I've lost you once,
It hurt so bad.
How cliche is it of me to say,
I love you.
I love you so ******* much it hurts me,
I get worried that maybe you are gonna get tired of me.
That you are gonna leave me again.
I cannot let that happen.
You just came back to me a few months ago.
I was and am so happy,
But maybe I was your second resort, maybe you loved someone else and they turned you down.
I don't mean to be rude,
But I want you to take a step in my shoes, I want you feel how I feel if I lost you again.
How my stomach clenches and makes me sick thinking about you with other chicks.
When I can't really cry but the shakes that rack my body, leave me trembling after a night of crying.
I cannot explain how hard it is on me if you left me again.
It's so cliche, you are so little feet away and I don't think you know how bad this feels .
You say you love me, you say it a lot, it comes from the heart , but when I say it..
When I say it, I mean it with every inch of my body,
I missed you so ******* much, over those couple months I hated myself,
I lost you, and the fault wasn't mine.
And the thought of going through that again..
Truly terrifys me.
Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 12:37 PM UTC
You left our world,
blessed with grace.
Your whispers may be heard throughout the night,
but it alright because that reassures you and I,
that I will never forget you.
Either way, I never would of never forgot you.
I hope you made it to heaven,
I hope you became a beautiful butterfly.
You loved them so much, and I asked you why.
You said it holds a deeper meaning of beauty than just on the outside.
And to this day, that is how I think of you.
I love you so much, I hope you grow gorgeous wings and come see me.
Love your granddaughter,
Courtney .
Jun 13, 2014
Jun 13, 2014 at 2:49 PM UTC
Veins running alcohol through my body,
My lungs full of smoke,
Giving me a high to last a lifetime,
Pills coursing down my throat,
Into my stomach they go,
It may sound gross but at least in that moment,
I felt some sort of happiness.
Apr 19, 2014
Apr 19, 2014 at 2:13 AM UTC
You kissed me so hard
It turned my lips to fire
But you were also there
To smolder them to a
Gentle white smoke
As pure as your
Beautiful soul.
Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 11:13 PM UTC
Laying in my bed,
Thoughts of us creeped into my head.
I think of how we first met,
A hot day in September ,
Our friend introduced us.
From then, I knew we would
Embark on an adventure
Truly greater than Lewis and Clark .
I wanted.. No I NEEDED.. Someone..
To show me how to love again.
Being broken that time
Really took a toll
On my once strong hearted soul.
As I'm laying here, I wonder about what you'd do if I was never to return again..
I wonder what I would do
If you left me or never entered my life..
I probably wouldn't be here..
But for the most part I'm happy I stayed.
I felt bad because
I once again..
****** things up
Because of a past mess up.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Please stay.
Well it's about time for me to go..
The sun arising tells me
I need to head to sleep.
Maybe you'll see me later.
Feb 12, 2014
Feb 12, 2014 at 11:40 PM UTC
I used to hate the cold,
What a strange thing.
But then I got use to this feeling,
The cold in my veins,
The air, and my heart.
I realized that the cold is
The only satisfactory
Feeling I could possible experience
At anytime.
A cold drink of water,
Trickling down my throat,
Finding its course through
My weary body.
A cold shower,
Finding its way down my spine,
To the drain that lays upon the
Shower I stand in.
A cold shoulder,
Being left behind
Has now become something
I am very used to.
A cold heart,
Something my body got use to
Years before,
My mind even knew what
The cold really felt like.
A satisfactory feeling coursing all
Throughout my body.
Never felt so good to feel
Absolutely nothing but what
I deserve,
The cold,
Feb 2, 2014
Feb 2, 2014 at 4:03 AM UTC
*I'm so sorry
I'm not as strong as I thought
I once was,
I'm so sorry
That my jealousy
Is out of control,
You liking their pictures and not mine.
What a silly thing to be upset about.
I'm so sorry
I cannot be as much help as you
Might need,
I'm waiting for you
To get tired of me
And for you to throw your hands up and say
It's over I'm done
I'm so sorry
I couldn't stay like I said
I could on that spring morning.
Now it's time for me to say goodbye ,
To our love, you
And life itself,
I'm so sorry
I just got to tired and
Honestly to stressed
To even take care of myself.
And with this
It's time for me to say goodbye cruel world*
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 8:40 PM UTC
When you are sleeping,
I hope you know that I never want
this feeling of completeness
to ever leave my grasp.
I'm afraid I'm holding on too much
and you might slip away.
What a clutz I am.
When you look in the mirror,
I hope you don't think of your life without
me by your side.
I crave you like a sons love
for his mother.
Before I was lost without
you.
Now,
I have found my
way home,
And home is honestly
where ever you
may be.
I hope it's with me.
Jan 15, 2014
Jan 15, 2014 at 1:17 PM UTC
Christmas
A time for family
Love
Sharing
And gathering
This year
It was an
Untraditional Christmas.
It was had to work around the one present under the tree for each of us
It was odd and completely opposite
Of a normal persons perspective
On this holiday.
But honestly to me
I knew the struggle my parents were facing
And it didn't bother me
Just the one gift under the tree
Was probably the best thing
I could have.
The thought put into that present
Set me to ease and not frett.
Dec 25, 2013
Dec 25, 2013 at 8:31 PM UTC
Music an escape from reality
A release from pain
A simple chorus
Brings the depression
To an ease
But instead of music doing
That to me
You do .
You make me hold on
Just a little bit
Longer
But it makes me wonder..
When you leave me
Broken and shattered like
A mirror
Will you to have bad luck
Because of me
Or do you believe in
Superstitions like the
Rest of the naive world?
Ever since you left
You gave me hope
Something to grasp on
Now I'm free falling from a
Man with god like hands
To the depressions down
In hell.
I'm left here guessing
How someone so strong
So loving and caring
Could drop someone
With a fragile heart
To fend on their own
Honestly you make me
Question my own existence
And you made
All that my trust was
And will ever be
Evaporate.
Now
I am
Nothing but a fool.
Dec 25, 2013
Dec 25, 2013 at 3:49 AM UTC