Act One
Scene: a blue room with white curtains all drawn together tight
A broken record player filling my mouth with buzzing noise
You sit on the couch the way a queen sits on a conquered city
My eyes blind themselves with the dark of your hair
Time: When the sun and the moon collide
This is the part where I meet you
Where I really meet you
Where I get to know the inside of your cheek
The beating of your fluttery heart
The bruises on your sides like blooming roses
The soft hush of your words melting into my mouth
We play at lovers in a game that isn't our own
Act Two
Scene: Flashing lights sending the room into a flurry of technicolor madness
A bottle of ***** burning my throat like swallowed wooden matches
In a sea of movement you turn into a deity all on your own
My hands shake from the inside out and it is nothing, it is nothing
Time: When the waves engulfed the shore
This is the part where I hate you
Where I don't really hate you
But I hate him and him and her and him
And the way you are holding on to bones that are not my own
The clawing at my chest
The blood spinning in my head
The way you mean everything to me
And I don't even cast a shadow in your world
The way you shine and all I can do is long
I never meant for jealousy to wear my skin like a tailored suit
Act Three
Scene: An empty street and a lonely light
Jagged bricks digging into the soft part of my neck
You lean on a car and you don't look me in the eye
My tongue bleeds from all the words I cannot say
Time: When the stars fall from the sky
This is the part where I lose you
Except that I don't really lose you
Because in order to lose something, you must first have it
And I never had you
But I did keep your butterfly laugh in the cracks between my ribs
Your favorite lipstick in the pocket of my jacket
The broken shards of your full length mirror buried in my hands
I knew some people always loved more, always loved less, but I never knew you didn't love at all
Act Four
Scene: a blue room with white curtains all drawn tight
A broken record player imitating life
You are nowhere to be found and yet your ghost keeps popping around
My spine creaks from the weight of the world, of love, of you
Time: When the moon stills sing for the morning light
This is the part where I wait for you
Where I really wait for you
Because I am stupid and naive and hopelessly hopeful
And maybe it's pathetic
But I'm still waiting for the sound of your heavy footsteps
Your red sweater on my desk
The warmth of your presence
For you to love me back
I'm still waiting for you to come back
Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015 at 1:32 PM UTC
I am a library
Of half-read books
That no one has bothered
To finish
Apr 17, 2015
Apr 17, 2015 at 9:46 AM UTC
My dear, every touch from you
Is holy absolution
Every press of the lips
Is a new wave of salvation
Time and time again
You have rescued me from damnation
In you lies the sacred and the divine
Darling, the prophets would have built shrines
With roofs touching the skies
Altars all bathed in golden light
Crusaders would have stabbed every man
With their own spines
Kings and queens and popes
Would have swallowed
The gems from their crowns and thrones
To have this love
This love is too big
To be shoved into confessionals
This love is too holy
For tightly gripped prayer beads
And acts of contrition
This love is too great
For anything less than
The highest seat in heaven
No old bearded bible entity
Can tell me how to live in my faith
No-one- not even Leviticus or Moses or whoever the ****
Can tell me that this is a sin
How can it be a sin
When I have stopped searching for God
The moment I saw you
Apr 17, 2015
Apr 17, 2015 at 4:40 AM UTC
If you cry inside your bedroom
And there is nobody around to hear you
Do you still make a sound?
You are at the foot of your bed
The pieces of a broken mirror
Surrounding you like makeshift stars
You build yourself a galaxy to drown in
And maybe you cried for salvation
Or maybe you cried out of pain
Or maybe you cried on the ****** chance
That someone will hear
You are at the foot of your bed
The claw marks on your chest
Making you look more savage than ever
You howl at the moon
But it is so dark
And the sky is so vast
And the moon was never there to begin with
You are at the foot of your bed
And you know
That your house was built on thin walls
And you keep waiting for
A knock on the door
Or a voice telling you to stop
Or any indication that someone heard you
And you know, oh you know
It's never gonna come
If you cry inside your bedroom
And there is nobody around to hear you
Do you still make a sound?
Does it matter?
