The day is fading once again, the forest stands in silhouette
And I upon my balcony with Bergerac, and cigarette
Survey the Moon that rises to illuminate, with harsh regret
My lost and lonesome memories of then and her, the sad
Annette
She called to me in velvet night, across the brawny moor
I found the moment contrary, resisting not her soft allure
I walked in nightmares sad lament, my heart decreed herein de-jure
I ascend the last few steps and stop.. and softly knock upon the door
I stood but for a moment there, the opening ajar
I sensed soft music on the breeze, originating from afar
Looking up I saw my tears reflected in the evening star
I stepped inside, a haunting scent adrift upon the evening air
I listened as the music played inside my mind, a soft octet
Silently the windows sang, with ornate glass in raised rosette
What happened next my heart denies, although has not forgotten yet
There beheld my eyes the hollow face of her.. the sad Annette
She sat there lost in solitude emotion thus demure
Her sedentary countenance at once was sullen, quite obscure
Attire of one whom long ago had donned her lost haute-couture
Though words cannot describe my feelings, as I sat...
and gazed at her
She looked my way but for a moment, she had sensed my hidden pain
Effaced a tear she’d wished unnoticed, smiled at me and then
She said “I love you”, closed her eyes and spoke these words again
It seemed as if she’d thrown my naked soul…
out in the rain
No other words were spoken as I turned, to take my leave
Annette had given me another reason, so to grieve
To see with crystal clarity, the failures I’ve achieved
To make my heart another lonely wretched refugee
To sit at days demise again with wine, and cigarette
Attempting to relieve my mind of her, although I haven’t yet
I live within the tortured realm of memories I can’t forget
Of years ago and three small words,
offered by the sad Annette.
Dean Evans
4-5-15
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 8:57 PM UTC
I find myself the poor and hapless victim, of your love
My heart now beats alone, to my dismay
But hearts will soon sucumb, to the things they’re victim of
And mine is fast approaching, an anguished judgement day
Within my mind I view my life in broad, and bold tableau
A panoramic tapestry, of guilt
Condemned to live at least for now, within the status quo
Behind these solid prison walls, I find my heart has built
Desire and I have fought at length, and come to no decision
No answers to the questions we engage
In fact at times I hear my heart in silent, cruel derision
That memories of you, have no hope.. to soon assuage
Relieve the endless, sleepless nights.. alone has come to be
Without you here, to ease my troubled mind
The tears that fall in pairs, drop two by two.. relentlessly
Eyes hold no remorse, for those already shed, I find
And so tonight I’ll lie beside my fire yet once again
While you and your devices plot intrigue
My hopes have drifted with the smoke, to dissipate disdain
It’s will to fight against the wind, left perfectly fatigued
Perhaps one day I’ll witness restless memories depart
I’ll know the reasons why love sought retreat
But for now, remain the hopeless victim of your heart
Alone in purdah, Six, one, forty five..
on 2nd street...
“Please pick up the phone..
Hello?..hello”..
(click)
Dean Evans
2-02-15
Feb 2, 2015
Feb 2, 2015 at 11:29 PM UTC
I hear that plaintiff sound again, in far off... haunting celebration
The passing train and people bound together, unknown destination
And I, beside my fire become a mental traveler, in meditation
I almost feel the rhythm of the rails...
in quiet contemplation
I close my eyes and quickly ride the stream...
upon reflective wend
My thoughts extend out endlessly, the flames and I...
somehow transcend
Reality now lies exempt, to witness restless dreams ascend
Aboard this translunary journey, rendezvous...
the Eastern wind
Looking up, imagination dances in the cloudless skies
The stars there offer bright solution, introspection?...
improvised
Then silently, a memory reveals itself to my surprise
A glimpse of you, where just a trace of sorrow…
sadly stains your eyes
Again I hear the whistle blow, and like a thousand times before
It seems to summon loneliness, with emptiness to underscore
That there are things I placed upon your heart,
that I must answer for
I suddenly awake alone, the darkness there...
and nothing more
I rise to stoke the coals and so revive again...
the warming flame
And find I must submit, to thus reside in sorrows cruel domain
The clouds are dropping down, to so release the storm on me ...
again
But as I drift to sleep, the dreams persist...
and only these remain
To hear that lonesome zephyr weep again, it’s
mournful revelation
Within the rain that falls upon my heart, resides my desperation
Can heartaches headstone lie among the ruins,
at the final station?
