Sometimes I think my lungs are shrinking,
And there's nothing I can do,
But claw at my chest,
Till I bleed between breaths,
And try to make it through,
But what used to last for minutes,
Is turning into days,
And the saying "Breathe deep"
Has turned so cheap,
And no one knows what else to say,
When my chest isn't tight it's hollow,
Expanding into space,
Darkness inside me,
Like the demons beside me,
Have clawed inside through my face,
The emptiness feels like reconing,
For all that I have done,
The tears I'm served
Are undeserved,
But that doesn't stop them from getting to run,
It's worse than it was before,
Because now I know I am now safe,
From who I am,
Or where I stand,
I am not a trusting place,
I'm hurting and I'm hurting
God please tell me when does it end?
Because if you're there,
And I'm not screaming to air,
I beg for you some sign to send,
I'm shaking, I can't stop shaking,
I'm hollow and I'm trapped,
I'm my own jail,
So cold so frail,
Emotionally tapped,
The wind is more my friend,
That the earth was ever home,
So blow through me,
And set me free,
Because this is hell, and I'm ready to go...
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 9:05 AM UTC
The words stay in your head,
Way after they're gone,
Finding yourself fighting,
Everytime you're on your own,
The bruises faded,
But did they ever really leave?
When even with clear arms,
You're pulling at your sleeves.
You chased down someone
More than twice your speed,
To get half of the love
You know you crave and need.
But what were you really chasing?
Slammed doors and broken windows,
Shaking even in their arms,
Like a dead tree when the wind blows,
Now they've left you broken,
Even after months of healing,
You're not really there,
Taking breaths but not breathing,
Not scared of the dark,
But rather what's inside,
Because even in an empty bed,
You turn away to hide,
Its still living inside you,
The phantom that they left behind,
Just because your body has healed,
Doesn't mean your head is fine,
So you'll scream from someone who's not there,
In the middle of the darkness,
But still try to be loving,
Being Heartbroken won't make me Heartless...
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 9:01 AM UTC
The thunder shouts,
As the lightening cries
When rain falls like tears,
Kept too long inside,
The winds will blow,
And twist your hair,
Wrap up your mind,
In feelings you wish weren't there,
You'll shut your windows,
Lock your doors,
You try to stay dry,
From your own storm,
You spin the clouds,
Each time you deny,
That the things you are hiding,
Makes you far from "fine"
Power cracks in your lungs,
You're starting to heave,
You've held back a dam,
Locked up each time you grieve,
But ignoring the cracks,
Won't make them disappear,
You think you've pushed off the floods,
But Honey they're here,
You're drowning in sorrows,
You've hidden from the world,
Tears fall from your eyes,
As your vision will swirl,
Bottle after bottle,
It's all fallen away,
You're afraid of who's running,
And who dares to stay,
Who will fight your storm,
When you cannot swim?
It's time to reach out,
This won't hide at your whim,
There's a hand if you see it,
A place on dry land,
Do not let your fight,
Lose what will still stand,
There's stars in your eyes,
Don't hide them with clouds,
And no matter how heavy the storm,
I will be just as loud,
I have fought many storms,
Many floods in my wake,
As smooth seas,
Does not a good sailor make,
The sun will rise soon,
Just know you're not alone,
Take steps at your own pace,
And I will help you home...
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 9:00 AM UTC
I've always been a lost boy,
Dreaming of some kind of Neverland,
But no Peter Pan in sight,
No Fairy dust for my plan,
To take me far away,
Find a home,
Somewhere far from this place,
Where I don't feel alone,
Never thought it would be a person,
Found in a place like this,
A simple feeling,
A simple phone call for a fix,
All it takes is a moment,
A bandage for a bruised hand,
I'll always be there,
To take you over broken land,
I've made myself Peter Pan,
I've found the second star to the right,
And I'll burn them in the darkest times,
I'll lead you to Neverland in your deepest night...
