my hours grow by the sea
fetal harvests, debris of the shore.
they bear me nothing,
i do not want them anymore.
plucked from the root,
the moon purrs and the waves coil
necks stretched, bobbing
they grow longer and longer.
they do not know how to swim.
paperweight of thought floats,
sanguine languor
languid stings
Apr 7, 2020
Apr 7, 2020 at 6:42 PM UTC
unravel me to the swell of the moonlight.
from the threads of my lashes i weave my night, perhaps a fishnet bounding the legs. perhaps a veil hindering the breath. perhaps a blanket smothering the dream.
no.
not heavy enough.
there is more of me to spare, the air is ripe and our tears are young. gut my love on a daily. harvest my rest on a nightly. dissemble my consciousness perpetually.
no.
not rough enough.
i am reconstructed as the sun slithers in, a dewy, melted apology filling in space between the limbs. what i lose in mass i replace in volume. grow loudly. this kind of volume.
no.
not sly enough.
one day i will be small enough that i can be made into nothing, and nothing can be made of me.
Jun 29, 2019
Jun 29, 2019 at 8:20 AM UTC
i cannot merely float.
the oceans bob,
close in: volatile embraces, limpid spoons of
breaths forced back into the throat, a frantic crumple of
cloth over the nose and the mouth. forged slumber.
i am on a sleepy seesaw.
the tides puppeteer,
enter: rough strokes, blistering strings of
insides tossed out of reach, a damp slither of
fingers into the skin and the bones. artificial fluidity.
i am on a reluctant voyage.
it’s hard to decide if i want to beach or set sail.
then again it’s not my choice but the sea’s,
then again it’s not the sea’s choice but the moon’s
then again it’s not the moons choice but
i don’t know how big the infinity is.
eventide i drift faced up.
Apr 16, 2019
Apr 16, 2019 at 11:57 AM UTC
borne me to the edge of the waters
beyond the earth where it’s senseless of ponder
where could you be, i’d wonder.
i cannot fold the thoughts of you into quarters.
a moonless night
my mind rowing through crippled legs of time
perhaps seasick by the slight;
i’d hurl a ripple of rhyme.
the oar of my chest throbs out of song,
the shape of this planet is far too round.
as i cease to wander i came to found
that you hold me adrift all along.
the horizon remains out of reach
contentment sails as we come across a beach.
as long as i may lie upon you, unfolded, in the sand
bit by bit i no longer fear the land.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 12:04 PM UTC
a driftwood into the sea
we balance barely with your lanky limbs
and my flailing heartbeat.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 12:03 PM UTC
wavering hours and quavering bowers
within me was the naivety of an embryo
squandering mass and volume,
upon your chest i was savoring ours.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 12:02 PM UTC
the land i am from,
how i wish to preserve it in such a matter that
i could keep the dehydrated oceans from
enclosing my crisp pigmented limbs.
the light cannot be reflected from wings in the dark.
hang up your coat by the door, you say.
pin up the membranes of your past under the glass.
radiate upon me as hues pump through my vessels, old and new.
as i seek for the land i am from, a land with you.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 12:01 PM UTC
it's a bit past midnight, i feel myself as an infant Moses, bobbing up and down on the Nile. there are no fresh cries nor an Egyptian princess to hold me to her chest, just smothered breaths within the bedsheets and a giant stream gradually converging around me.
Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 3:44 AM UTC
You had fallen asleep. I guess so. Your breathing is smooth, if I could touch your breath, if I could touch the nightfall outside, the sensation would be the same. I no longer throw a fit for not receiving attention. I used to, but you had said, "Don't tell me that humans should treat each other equally. That's Utopic." At that time I told you to cease talking to me for two days. However the same afternoon you texted me your thoughts after reading 1Q84 (you emphasize you finished it in a week, twice the speed of me), and I accidentally forgave you. I still loathe those words, yet I grudgingly let it influence me.
"Am I kidding? I hate you," I say, pushing you off my bed and onto the ground. You sleep like a corpse. The bugs outside cease colliding into the window after the lights are off, remaining the bumptiously round moon. I imagine myself as Aomame, stepping into an alternate universe with two moons. I squint my eyes, maybe I'll see two that way. The orbed moon becomes clearer. I might be too near-sighted.
"You're too stupid. You have to space out to see two moons." Your voice comes from the ground. I pretend not to hear you but I try anyway. I really do see two moons.
Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 3:40 AM UTC
You spend that night at my place, using up one-fourth of my handmade soap. I cut you a piece of frozen cheesecake, said: "The fool saved you." You say nothing. You have the fork in your mouth, staring at the bugs outside persistently slamming their bodies against the window. Your eyes are a cold desert after wind, clashing with mine, a murky swamp. "Tell me things about you," you finally say. I rub my eyes for a bit.
"A friend recently got a cat and specially brought it over for me to play with. That was the day I discovered I've been allergic to cats. The same night, however, a stray barged into my house and coiled up in my stomach. I couldn't see him clearly, but I hoped he was a tabby. Hoped that he had almond-shaped eyes. He was quite vain, didn't like me much. I met up with the same friend after a while and noticed quite a few fresh scratches up her arm. 'I heard that's just how it is when you have a cat," her helpless smile was peculiarly fitting against her flushed cheeks. I also subconsciously looked down at my own arms. There were scratches too. I quickly pulled down my sleeves, for I didn't know how to introduce a cat that even I couldn't see with clarity. 'But I really love it, that's why I'm fine with it scratching me all it wants,' the friend proceeded. The scratches throbbing under my sleeves suddenly came in contact with the scruffy material, reminding me that, me too, I also love my cat. Bliss flowed obnoxiously out of the friend. I abruptly became bored of her and made up an excuse to lay in bed for the remains of the afternoon.
It was very hot, even with the windows open. So I just lay there wearing nothing. That was the first time I witnessed the cat without question. Witnessed his claws pierced crudely through my translucent stomach, so much that my stomach also flushed red. I remembered my friend's happy flushed cheeks. Perhaps my body was fading out, for I could even witness the shape of his ears within my guts. They were big ears. He might be just like me, good at listening. I let him penetrate me. When I next regained consciousness, I could finally see what he looked like, because my guts had long been hollowed. Seconds before fear took over, I glared at him hard.
He was a grimy cat, indescribable in pattern, with a pair of murky eyes. It was as if he was laughing at me. 'You're so ugly! You're so ugly!' I cried, my own eyes shifting from murk to ripple. 'You just want my body.' I tried stuffing my scattered organs back into my open stomach. The cat stops in his tracks upon hearing this. 'Not just your body.' He leaves without a care.
From then on, my stomach always seemed eerily hollow. My organs remained but he did not. Yet the scratches on my arms began fading. I had the friend never bring her cat over, nor speak to me about such things."
Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 3:26 AM UTC