Insecurity is a fast acting disease.
Pouring into every cell,
thickening the lens,
distorting view.
Erupt in jealousy,
tension fills the chest, breathing deep feels sharp.
Pick at their flaws,
make them feel small, tempt them to inch down to your level.
Do what you can, in every desperate attempt,
But the self disgust still radiates off your skin.
The unjustified hatred will
consume you,
convince you,
that you truly are the victim.
But it is merely a sickness that will eat you away.
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 9:57 AM UTC
Catch a glimpse under the microscope,
perspectives skewed
lens unhinged
liquid light reveals its pathetic placid form.
Apr 15, 2020
Apr 15, 2020 at 8:28 PM UTC
It's the air,
the waft of coolness that erodes at heat till its steal.
the spread of grey sky; miles and miles.
A phantom limb of memories.
The air isolates and confines,
enough to hide the horizon,
enough for the longing of heat to feel numb,
Impassible; however attempting.
to subside a feeling that makes your gut twist.
A bitter disgust for yourself and the way you let others treat you.
Impassible, yet passive
as you do anything to untangle the sick feeling that lingers.
It's the air,
a reminder on a day like this your worth left you empty.
Nov 8, 2019
Nov 8, 2019 at 9:26 PM UTC
My words were wasted
they collect,
then they spill.
A sliced artery.
Words flood away from the cluttered blue in my veins,
leaving them empty.
I spill more; the metal aroma pools inside my mouth,
no words,
choke and spit on the blood.
Breath escaping deflated lungs,
making me shrink into a brittle relapse.
Oct 20, 2019
Oct 20, 2019 at 2:43 PM UTC
Just thinking about it,
how simple this specific happiness is.
No obstacles or intricate riddles.
Just being able to look at happiness front and center, as if its an object that can be touched and obtained.
A material that stretches to skin and holds in place.
for a while it seemed beyond recognition; attempting to forwardly search the horizon, no able identification and completely hollow.
Now hands hold.
Many forms can be seen, whether its his, hers, or self.
It stretches miles, a face that can be memorized. Associate it with content things.
However, there are faces that shake the earth completely. Etchings that run deeper than they appear, stabbing pridefully; plunging over and over again with no remorse, even though their battle had nothing to do with it, a battle within themselves.
Thinking about it
and how irrelevant it all is. How ignorance threaded through enough to believe that their actions or acceptance actually meant anything.
See them front and center and feel nothing; association fleeting and less vivid than what used to be seen.
Now the vivid colors lie with what is important.
It took time, to understand its access.
thoughts too clouded to reach; thinking hands couldn't feel anything but emptiness.
Now they reach and feel warmth.
Sep 10, 2019
Sep 10, 2019 at 10:48 AM UTC
Sun sears the surface of skin, previously flushed in cool, that lasted months.
Its light shines on a book of folded pages left from a stale summer,
dusted and ageing.
Eyes will never see the words: underlined, erased, written, and sealed through the pain of every day of the staleness.
They will stay absorbed in a placid world of four corners, their own words bouncing back on the walls.
Egotistical filters shield those I loved away.
The coolness of winter fills the spaces of the air; eventually dies,
as I thaw out and remember the bitter memory of the staleness.
A book I read over and over again, pages I fold and leaf like I can show them to you.
And a summer I'm trying to face forward.
Jun 8, 2019
Jun 8, 2019 at 7:45 PM UTC
Chest heaving and full,
air stretching your skin into a thin paper sheet.
A moment where you avoid your reflection,
until every piece of clothing is peeled off,
the cover cascading into silky wrinkles on the ice tile.
A moment when you finally meet your voided gaze.
eyes hardened,
decided, as your hands work through the memory.
A moment you dig into the thin paper until the fuel in your chest deflates,
red exudes and pools.
There is a moment when only pain matters,
the sting taking over and dulling your senses.
-A Moment like nothing else.
May 13, 2019
May 13, 2019 at 3:56 PM UTC
Eyes are full,
hugging mine
held without
a touch.
Gravity keeps me
planted,
still,
floating-
a press of flesh,
a pull through the chest
magnets penetrate
deeper than skin.
a force unlike,
uncanny,
unreal,
floating-
but it still holds you close.
Mar 29, 2019
Mar 29, 2019 at 3:26 PM UTC
We cling and attach to anyone who stabilizes;
sway in the wind wistfully high as dandelion seeds carry.
We plant ourselves in the ground for survival, but some make the mistake of planting into others.
Our survival relies on those we feed on. Dependent and Fastened. My skin adhered to the thick of your heart.
Why do we deem it necessary to grab fistfuls of each others flesh?
Our instinct reminds us that we are grains of sand when not connected in tandem with one another. We rather starve than feel alone.
Id rather starve and strain every cell of myself.
Breathing seems difficult as your absence weighs heavily on my chest. I cant tell if i'm a lost grain of sand floating along seeding dandelions or if i'm rooted and heaving.
Either way seems unbearable without you.
But in your absence, instead of clinging onto flesh, instead of treating myself as adhesive and surviving for the sake of your breath;
I am living with the pain you made.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 5:35 PM UTC
Warm sunshine beating on my back.
Green vines dancing the width of a tree trunk.
Trickling streams fall off mossy rocks, like tiny diamonds, absorbed into the river of glass.
Will I shatter the river?
Could my body perfectly absorb and flow with the glaceing current?
I haven't decided.
Dec 4, 2018
Dec 4, 2018 at 11:20 AM UTC