In the beginning I had no doubt
I would return to the way I once was
There was no question about it
Years have now passed
Things didn't go back to the way they once were
And I finally realized I would never return to the way I once was
It took 4 years to finally realize the obvious
I once thought I would not live long enough to see my hair grow back
It grew back
Time went on
I got older
The nostalgia and longing for my old life got worse
I looked out the window today
And the pain cut deep
For me, the outside world is out of reach
It's there
It's real
But I am no longer part of it
I burry my face in my pillow and let the tears come
They always come
Every day is the same day
An overwhelmingly long day
I look into a mirror
The same face I see every day looks back at me
She frowns
At least I think that's what that ****** expression is
A face that is held together with so much metal seems more robotic than human
My back hurts now, so I should lie down completely
That's also held together with metal
So are many other parts of my body
I don't have the strength to make a list of what's held in place with metal bolts and screws
I rest my bionic self in bed
As comfortably as I can
And sigh
My heart hurts...
Now that part is still human
Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 10:17 AM UTC
Smoke outside
Nice warm September evening
Just a reminder of a summer that passed
And the wanting to keep it
The memories remain
And pain me
Robbie looks into my eyes
And I can’t look away
On the bus ride home
To my left he sits in his car
But does not look over at me
He remains in my heart
While I remain on the bus
When I step through the door
Feeling far away from him
He becomes a memory
And as much as my heart loves him
My logic, or what remains
Tells me I love an illusion
Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 10:11 AM UTC
A boy I loved kept the truth from me
Just so I could keep on smiling
His laughter contagious
His hands on my shoulders
And in my hair
And on my lighter
To light my fire
I studied his face, while I inhaled
He studied mine as I exhaled
I, trying not to show too much of what I felt
He, trying to make me show what I felt for him
Any minute now, I might break
The cigarette in his mouth
Becomes an hourglass
Almost at an end
He smokes it slowly to prolong the time
We know once it’s done
The reason for our outside meeting
Will no longer be legitimate
What was it then that I felt, and why?
Was it the certain way he touched a cigarette to his lips
Or how he kept it there deciding his next move?
I wanted to be that cigarette
He puts it out
It’s no longer burning
But I am, as I walk inside
Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 10:09 AM UTC
"Good morning beautiful," is what he would say to me
At the beginning of every French class
And stand in the doorway waiting for my arrival
Every French class
We were fourteen back then
And like any fourteen-year-old girl
I'd roll my eyes at him to show him I didn't care
But I did
And I would smile as soon as he wasn't looking
Last year of high school came
And I sat in my Religion class listening to the morning announcements
There had been a terrible car accident on the road
Everyone in the vehicle died
I can't remember now if Matt was the passenger or driver
All I understood was that the popular and cute kid I had in my grade 9 French class had passed away
I felt sad. Sure.
But it would take years,
for the gravity of the situation to finally sink in
The boy who'd always stand at the front door, welcoming me to French class
and call me beautiful
was now dead
Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 10:06 AM UTC