake smile
That bought everyone for a while
I was the girl who was a charity case
That nobody cared to embrace
I was the girl with the dark thoughts
That no one gave any afterthoughts
I was the girl with the bandaged thighs
and a jumper concealing her size
I was the girl who drew with a twist
Because her canvas was her wrist
I was the girl living a nightmare
Whose head was claimed full of air
I was the girl ready to give up
That no one could build back up
Jul 18, 2016
Jul 18, 2016 at 8:40 PM UTC
I think it's time
For me to close my eyes
And slip into the sleep
That I've always desired.
I think it's time
To say goodbye
To everything I've grown to know
And everything I'll have to let go.
I think it's time
To find out
Once and for all
What dreams may come.
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 7:31 PM UTC
My hands have betrayed me.
Once the means to write pages,
Now my hands are only dead weight.
My hands won't pick up a pen.
Or even type short,
Choppy sentences.
They dangle at my sides
And find refuge in my hair,
Leaving me bleeding.
Like my hands,
My mouth has declared itself
My enemy.
Once the passageway for words
To explain myself,
My mouth is now as useful as a broken bridge.
With nothing of value to say,
It talks
And sings anyway.
It opens without my permission
But stays closed whenever I try
To scream meaning.
The inability to illustrate
Or translate my mind
And my soul
Is not an unfamiliar ordeal.
But it's lonely on the outside
And frustrating looking in.
It seems I'll always feel like an alien.
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 7:30 PM UTC
Could there be something
In my head
That only my hands know about?
Because I'm not sure why
They refuse to stop
Tearing at my skin
Even when I begin to bleed
And start to beg.
Are my hands trying
To set something free
That's been locked inside me?
Or are they just performing
The will of my secret thoughts?
Destroying me without
My say in the matter.
I don't know why
I'm trying to analyze this.
It's just a nervous tick.
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 7:23 PM UTC
My flesh bears the stains
Of all of my pains
Scars are what they are
The depth of some, too far.
Some are horrific
A tribute to my
Monolithic hatred
Of my own wellbeing
Some are ugly
Some are fair
Some are subtle
But all I bear
Each has a story
A lesson to be learned
From my darkest deeds
To my old glories
I show and share them
To warn those who care
Lest you end up like me
Caught in a devil's snare
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 11:19 PM UTC
Do you know what it's like
To see hate in your own eyes
As you stare into the mirror
Or get a glimpse of your reflection
That feeling you have inside
Of how much you just want to die
Your insides screaming
As they continue starving
All cause you hate how you look
Mind shouting
You're so **** fat
You don't deserve a man
Trying not to cry
As these rude remarks
Are shouted from your own mind
You'll have to smile and laugh
At just how **** fat you are
Tell yourself you're not really hungry
As you slap your belly
Wishing it would vanish with each slap
This fat I see
This fat I have
This fat I am
This fat is me
Even though I'm not even
Just that Fat anymore
Once you've been fat
There is no going back
As I stand and stare
Observe & compare
How much my body has changed
My conclusion still is
I am so fat
I do not deserve a man
I hate this view of who I am fat
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 11:18 PM UTC
Maybe I'm a little to hurt inside
So I glide the blade along my thigh
Because there's no where left to hide
If I make myself as broken on the outside
Then maybe I won't have any tears left to cry
Maybe I can die
So the world can tell my lie
Of a life with no bright side
All that's left is my bleeding thigh
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 11:14 PM UTC
I remember the Day
I stared at her Like An innocent Lamb
In a blink, She Disappears.
I remember the Day
I had a Word with her
In my Eyes, that still Flutter.
I remember the Day
I found Myself Smiling Alone
In a room, without any reason.
I remember the Day
I was touched by her Warm Heart
In the midst of a Small Talk.
From then I stopped remembering Days
I was living in the moments then.
All of a sudden
I realized it was an Illusion of dream
I lived in a dream
I lived in Illusion
But My heart kept sounding that
That illusion was closer to myself.
Though I was depressed at that moment
Because I missed the best part of Dream.
Back to sleep dreaming her
“THE UNIMAGINABLE”
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 11:12 PM UTC
I know I should be sorry
I know I should feel bad
Because here I am doing the thing
I said I'd never do again.
I said I wouldn't hurt myself
But that's been ******** all along.
The only thing that kept me clean
Was knowing that if I slipped
I'd be hurting more than just me.
But now I'm sitting here
Like I have so many times
Tearing at my skin
For a glimpse
Of sweet relief.
In the grand scheme of things
A few small scrapes
Doesn't make a difference.
It's nothing dangerous
And it's not hurting anyone
It's just a way for me to silence
The monsters in me.
I don't care anymore
About taking care of me
I'll do what I want
Even if it kills me.
I'll do what I want
Even if it means
ruining nine months
Of a fleeting fantasy
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 11:11 PM UTC
Impossibilities
What are they?
Are you for sure they’re real?
Are they really impossibilities
Or are they things you think impossible
Even though they stare right at your face
Even though they tap on your shoulder
Even though they knock on your door
Even though you hear their screams
Even though you pretend not to notice
Are they impossible?
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 11:09 PM UTC