I listen to the dear departed sounds of love…
in revocation.
Dean Evans
1-17-15
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 7:29 PM UTC
ok sry slight re-write
Imagine, if you can… another time, a different place
Liberate your thoughts, allow them freedom...
into outer space
Worlds will quickly fall away, as will our dreams…
though we give chase
I say your name out loud, once again conjecture…
just in case
And hope, we really did exist... if only circumstance
Brought together cosmically, although all quite by accident
Nothing in the distance but the galaxies…
just happenstance
To glow for but a moment there,
within their silent... fleeting chance
No conceiver there, to create the Universe...divine
Just pressure, mass and energy... to inaugurate the dawn of time
Epochs come and go unnoticed, absent...
any Grand design
Though I can still recall a moment, I was yours...
and you were mine
We’d scan those clear Kentucky skies, beneath the bright,
but endless void
i must admit that there, with you…
my youthful heart was overjoyed
And we’d lie among the ruins of the laughter, we had so enjoyed
Time stretched far ahead of us, the illusion now...
sadly destroyed
So if we find one day, there is no God…
no grace we can foresee
No Heaven waiting there for us, no souls unite…
we cease to be
I’ll go to what awaits us all, it lies there silent…
patiently
But I can still recall those nights, they linger deep...
in memory
So if we just exist within a realm... of someone else's mind
They thought of us, and gave us all the happiness...
we came to find
With dreams of you and I, to gently comfort...
and remind
If only just that moment, when I was yours…
and you were mine
It was a
Time of Light..
Dean Evans
1-13-15
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 4:51 PM UTC
Alone again in darkness, though her memory shines on me
Everything is black beyond the light, too dim to see
So all there is to do is think, and so I do, regress
Into a place I've lost, or I haven't found, I guess...
Night time lets the lonesome man, into his lonesome ways
I write these words to no one, to attempt to sooth my days
The time is slow in passing, but the coffee sees to that
Black just as this room, that surrounds me at my back...
The nights all run together, and so the counting goes
How many nights my mind has wandered to her, I don't know
Anticipating answers to the questions I have asked
But the morning comes to quickly, the dreams are gone too fast
The feelings stay the same for me and will be, never broken
I pay my toll to loneliness, with sadness' heavy token
Through turnstiles into nothingness, I pass beyond the gate
It seems the train to hope has left me here, I'm much too late
And far into the distance, I can hear sweet voices call
No direction, sad reflection, darkness covers all
Not can I, be hopeful to recall what's fled my mind
What chance did I ever have?.., slim or none I find
The artificial light that illuminates this page
Eventually will burn itself out, fading with the age
And I myself may pass before the light no longer shines
Sitting in this chair with pen and paper, I'll recline
Though I assume the day will come for all of us, you know
When darkness overwhelms the life, the love you try to show
Being all alone is not the worst place I have found
By myself, into my thoughts and listening for the sound
The sound of silent memories, that come to visit here
The thought of this just leaves her voice.. ringing in my ears
The silence much too loud for me to notice sound, and thus
The darkness once again too bright, my eyes cannot adjust
Adjust to this, my fate to sit and wait here through the night
Wondering of pain and pleasure, I don't know which feels right
The feelings run together, though no telling them apart
I wonder when this night will end, or how it got it's start
My pen, it travels on it's own along these lines it seems
As though I'm writing all my thoughts inside of all my dreams
Too many to remember, but too few to help me out
Out of places filled with hopelessness, and doubt
But I suppose the ink will run, and smear across the pages
Consuming all that I have felt, so lost within the ages
And so I too, shall be lost, my memory gone to you
But what's a man like me, expect these things to do
They'll come to nights of all alone, and she will say to me
"You've lost the things you thought you had, so let your love go free"...
