deshawn-l-downs
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson / / "I shoot the sunshine into my veins" Fallout Boy / / “Words are finite organs of the infinite mind.” / ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson / / I make music stories and poetry, my greatest fear is not getting to experience all life has to offer
Im slowly starting to forget how the sweet tincture of you always makes things taste better than they were
How the most mundane of tasks could be a grandiose adventure
But most importantly
I realize
That my view of you was so much better than the reality before me
And im happy
Not that i now think less of someone so far gone
But that i can feel again
You were a black hole of emotion
******* everything in not even letting joy escape
I thought that i had passed over that horizon edge and been forever lost
I should have taken my sage advice i had given you in the beginning:
Nothing lasts forever and time heals all wounds
Feb 26, 2018
Feb 26, 2018 at 2:24 AM UTC
I've always wanted to be someone else
Smarter
Wiser
Cooler
Someone better than who I am now
But today
Today I want to be nothing
Oct 29, 2017
Oct 29, 2017 at 12:07 AM UTC
There was a moment
Only briefly
Where I wished you were here
To relish in this moment
With me
But our time has passed
And I stand here
Alone
Oct 28, 2017
Oct 28, 2017 at 11:57 PM UTC
Here I am again
All 3 am thoughts
Scrambled mind and twisted fingers
I can't help but remember that time we
Nevermind
**** that thought for just one moment
Better yet make it forever
I've finally found someone else
Someone who doesn't annoy me with their very presence
Who can hold a descent conversation
A lady friend who's down to earth enough, yet just a little full of herself to make it cute
So why the ****
Is it 3 am
And I'm thinking of you
I thought I was done with this
I thought the script had been written but you didn't like the pages so you ripped them out and tore them to shreds
But didn't bother to rewrite them
You could've at least rewritten them
I would've settled for a D-rate horror movie where it's written so poorly they try and make it so that they subvert their own clichés and end up making it even worse
You could've at least given me a descent expla-
**** it who cares
I'm happier now
So I was walking by the book store today and thought of your favorite autho-
I'm happier now.
I took a picture of the sky last week, something I never used to do because I never saw beauty in the world until I looked into your ey-
I'm happier now. Period.
I was laying next to Amanda and her hair fell slightly over her face and when I went to move it away I was surprised at who was behind it, I was expecting it to be yo-
Im.....happy?
I'm sitting awake at 3 am all scrambled mind and twisted fingers
I can't help but wonder
Why do my thoughts linger on you
May 23, 2017
May 23, 2017 at 3:04 AM UTC
Everything is so fickle
Our light can extinguish as quick as a slight gust of wind on a candle
It's strange
One minute you exist
And the next
Oblivion
You were here for what seemed like an eternity at first
But I guess that's what life does to us
Were so busy living it we don't stop to actually LIVE it
You knew that best
You always tried to tell me
"Take it slow man"
"Don't be so uptight, just ride the wave bro"
I don't know why but you calling life "the wave" made me happy
You, the meat head redneck ****
Who would've guessed that would be where you find the most humble and down to earth individual
I sure didn't at first
It took time but you always tried to be my friend
I regret that I didn't open up sooner
So many missed memories
Lost fishing trips
Cold ones un opened
"#Gainz" to be had
God if only I could go back in time
Awnser that one last text
See you one last time
They say everything gets easier with time, but time only scabs over the wound
I hope that heaven does exist
I hope your cracking open a cold brewski with Jesus right now looking down on all of your friends cheering them on
I hope heaven exists and I'm a descent enough person to get in so one day, I can punch your *** in the chest, call you a ******* and chill over a campfire with our buddy yiungling.
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 5:18 AM UTC
I
Can finally say I don't hurt like I used to
Anymore
Keyword being:
Anymore
But I still hurt
And it's not the late night 3 am thoughts that keep me up
I no longer lose sleep over someone who hurt me so much
But it's during the day
When I'm working
Or when I'm with friends
That I wonder
"What is she doing right now?"
"How has she been?"
"Is she happy?"
"I hope so"
I think back on the times we had
The fun we shared
And at times I wish I could go back
And other times I just wish it never happened
I wonder if I'll ever feel that type of happiness again.
If I'll ever stop feeling this pain in my chest when I think of her
I've never been as happy as I was with her and I wonder if I'll ever get to have that again.
She's found someone new
And I'm stuck in this pain
I guess it's true
No two loves the same
But I wonder if I'll ever love again
Mar 24, 2017
Mar 24, 2017 at 4:49 AM UTC
I dont want to be your rose
your lilly
your delicate babys breath
I want to be your
dandelion
the one you didn't expect
the one you didn't think you wanted
the impostor in your garden
reach out and rip me free from my roots
pull me in real close
tell me all about
your dreams
breathe hope into every
fiber of my being
and set me free
knowing I'll always
grow back.
Feb 28, 2017
Feb 28, 2017 at 10:33 AM UTC
God
I ******* HATE her ***
Not really though
I was dragged through hell and back on broken glass pulled by the noose around my neck and I can't bring myself to hate you
Now all I do is miss her
The way she smelled
The way the small of her back was so soft I could never stop touching it
How she would look at me and say I love you
I miss how she loved me
I can't hate someone I love so ******* much can i?
I've tried so ******* hard to
I've tried so ******* hard to forget you
But I can't
I can't become someone new when she holds half of who I was
A long time ago I told her that nothing she could do to me could make me hate her
And I hate myself for it but I was right
Feb 21, 2017
Feb 21, 2017 at 11:38 AM UTC
I sometimes wonder
What things truly could have been
I wonder if things are better now that I'm not around
I used to look forward to the future but now I'm constantly looking over shoulder hoping it doesn't come for me
Things change so fast
I would like to compare people to the seasons but we change our minds and feelings like we change clothes during the day
Each outfit a new personality
Which outfit did she try on today I wonder?
The one that still loves art
The bookworm outfit
The one that still creates something everyday
The one whose poetry sings emotion into the heart of others
Or the one I know nothing about
The one that now likes things that were never a second thought to her
One that now contradicts past words beliefs and emotions
People change personalities
Like they change clothes
And unfortunately for me
You outgrew your old wardrobe
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 10:34 AM UTC
I read that if you truly love something
You never let it go
If you can't go a single day without thinking about it
Then hold on with all your might
But you wanted to let go
I've tried so hard to be angry
It's the only thing that makes the pain go away
But I can't
I can only sit here and wish with all my might that you were still here
Next to me
Sharing these covers
In this bed that used to smell like you
My mind flashes through all of our memories together
Trail hikes
Late nights
Movies
God she was everything to me
She was my person
And at one point in time I was hers
When did that change
Jan 26, 2017
Jan 26, 2017 at 11:22 PM UTC