crystal-alissa-sierra - Hello Poetry

If only it was that easy to leave, pack up all the memories.... stuff boxes and boxes of pointless material things and leave the past like a pebble on the unmarked road of life. If only it was that easy to never look back and keep your mind focused on the future and the possibilities. If only it was that easy to not follow in someone else's foot steps; to not rewrite the past failures of your family and to achieve all you can be. If only life was that easy; then maybe... just maybe I could keep that smile on my face for a reason, instead of wearing it like a mask to show everyone I will survive and find my own way. I was born alone so I'm going to figure this out on my own.

0

Jul 12, 2013

Jul 12, 2013 at 7:45 PM UTC

crystal-alissa-sierra

If Only It Was That Easy

If only it was that easy to leave, pack up all the memories.... stuff boxes and boxes of pointless material things and leave the past like a pebble on the unmarked road of life. If only it was that easy to never look back and keep your mind focused on the future and the possibilities. If only it was that easy to not follow in someone else's foot steps; to not rewrite the past failures of your family and to achieve all you can be. If only life was that easy; then maybe... just maybe I could keep that smile on my face for a reason, instead of wearing it like a mask to show everyone I will survive and find my own way. I was born alone so I'm going to figure this out on my own.

25

This negativity in my life has caused me to believe I'm alone and can trust no one. It has lead me to think I am a selfish teenager who is never good enough. I don't understand these double standards that make me afraid to make mistakes. These insecurities that make me feel like my opinions don't matter. The truth is I find it unfair that I get labeled as ungrateful in my own home, when every night I thank God for the things he has blessed my family and I with. The facts are I 'm confused and full of anger. I need this negativity to stop blaming me for things I didn't ask for and couldn't help. I need it to give me some freedom to find my own way, and make a difference. If only she wouldn't judge me I would be open to telling her all the things I keep bottled up inside. I look in the mirror and see an empty, foolish girl who contains as much joy as a punching bag. But how much more can she take before her grades start slipping and failure creeps in, and the voice ringing in her ears before she drops comes from the women she calls mom.

0

Jul 10, 2013

Jul 10, 2013 at 10:27 PM UTC

crystal-alissa-sierra

Before I drop

This negativity in my life has caused me to believe I'm alone and can trust no one. It has lead me to think I am a selfish teenager who is never good enough. I don't understand these double standards that make me afraid to make mistakes. These insecurities that make me feel like my opinions don't matter. The truth is I find it unfair that I get labeled as ungrateful in my own home, when every night I thank God for the things he has blessed my family and I with. The facts are I 'm confused and full of anger. I need this negativity to stop blaming me for things I didn't ask for and couldn't help. I need it to give me some freedom to find my own way, and make a difference. If only she wouldn't judge me I would be open to telling her all the things I keep bottled up inside. I look in the mirror and see an empty, foolish girl who contains as much joy as a punching bag. But how much more can she take before her grades start slipping and failure creeps in, and the voice ringing in her ears before she drops comes from the women she calls mom.

14

Standing there in the intensely chilled room, trying to keep a straight face because if I cracked she would know... I was lying. My mother the independent single mom of three kids, who worked eleven hours a day always kept a tight leash on me, and the tighter it got the more I thrived for the freedom that wasn't there. Everyone must be willing to pay a price for freedom... mine was remorse. Remorse for being egotistical, for how hard my mom worked and how I neglect the life I have; Because I spend too much time finding other people to blame. To much energy finding excuses for not being what I am capable of being, and not enough energy putting myself on the line. Freedom is the right to question and change the established way of doing things. I was not graced with this luxury. In my house you do what your told, don't talk back, and hide any feeling of frustration or anger. I thought I was like the people in my books about freedom. However their fight for freedom was ways more significant than mine. They lied for their family and their life. I lied for what I assumed I deserved. But the trouble with lying and deceiving is that my efficiency depends entirely upon a clear notion that I, the liar and deceiver, wishes to hide. Because the best liar is the one who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way. Although freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes; it is better than feeling the cutting air across your neck, trying to keep a straight face, because the last thing I want to do is... Crack.

0

Jul 3, 2013

Jul 3, 2013 at 10:55 AM UTC

crystal-alissa-sierra

Lying for Teenage Freedom

Standing there in the intensely chilled room, trying to keep a straight face because if I cracked she would know... I was lying. My mother the independent single mom of three kids, who worked eleven hours a day always kept a tight leash on me, and the tighter it got the more I thrived for the freedom that wasn't there. Everyone must be willing to pay a price for freedom... mine was remorse. Remorse for being egotistical, for how hard my mom worked and how I neglect the life I have; Because I spend too much time finding other people to blame. To much energy finding excuses for not being what I am capable of being, and not enough energy putting myself on the line. Freedom is the right to question and change the established way of doing things. I was not graced with this luxury. In my house you do what your told, don't talk back, and hide any feeling of frustration or anger. I thought I was like the people in my books about freedom. However their fight for freedom was ways more significant than mine. They lied for their family and their life. I lied for what I assumed I deserved. But the trouble with lying and deceiving is that my efficiency depends entirely upon a clear notion that I, the liar and deceiver, wishes to hide. Because the best liar is the one who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way. Although freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes; it is better than feeling the cutting air across your neck, trying to keep a straight face, because the last thing I want to do is... Crack.

40