It never really lived for you, inside this darkened room
Where morning came too quickly,
and the light left her too soon...
Dean Evans
10-02-08
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 11:28 PM UTC
Someday, when I'm older I may have a thought of you
A smile upon my face, within the memory that I view
Remembering the ways of youth, and knowing youth is through
To replace my smile with simple tears, for all the things we knew
My lamp may light the room, and the things I come to find
Though darkness overwhelms me, and deep reaches of my mind
Imagining that long ago, and lost forgotten time
When you had said you loved me, in words so soft and kind
Sometimes in the early dawn, the sun will shine on me
And take me to a place, that had belonged to us, you see
A place where we had held onto our love, then set it free
I wonder, ponder all these things, but pray them not to be...
I pray the years to come, will not inflict my heart such pain
And hope my dreams of you, will not leave my nights insane
But weary as I am, I must sleep, and that is when
The thoughts come round, I hear the sound, of heartache once again
Someday when you're older you may think of me as well
Maybe in some story, to your children, that you'll tell
A memory that you will keep inside, within yourself
The tears, lost on pages in the books upon your shelf...
To lie there undisturbed, though visited at times
Each stain , another piece of you and I, dropped from your eyes
Belonging to your heart, each teardrop held there tells you why
The smiles were lost, and what the cost, of long ago goodbye...
Age, however may not play with us, It’s cruel game
Time may pass, and all for us continue, stay the same
But if somehow I should forget, some things will still remain
The way you whispered how that you had loved me, and your name...
I've written thousands, such as these, words of you to hold...
A way to keep the killing, chilling winds of of age, and old
Out of my broken heart for you, this... to myself I've told
I use it as a way to lock outside alone, and cold...
The cold of being lost in time, the chill of no one there
And so I've tried, but know that I must keep the memories where
Time nor circumstance will find my mind so doctrinaire
And few are found the answers to my heartaches questionnaire
I write down broken memories, for I know about these things
The day we said our vows, and exchanged our golden rings
To me it comes as music, and the song my angel sings
That someday when I'm older... into my mind it brings,
A thought of you........
Dean Evans
1-06-09
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 11:20 PM UTC
I believe some things are meant to leave you far behind
Lost in lonely regions, deep within your mind
What becomes of you or me is found within the storm
Questions with no answer, that have now become the norm
Depression rips and tears at you, to leave a troubled heart
At times you sit and wonder, how did nothing get it’s start
People seem as strangers though you see them everyday
Time has seen that happiness, or dream of it decay
At times you smile, but deep inside the smile is just a mask
A way to keep the peering eyes that follow, off their task
To live in isolation, surrounded by the crowd
Thoughts that fill your mind, very few you say out loud
Night time races in again, to leave you to yourself
The drugs are taken as prescribed, most times with little help
You leave the fires burning, seek comfort from the light
The silence sings too loudly, with darkness much too bright
But morning brings the bitter rain of tears and lost regret
Time shall heal all wounds they say, I haven’t got there yet
So until then I suppose I’ll do what I can do
The years ahead seem close at hand, but that is nothing new
Time is closing in on me, I’ve known it for some time
The future watches, waiting for the day set forth as mine
And when the day arrives for me, I’ll see the wasted years
Remembering the days of pain,
within the time of tears...
