We are trapped in our own river of Time
being pushed forward faster the longer we live
We can see behind us to where we have been
before us we can only guess what will come
There is madness being thrown into the rapids
confusion and disorientation fills my mind
as the cold feelings fill my lungs and heart
I long to sit in a steady pool of water
a lake of peace or an endless ocean
anything to stop this maddening journey
I cannot keep up with the speed of the water
everything that I was has washed away
I am drowning in Time, the present does not exist
constantly moving forward, nothing is now
Sep 29, 2018
Sep 29, 2018 at 1:36 AM UTC
An empty shell of a human being
sitting alone and cold on the shore;
you watch the salty water move
forward and backward,
watch it come and go
and, yes
the stars are pretty
and the moon is smiling
but you are thinking of ways to
explain why God will only hear sobs
when He picks you up and puts you
next to His ear
Dec 4, 2016
Dec 4, 2016 at 10:11 AM UTC
My future gives me an anxiety that will last a lifetime.
It will not be controlled.
It will not be known.
It's a rather cruel game, don't you agree? Being clueless to the inevitable.
Dec 3, 2016
Dec 3, 2016 at 4:32 AM UTC
I have been long gone
I kept my memories
in a suitcase
preserved like fossils
in the museum of my room
but I will carry them with me
as I stumble on the
next thing
that falls in front of me
I have had mistakes
that tried to knock
on the walls of my mind
but it's about time
my brain learns
from practice
over and over
not to fall for their emotions
but to know how to cope with them
I have had moments
that tattooed smiles
on every neuron
creating memories
of moments
that I seek sanctuary in
whenever I find the need to
I have had the idea of change
marinating in me
almost forcing me to believe it
to live it, to breathe
then...
I have had you to look
into my eyes
sometime later
telling me to
"stop faking it
it's always
been you"
Dec 3, 2016
Dec 3, 2016 at 4:24 AM UTC
Shattered, like you've never been before.
The life you knew, is in a thousand pieces on the floor.
Words fall short in times like theese.
And this world drags you to your knees.
You think your never gonna get back, to the you that used to be.
Tell your heart to beat again.
Close your eyes and breath it in.
Let the shadows fall away.
Step into the light of grace.
Yesterday's a closing door.
You don't live there anymore.
Say goodbye to where you've been.
Tell your heart to beat again.
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 3:10 AM UTC
I watch as I fall,
Slowly down I go,
Into a place of no return.
No longer the same person,
That I used to be.
Once I was always happy,
A smile on my face,
Now I watch from afar,
As the world goes on without me.
The train has left,
But I am still here.
I have taken a long journey,
But got lost on the way,
And nobody can be found,
To help me back home.
The memories of yesterday,
Are forever gone,
And I am left,
With no one.
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 2:58 AM UTC
They tell me I look tired,
To get some rest,
But they don’t understand
The way my thoughts race
While I’m trying to sleep
Keeping me up all night.
They make jokes that sting
And ask why I’m so uptight,
But they don’t understand
That I fear everything
And the worrying doesn’t stop
But it’s out of my control.
They mock me
And my fake laugh,
But they don’t understand
That sometimes I’m so down
And my thoughts are so scary
That I use it to hide the pain
Because showing it
Would make them run.
They tell me that I’m too hyper
That I’m an annoyance
And I need to calm down,
But they don’t understand
That sometimes I reach highs
That I can’t control
But they’re easier to witness
Than the terrifying lows.
They say I need to worry less
And tell me to just relax,
But they don’t understand
That if it was that easy
I would be the calmest person
In the world
Because that is all I want.
They tell me my illness isn’t real
That it’s all in my head,
But they don’t understand
That mental illness
Is just as uncontrollable
And painfully fatal
As cancer.
They say I’m crazy
That I’m ****** up and weird,
But they don’t understand
What goes on in my head
And how much it hurts
To be misunderstood.
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 2:57 AM UTC