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 8:58 AM UTC
It's midnight and the rain is pouring,
It brings up something in my soul,
Of shakey waters,
Forgotten daughters,
And stories so untold,
It's midnight and I see lightening,
It blinds my careful eyes,
I see too much,
Yet not enough,
There's so much that people hide,
It's midnight and I hear thunder,
It rings out in my ears,
Like the crack of wood,
Burned as witches stood,
Facing their worstened fears,
It's midnight and it's storming,
I don't know where to go,
It's way too cold,
To let myself unfold,
With nothing left to show,
It's midnight, it's way too quiet,
So I tell myself again,
Even in this dark,
Shivers leave their mark,
Like bruises to my pain,
My thoughts are oh so scattered,
From anxiety in its plight,
So I'll wait for sleep,
Pray my heart will keep,
As afterall, it's only midnight.
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 8:58 AM UTC
I don't want to listen;
I'd rather not see;
As all of my thoughts;
Fall out as I bleed;
They flow and they break away;
Dormant my soul;
As with every breath;
My story gets retold;
In my mind as the images;
Reel though my head;
Constantly reminding me;
I'd rather be dead;
Standing on the outside;
Hanging in cold;
As my eyes hold a trauma;
Waiting to unfold;
Hoping they see me;
But hoping to hide;
I'm holding the mask;
As I'm dying inside;
With every heartbeat;
I still feel no life;
No pulse through my fingers;
To say I'm alive;
So I fight off the demons
That control my mind;
I don't want to hurt those
Who stand at my side;
But I can't keep fighting;
I can barely stand;
I'm not sure how to tell them;
Who I really am;
I'm cracking I'm fading
And none of its real;
No laughter no smiling
Cuz I hardly feel;
But I keep on moving;
Though I'm dead inside;
I take every moment
As I act in stride;
They can never notice;
They can never see;
That all of this joy;
Is a pretended me;
My seams still aren't holding;
I've cut them myself;
Cut all the ties
To my old mental health;
I think I'm too broken;
Not sure how I breathe;
Somehow I keep ticking;
Though I still want to leave;
The night times are nearing;
My demons play games;
And by next morning
I won't be the same;
Truth is I'm sick;
And I'm living on pills;
I'm empty inside;
The meds never will fill
The hole where my soul was;
The dark in my eyes;
That used to hold light
At least most of the time;
But now even smiling;
Won't reach past my lips;
As the mania rises;
My demons take hits;
Slowly ensuring
I will never stand;
I'm not even sure
Who exactly I am;
This side of me beckons
And holds on too tight;
It slows down my breathing;
And takes me at night;
To terrible places
And terrible thoughts;
Of bleeding and dying;
In my minds own court;
The verdict is waiting;
Why do I stay?
Cuz my friends truly need me;
Those are the words that they say;
And I'm trying to fight it;
Just to make them proud;
But I only hear their whispers;
My demons are loud;
I don't want to hurt them;
But something tells me;
This isn't a quick-fix;
As we all will see;
I'm drowning in darkness;
I'm gasping for air;
I'm falling apart;
Drifting into despair;
Rocking for safety;
I'm crying for peace;
I need to get out of this;
I need a release;
Because I am closing;
Soon all you'll see is doors
As I shut down my soul
As it spreads to the floors;
I'm trying I'm trying
I do want to leave
And yet I just lay here,
I continue to breathe;
I want it to be faster;
The rate that I heal;
But friends I am sorry
That's not what I feel;
Its too much to carry
Its too much to bare;
You cannot fix what is broken
Beyond all compare;
My thoughts are killing me;
As you're watching my eyes;
Hoping to fix
What is hurting inside;
But sadly I'm not there;
I'm not even "fine"
And this smile your seeing
Isn't even mine;
I stole it from all of you;
Each time you laugh;
I mimic you actions
And hope I am part
Of the reason you're smiling;
and the things that you say;
One day I'll meet you there;
Just not today,
As with every heartbeat
I beg and I plead;
Next time I'm here
Please just leave me to bleed;
I'm fighting my demons;
But this is a war;
I'm afraid that I'm losing;
Can't do this anymore;
The world is turning grey
And I'm closing my eyes;
I'm sorry I've hurt you;
I'll heal you in time...
