White.
All around me,
Everything I see--
White.
Blinded by lights,
Brighter than the sun,
Iridescent and reflected by
all of the
White.
A sickly woman in a nightgown.
A set of tubes.
"Breathe through your nose."
A series of small bites
in a location that I can't find.
And then the scream of some horrid machine,
Like the scream of an insolent child.
A large,
violent pain is radiated.
The smell of burning is the same as its taste.
Curled toes,
Tense muscles,
Wet eyes.
"Are you okay?"
More drugs.
Eyes closed,
everything moves at a slow pace,
as if I'm simply watching it happen
from a stool in the corner.
Writhing,
the sound of crunching bones
somewhere in my head.
"Just breathe through your nose."
Yeah.
Okay.
A hand pulls a string,
but I don't feel anything.
Like a puppet doing its master's bidding,
so I obey and succumb to this disembodied hand.
Slowly I am lifted
from the dream world I am in.
Bright lights fade,
I am reborn as a helpless child.
But I have legs just the same as you.
I can ******* walk,
so let me walk.
Don't you see?
Those drugs don't make me incapable of handling myself.
...Or do they?
"Don't stand up so fast."
Don't worry.
I know the limitations of this new person.
But the taste of blood reminds me of who I was.
And going back is equally as scary as going forward.
Mar 30, 2015
Mar 30, 2015 at 11:18 AM UTC
There's a voice I long to hear.
I want to be able
to soak up its words
like some photosynthetic freak of nature.
But I'm sitting at the back of this bus.
And all I can see is...
Awaken from a glimpse of something horrific.
Something that I can't yet understand.
Perhaps too soon.
Perhaps too late...
For now, I try to make sense
of the tangled mess of highway
perpetually stuck in rush hour
inside my head.
So I speed on
towards the intersection
still terrified
still helpless
still towards you
Mar 23, 2015
Mar 23, 2015 at 4:37 PM UTC
"You're just doing a favor for a friend.
So don't worry if it's not your best.
Just get out there and do it."
But when do the favors stop being favors?
Pedal
weighed down with worries-
Wheel
locked in place by fear
I speed into a busy intersection,
both armless
and legless.
Motion
a change in position or time...
...But I'm not going anywhere...
Everything is coming to me.
And it's coming slowly.
It's dark now.
I can't see you--
standing in that intersection,
but I know you're there.
And I will hit you.
Eventually.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 5:48 PM UTC
Numbers tick down.
An idle buzzing.
A man speaking
but
no
words
come
out.
Muffled sounds from the other side of the room.
Running in circles
around what we really mean.
Perhaps if the buzzing would just...
STOP...
Outside people shuffle about like ants.
Preoccupied with the task at hand,
the ants carry an enormous weight
blindly
back to their queen.
"I'd like to-"
buzzzzzzzzzz
"Start with-"
buzzzzzzzzzz
ENOUGH.
Silence
Everything feels different in the silence;
numbers move more slowly;
circles become lines;
Everything changes.
Jan 21, 2015
Jan 21, 2015 at 11:23 PM UTC
Floating in suspension
above a tile matrix.
Somewhere in that matrix
there is a consistency--
a ratio of blue tiles
to white tiles.
Blue,
blue,
blue,
blue,
WHITE.
...white?
Was it white?
Startled by a barrier
the ratio has been
blurred.
Somehow losing track of
the one thing that matters,
brings back the
real
goal.
Caught up in minutiae,
trapped in a cerulean mass...
no time has elapsed,
but time has passed.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 5:00 PM UTC
I don't want to be the one to make that decision
again.
I'm sick and tired of being in this state;
the limbo where I
bend over backwards
trying to safely get under that bar--
just to get back in line and do it again.
All over again.
You see, the worst thing about this sick game
is that it gets harder the longer it goes.
Some ******* is holding a beam
a foot above the ground and
I
have to slither under it.
I suppose I could quit now...
Forfeit before it gets too hard
and I break my back.
But then again, I could still win.
And somebody is singing a song
in the background
"Every limbo boy and girl..."
And it's stuck on loop and there's no escape.
Until one time I break my back
trying to get under a bar that is too low.
"All around the limbo world..."
Though the pain is unbearable,
it's better than being part of that game.
"Gonna do the limbo rock..."
And just like that the game starts over.
But this time I have to start from where I left off:
broken and tired.
And one foot off the ground.
"All around the limbo clock"
Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 10:48 PM UTC
A small black box
in a small black room
in a small black building
in a big black world.
Oct 23, 2014
Oct 23, 2014 at 7:55 PM UTC
true loneliness
is not the result of an empty body
no
true loneliness
is the result of a full body;
a body that's about to explode
and when it does,
true loneliness
is what's felt when you realize you have
no one to pick up the pieces.
Oct 3, 2014
Oct 3, 2014 at 8:05 PM UTC
Crumbling cities.
Beauty in decay has always reminded me
of you.
When we were little and climbing trees
you told me of ow you would be great
one day,
like Athens and Rome.
I had laughed and called you silly.
Those were places and not people, I had said.
You shoved your tongue out and clamored:
"Watch me do it!"
I think I finally understand what you meant.
Singing songs to me in my backyard you
were amazing, thriving like you had sworn
to me
those many years before.
We danced and screamed from hilltops
with cities unfolding beneath
our mere human feet.
You weren't kind of the world, but you were
king of mine.
Later that night you dropped me off
at my front door.
Kissed my forehead and murmured
"Goodbye, I love you"
instead of wishing me goodnight.
You fell in the time between night and dawn
and when I woke up the next morning
our empire was gone.
Oct 3, 2014
Oct 3, 2014 at 7:57 PM UTC