i don't think you really understand
when i say that i need you.
when i say that i need you, i mean that i need you like a mechanic needs WD-40. how am i supposed to fix anything without you to smooth the rusty corners of my crooked work?
when i say that i need you, i mean that i need you like a plant needs the sun for photosynthesis. and even though a plant will bloom in artificial light, i need the authentic rays of your genuine beams
when i say that i need you, i mean that i need you like an artist needs paint. i'm here trying to create something beautiful but can't find anything beautiful within myself to build with
when i say that i need you, i mean that i need you like i need to listen to the same sad song on repeat, over and over, until every bone in my body is sore with the pain of the risk i'm taking by loving you
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 2:57 AM UTC
i can't help but wonder
if you kissed her the way you kiss me
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 2:41 AM UTC
romance is giving me the last bite of your sandwich even though it's the best part with the cheese running down the sides
romance is holding the door for me when your arms are full of books and papers
romance is playing with my ***** hair when i haven't showered in days because you know i love it
romance is patiently holding water to my lips when i'm too drunk to keep my hand steady
romance is giving me your last cigarette when i've had a long day, even though i know you won't be able to scrape together change for a new pack
romance is asking me to marry you with a key ring because that's all we have the money for because we're young and crazy
romance is sitting in the back of the car laughing at nothing because our eyes get so squinty when we're ******
romance is leaving what you're doing to come pick me up when i called you crying for no reason
romance is holding my hand and my head and my heart in silence when i can't find the words to express the chaos inside my own mind
romance is listening to me ramble about the same old **** and caring just as much as when i told you the first time
romance is the way you smile when i'm sad, the way you cradle my head in your neck, the way you kiss me on the nose, the way you text me good morning and goodnight every day, the way you tell me you love me and mean it
romance is you, and me, together
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 7:39 AM UTC
the thoughts only flow with the liquor
my mind is only clear when it's clouded
free expression comes with a dose of self medication
releasing my inhibitions on the world
if only in the form of a sloppy poem
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 12:22 AM UTC
my mind is always running
in circles
around itself.
but today, i found peace
in the ring
of your laughter.
Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC
maybe one more cigarette will do the trick
maybe the smoke will fill my mind until there's no room left for these thoughts that i can't bury inside any longer. maybe it will choke out the memories of loves past and loves released. maybe it will **** the weary cells within me.
maybe one less meal will fix my mind
maybe depriving my body of the proper nutrients will **** out the hatred from my bones. maybe an empty stomach will provide an empty mind. maybe i will be so focused on my hunger that i won't be able to focus on regrets.
maybe another drink will solve things
maybe i won't remember any of this tomorrow, and i will awake with a fresh mind and a fresh start to this life that i've so gloriously ****** maybe if i could just forget for a moment, if i could just let go for a few moments, it will all pass away and the stars will shine again.
maybe a little more pain will make it leave
maybe by tracing this razor across my skin, the demons will flow out with the blood, ceremoniously intertwined together. maybe if i can just feel something, anything, i will remember that i'm still alive.
maybe one more kiss will take me away
maybe if we could just press our lips together, the pain and the guilt and the doubt will fade away into the bliss that is our love. maybe if you would just put your skin on mine, and i could feel your heartbeat, and your blood, and your life, then i will know that there is a reason i'm alive. maybe if you trace your fingers down my spine, i will know that there is a reason i'm here. maybe i will finally realize that i'm worth it, despite the evil inside trying to choke out any hope of my freedom. maybe if you could just hold me one more time, i will feel safe in my own skin again. and i will take back my body like a victor. and i will own my skin, and my hair, and my bones and my lungs and my heart, and remember them as the gift that they are. maybe i will win.
maybe
Apr 25, 2014
Apr 25, 2014 at 3:04 PM UTC
what kind of a boy
would love a girl
who does that
to herself
Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 4:30 PM UTC
here am i,
again
this place of quiet desperation
of lonely nights
of harsh realities
the likes of which i am unable to cope
and then there's you
the innocence of your eyes
the clever curve of your lips
the strong hold of your arms
with our fingers intertwined, the fear fades
when you hold me, the world seems small
and we kiss, and life is beautiful again
and it's here
in your arms
i feel whole again
Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 2:28 AM UTC
he told me, he likes 'alternative' girls
i'm pretty sure he meant it as a compliment,
but it was not received that way.
don't get me wrong
there's nothing wrong with pursuing an 'alternative' lifestyle
or an 'alternative' style
or an 'alternative' taste in ******* men
but there's something wrong with being called an 'alternative' girl
i'm not sure when i transitioned from a person to a preference
or when my body became a fetish rather than a human form
like there is some stigma attached to the piercings in my ears
or the tattoos on my body
that means i must be a freak in bed
or that i must be totally down with casual ***
and not being called the next day
as if i didn't show you secret parts of me, and i don't mean my body
and being ignored when you see me in public
as if you never called me beautiful, and i almost believed it
and now you're sitting with your 'mainstream' girl
who is more approved by the onlookers to your average life.
despite how you may perceive who i am,
i will never be your alternative girl.
Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 1:14 AM UTC
what do you want to see?
which part of my body can i show you without exposing too much of
my self?
what will fulfill your fantasies enough for you to consider me pretty, or
at least passable?
which part will highlight my best features, while hiding my insecurities?
what do you want me to wear?
what **** little number will put you most in the mood to call me beautiful?
what will make you look at me with a desire to know me better?
how can i best disguise the fear behind my eyes by distracting your gaze?
what do you want me to do?
how can i please you enough to make you believe i'm attractive?
what motion will best pull out your willingness to call me again tomorrow?
which position will convince you that i was worth your time?
tell me what to do
tell me how to please you
i will do anything
to deserve
your approval
Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 12:57 AM UTC