You are still alone
Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 6:42 AM UTC
i burned myself out to keep you warm
and you said that i was dripping ash on your carpeted floor
Jan 25, 2015
Jan 25, 2015 at 5:20 AM UTC
The other day
When I said that your face reminds me of a rhinoceros
I wasn't saying that you look like a bulky box
Or that your skin looks grey
I was really trying to say that
You make me feel like there are a hundred
5 ton mammals stampeding across my heart
And sometimes when I look at you
I can't even breathe
Because all the weight of wanting this
Crushes my lungs til my chest burns like an African desert
Consequently most rhinos are found in Africa
And I researched all of this in the hopes that
Maybe you would understand
You see the thing is I am not good with emotions
And I know as much about love as I know about quantum physics
And I don't even know what quantum physics is about
Or what it means for that matter
I've been trying to read all the romance novels that I could find
I've been trying to watch all the rom-coms I can torrent
Hell I even watched Valentine's Day thrice
But I still don't know what to do when I'm with you
I am unsure and clumsy and petrified
So much so that I can't even work up the courage
To hold your hand
I'm trying, I really am
It's just so **** difficult
When falling in love feels more like
Jumping out of a helicopter
A hundred thousand feet up
Without a parachute on
One day I will be able
To directly say what I really mean
Without metaphors involving animals
That only I understand
But for now let me just say
Your face reminds me of a rhinoceros
Dec 31, 2014
Dec 31, 2014 at 7:02 AM UTC
Talk to me
Talk to me about half-finished journals and empty theaters
Talk to me about the calluses on the soles of your feet
Do you think they look like art?
Talk to me about the bobby pins stuck between the sheets of your bed
Talk to me about the broken doorbell in your childhood house
Why have you never gotten it fixed?
Do you think it says a lot about your family?
Do you think it’s a metaphor for your parents’ relationship?
Talk to me about the ghosts in your head
I wanna see if they look like mine
If they were friends in some past, unfulfilled life
Talk to me about kites
Talk to me about knee high socks
What do they remind you of?
Talk to me about spilled lemonade
Does the sourness still linger on your tongue
Long after the mess as been mopped up?
Talk to me about your 10th grade English teacher
Do you resent her blatant favouritism?
Do you wonder why she didn’t like you the best?
Do you ever wonder why
It seems like nobody likes you the best?
Talk to me about the peonies in the garbage chute
Talk to me about untied shoelaces
And an 8 year old’s skinned knees
Talk to me about slippery floors
Talk to me about illegal downloads
Talk to me about Tarsiers
Talk to me about oil pastels
Do you prefer them over any other art medium
Because they are dirtier, messier and more difficult to work with it?
Talk to me about recycling
Do you think it’s pointless?
Or do you think it’s gonna make a significant difference?
Talk to me about Broadway musicals
Talk to me about Hercules
Have you ever dreamed of being immortalized
Through the whispering of the stars?
Talk to me about god
Do you think god made man
Or did man make god?
Talk to me about clay pots
Talk to me about cacti
Talk to me about the color grey
Talk to me about plastic balloons
When did you learn that the art of letting go
Is closely intertwined with the tragedy of loss?
Talk to me about films
Talk to me about knuckles
What do you tell your grandmother
When she asks why they are bruised and wounded?
Talk to me about Geishas
Talk to me about roadtrips
And that one time when you were 15
And you drove away in your older brother’s car
Feeling young and reckless and so so alive
Talk to me about pain
Every stabbing hurt
Every mouth filled with blood
Talk to me about joy
Both the abundance and the lack of it
Talk to me about love
And warmth
And light
And the sound of coming home
Talk to me
Write your life’s story on torn Christmas wrappers
And I will hold them in my hands like sacred beads of prayer
Talk to me
Open the cracks of your spine and engulf me in the shade of your eyes
Talk to me
Let me in
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 5:19 AM UTC
1.) When your mother tells you she wants to **** herself, you will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too".
2.) You will sit in shocked silence like the ocean as it waits for the storm to pass. The storm will not pass. It will always be there. It will uproot the foundations of your home. It will drown you in the crying of the skies.