Aug 25, 2014
Aug 25, 2014 at 3:05 PM UTC
Her heart no longer beats alone,
As she feels the phantom heart,
Of a arm that's wrapped around her,
Even though they're miles apart,
The winter cannot freeze her,
As his warmth will touch her soul,
With the gentlness of a feathers touch,
But still thawing out the cold,
That was her deepest fears,
The demons in the night,
As with every touch he fought them,
And with every touch brought light,
He traces every scar line,
That curves along her skin,
He still sees her as beautiful,
And he still makes her world spin,
She never sleeps alone at night,
As he watches over her dreams,
A guardian angel found on earth,
As he restitches her seams,
Such beauty is destruction,
The broken pieces find their fit,
And she can finally close her eyes,
Because the darkness is now lit...
Aug 25, 2014
Aug 25, 2014 at 3:03 PM UTC
*No Justice. No Peace.
We're killed for jaywalking,
But are expected to remain at ease.
We're seen as looters.
When terrorists are heroes.
And never unjust shooters.
They "protect and serve."
They protect each other.
Whether its inhumane doesn't matter.
Then they serve morgues...
with young black bodies on shiny silver platters.
They don't want to hear us.
So we're told to remain peaceful because it's easier to ignore a sound that isn't being made.
And if we remain quiet the passion for wrong doings will begin to fade.
Black people are ashamed of each other for rioting in their own community. But it doesn't belong to us. So feel free to burn down gas stations and break the windows out of a Toys"R"Us.
We'll be executed in suits. We'll be executed in sweats. We'll be executed when we're armed and We'll be executed when we pose no threat.
So scream if you have to.
Let it all out.
Fight fire with fire.
It will grow, and eventually someone will put it out.
Because remaining peaceful has gotten us nowhere.
When we're peaceful they don't care. They torment us. And we're mocked. And are attacked with tear gas while rubber and wooden bullets are being shot.
So don't shoot. But when you need to. Shoot back.
I want us to be able to raise children who won't be murdered for being big while black.
And it isn't in the U.S.A.
Where Unjust Shootings are Admissible.
And Uniformed Shooters are Admired.
So fight back. Even though we're already so tired.*
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 2:24 PM UTC
Keep close enough to them,
That they cannot throw their gas;
Always run against the wind,
The pain too shall pass;
Once you've come into contact,
Rinse with milk and never water.
Keep fighting for your basic rights,
Keep fighting for Micheals slaughter;
You've thrown open the police force,
Now the world has to inspect,
So to Ferguson with all my love,
To Ferguson with all my respect...
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 2:20 PM UTC
A forgotten scene,
So far in past,
That the strings are blues,
And a guitar his cast,
Behind the clouds,
We call his eyes,
Are stories we
Can't even find,
The demons leap,
And scrape on heels,
Beyond their reach,
And still he feels,
A strengthened face,
The calmest of stair,
You won't see the shadows,
But they are still there,
A hand that slides,
As the music blares,
To change the eyes,
Adapt the stare,
To find the tune,
And change the sound,
Yet to be lost,
Yet now is found,
A heart that beats,
With the speakers screams;
A secret angel,
With secret wings,
Watching over,
In a state of sane,
You won't see the age,
Of previous pain,
And so a smile,
Creeps onto the lips,
That have screamed and sworn,
And lashed like whips,
To recall the flowers,
Spoken by the same mind,
As the poetry flows,
You'll see more than you'll find,
A silent twist,
As the sounds will flow,
Past thoughts and memories,
No one will know...
Jun 4, 2014
Jun 4, 2014 at 4:01 PM UTC