Dean Evans
3-10-14
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 8:51 PM UTC
At times it seems to hard to go on living
Peace, and ease of thought have not yet found me
Sorrow pours, and the skies are unforgiving
Life rains, until I think that it might drown me
I've searched and searched for answers, but there are none
So where am I to turn for what I seek
The promise, and the hope I had, are long gone
What's left inside this shell of me is weak
I don't know how much longer faith can hold me
To arise and greet each day, and try again
Afraid that all this pain that tries so boldly
Will throw my naked soul out in the rain
No shelter from these random thoughts of leaving
That things would work out better, with me gone
But my old friend Guilt, keeps me believing
My death would only leave behind more harm
So I must travel on inside this nightmare
A terror worse because I'm not asleep
This mirror shows me nothing but a blank stare
I've found I've lost the will, to even weep
But crying hasn't solved these problems yet
It only leave the heart that cries, the sad one
It takes my thoughts but won't let me forget
I've tried to live a life, but I don't have one
And knowing the tormented mind won't rest
That empty thoughts and pain, still rule the day
The night allows no sleep, and seems to test
Is there Heaven?, is there God?
from hell I pray.
Dean Evans
4-24-2004
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 7:12 PM UTC
Old friends are gone and others leaving
I stay... attempt to comfort grieving
And think of times we laughed in jest
It seems I block out all the rest
The days spent, lost those joyous rare
And if I try to dream them there
It doesn't bring me heartless pain
That sudden consciousness again
Lucky to have known at all
Our seasons spent into the fall
The promise winter makes to me
Cold winds remind of "used to be"
The summer days we played our games
But now I go and read the names
Of friends who hold me in their dash
Dust to dust... Ash to ash...
For I must be upon this earth
To find those things, for what it's worth
I know there is a plan.. to be
That God has kept concealed from me
It's written on the wind, they say
Can I endure another day ?
The loneliness of days released
For friends, and friendship do not cease
I stand as windows sentry now
For someone stopping by, but how
I guess I'll have to go to them
The years shall pass.. I question when
When will God decide to take me
Not to leave me.. not forsake me..
In sorrow's cruel unhappiness
For all those lost, and it's loneliness
I'll ponder as the ages pass
Plant new flowers in the grass
And though I'll shed a million tears
I'll sit and wait throughout the years
I feel that I will be the last
Believing... dreaming of the past
But gifted, if I am... or cursed
I fear the years to come the worst
I've realized , I'll still be here
Hope lost in those final years
After all have gone to be
With Heaven that is kept...
from me
I may have only lost my way
Perhaps I've missed my fateful day
If death has called, I wasn't near
Now I stand throughout the years
But I am sure someday day , I'll go
Like all loved ones, and friends I know
He makes me wait and there is time
What's gone in me is lost,
in mind...
Immortal?.. no...I'll live my life
But see my children... friends,
my wife...
All leave this earth, before I do
That is my curse.. the loss,
of you..
But I must do, what I must do
Be there...
I'll catch up to you.........
Dean Evans
2-24-07
(REvised 8-29-14)
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 7:09 PM UTC
I’ve sat and thought about the things in life, that I’ve done wrong
The tears I've placed there in your eyes, the dreams that now are gone
I still recall the changing light, promises...
in the dawn
Now the years have passed us by, at times cruel sine qua non
Please do not believe that I’ve forgotten what was said
Those dreams we wished for in our youth, still trapped inside my head
Felicity, please understand, is in the lives that we have led
But I still hear the echoes of those lost and broken dreams, instead
Remembering that sunset, and those wispy angel clouds
The only sound the wind... and our hearts, away from city crowds
We knew back then the love we had, would never let us down
But the cool green leaves of Summer, have now sadly turned to brown
Those nights with you were then, and are the best times I have known
I live within those memories, for the winds of age have blown
I reap the painful harvest of the sorrow that I’ve grown
Can I repair your heart?, that remains in the unknown
Please do not misunderstand, I’ve loved you all this time
It’s just that I have thoughts that come to cloud my troubled mind
I’ve left too many words unsaid,
too many tears behind
And now the past is slowly creeping up on me, I find
To leave me here to live with all the pain I’ve put you through
As you must so endure, the self-reproach I’ve given you
I ask only forgiveness, I know the asking's overdue
My life is what it is,
but it’s nothing without you…
Dean Evans
12-12-14
For C.
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 6:59 PM UTC