3.) Her hands will shake like a series of earthquakes have been running through her veins. You will try not to resent her. You will fail.
4.) Her lower lip will tremble like a leaf swaying in the darkness. You will try not to resent her. You will fail.
5.) She will say "I want to be engulfed by the sea. I want to not be able to breathe". You will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"
6.) Her eyes become headlights and you become the deer. You will want to run away. Don't run away.
7.) There will be days where you will miss the sound of nothing her arms can bring. There will be days where you will have to inject concrete into your own. There will be days where you will have to carry the weight of her broken spine and you will wonder how something so seemingly fragile can be so heavy. There will be days where you will have to be the strong one. But you are never the strong one.
8.) If you can't stop your tears from soaking your pillow, do not forget to flip it over. Do not let her the stains. Do not let her see your pain. Do not let her see how much this makes you want to bleed out from your eyes.
9.) She will say "I want to hang from the highest tree. I want to not be able to breathe". You will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"
10.) These walls are a lot harder than you think and your knuckles are weaker than they look so please, don't try to punch holes into them. Take a camera and satisfy yourself with the emptiness of your own soul.
11.) Your brother will be screaming into the oblivion and you will be lying spread eagle on the floor of your bedroom. You will think of the mountain of ******** you have to face yourself. You will want to ignore him. You won't be able to. You will want to be selfish. Don't be selfish.
12.) The TV will only show reruns and the news will keep repeating itself. No matter how much you want to smash the screen and rip the paper into shreds, don't.
13.) There are lines connecting you to this to her to life to death to flying to falling to burning to choking on every word you wanted to say.
14.) When your mother tells you she wants to **** herself, you will have to force a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too".
15.) You will regret forcing a fist down your throat to keep yourself from saying "me too"
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 10:12 AM UTC
I didn't "fall" in love with you
Because the word "fall"" makes it sound like it was some sort of accident
Makes it sound like it was some random mishap
Like I was walking on the street
Like I tripped over nothing
Like I "fell" into an open manhole and scraped my knobby knees
Like I didn't see what I was getting into
Like I didn't choose this
Like I didn't choose you
Because I jumped into love with you
I had my eyes opened wide and even then
There was nothing else in my field of vision but you
I had my arms opened so wide so that I could hold all the parts of you
Even the parts that you choke down day by day
I had my heart opened so wide because I wanted you
To make a home out of it
Because I jumped into love with you
But sometimes I feel like I shouldn't say that
I jumped into love "with" you
Because the word "with" makes it sound like we did it together
Like you held my hand tight enough to leave imprints of your fingerprints
Like you wrapped me in your warmth and never let the cold seep through to my lips
Like you jumped with me too
Like you said "I'm in love you"
But you didn't
So maybe I'll just say that
I jumped into love because of you
Or maybe
I jumped into a crushing abyss of pain and despair because of you
Whichever of those two
They're basically the same anyway
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 12:44 PM UTC
My heart was crawling up my throat and out of my mouth
And I never thought to swallow it down
So I let it spill out in the form of "I'm falling in love with you"
Except that I didn't
Because my words crumbled to dust before they even escaped the cavern of my lips
He put his hand over my mouth
Before I can even let the word love trip off my tongue
And he told me to stop
I swear even the earth stood still on its axis
And he told me to stop
He said he couldn't handle it
And he told me to stop
I wanted to laugh and then wanted to cry
Because there I was shaking
With blood in my mouth
Bruises around my neck and wounds in my chest
And I could see why he'd say he couldn't handle it
But ********* I wanted him to try
I was holding my heart in my palms as a series of earthquakes hit my hands
And it would have hurt a lot less
If he said he did not want it
Or that he couldn't give a rat's *** about the pathetic mess that has become me
But he said he couldn't handle it
And I know, I know that
Love is a pretty heavy concept
But he has shouldered boulders and tsunami tides and entire planets in the past
He told me he couldn't handle it
And I tell myself that love is a pretty heavy concept
But a voice at the back of my mind says
"If he wanted to, if he really wanted you, he would try. He could handle it."
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 11:36 AM UTC