My heart spoke to me tonight.
It asked me, “why must you deny love?”
This question has been pumping the blood coursing through my veins, from the beginning of time, only just revealing itself to my conscious.
The pain in my body had only been growing the longer I led myself to emptiness, urging me to understand my truth. The truth that I am still in love and will always be. An egotistical notion to rid myself of this beauty, this notion that you push and ask of me.
This realization is important to me. To recognize this achievement that we harvested, and to not lay it in the grave. This realization gives me room to let go of animosity. With this idea, I am no longer weighed down by broken promises falling from my tongue.
…At least, in my own realm, I am allowed to let my feelings fill my heart. I may let go of you indefinitely with consoling apology to hold onto my love.
Feb 9, 2020
Feb 9, 2020 at 4:00 PM UTC
Painkillers fallen all around me
In every direction, I lay amongst them
Such a terrible sound was made when they spilled
Painkillers fallen all around me
Woken from my slumber
I put one in my mouth and do not deal with the rest until morning
Painkillers fallen all around me
Such a safety to have so many unswallowed
But how will I feel when they run out?
I count the number as I pick them up
Like a clock ticking louder with each second, cautioning, that my pain better be gone before the time this bottle is finished
Not until now did I realize the luxury of sharing a family bottle
Painkillers fallen all around me
They fall so my tears don’t have to
But I’m not fooled by their innocent appearance
I know they are a bargain
A trade for a temporary mend,
So my heart can quiet its hurt for a little while
Painkillers fallen all around me
But why do they want to **** my pain?
Why can’t they see that my pain is a part of me?
Can’t they understand that without pain there is no living?
Why do they want to **** me?
Painkillers fallen all around me
Making it so easy for me to ignore my sadness
I can live in this world if only I let a part of me die
If I stop trying to sing my story
If I smile when I want to frown
If I let the painkillers do their job
Painkillers fallen all around me
They wouldn’t have fallen if the **** bottle wasn’t so hard to open,
Making me prefer to leave it uncapped
There was a time when I never cared that the bottle was sealed
Oh how I envy that now
Where can I find the strength to close the lid?
Painkillers fallen all around me
Feb 8, 2020
Feb 8, 2020 at 3:16 AM UTC