cloubay - Hello Poetry

Inner most feelings leave me in an unbalanced state complex schizophrenia causes emotional self hate innate past delusions not learned from harsh reality i sustain emotional hell i endure of psychosis and paranoia to remain negative unjust doldrums with no way out to possibly escape mental anguish causing sleep deprivation in really bad shape to rise from this psychotic fall takes every ounce of strength i have i find a way to adapt a positive attitude and tend to my mind with salve when the worst of the worst is over a need to survive takes its hold an ability to live life again free from hurt and thoughts controlled i seek necessary help to continue my path to process how to heal inability to comprehend the harsh outlook that felt so real strength is derived as positiveness that does prevail again only fear i have is repeating my suffering its just a case of when?

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:24 AM UTC

cloubay

Paranoid schizophrenia psychosis bout again.

Inner most feelings leave me in an unbalanced state complex schizophrenia causes emotional self hate innate past delusions not learned from harsh reality i sustain emotional hell i endure of psychosis and paranoia to remain negative unjust doldrums with no way out to possibly escape mental anguish causing sleep deprivation in really bad shape to rise from this psychotic fall takes every ounce of strength i have i find a way to adapt a positive attitude and tend to my mind with salve when the worst of the worst is over a need to survive takes its hold an ability to live life again free from hurt and thoughts controlled i seek necessary help to continue my path to process how to heal inability to comprehend the harsh outlook that felt so real strength is derived as positiveness that does prevail again only fear i have is repeating my suffering its just a case of when?

14

At the beginning when god created *** He didn't create a stud and a temptress He didn't intend *** to be sordid Sins of the flesh wont be rewarded One who has lustful intent has committed adultery, ****** immorality is passion, evil desire is idolatry, To be married is what the bible does envisage, So God created man in his own image, To abstain from the passions of the flesh Adulterers are bound to hell their souls to enmesh Sins of *** wage war against your soul Husband and wife should honor each role The act was intended for procreation Not the result of heated flirtation We now live in a world that is depraved How many of us will see their soul saved?

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:23 AM UTC

cloubay

At the beginning when god created ***

At the beginning when god created *** He didn't create a stud and a temptress He didn't intend *** to be sordid Sins of the flesh wont be rewarded One who has lustful intent has committed adultery, ****** immorality is passion, evil desire is idolatry, To be married is what the bible does envisage, So God created man in his own image, To abstain from the passions of the flesh Adulterers are bound to hell their souls to enmesh Sins of *** wage war against your soul Husband and wife should honor each role The act was intended for procreation Not the result of heated flirtation We now live in a world that is depraved How many of us will see their soul saved?

16

A life uninhabited by the suicide soul life ground him down and took its toll once a fruitful hardworking life endured grandeur created from dreams obscured Being an Entrepreneur creating millionaire lifestyle every year that past money making was futile The fairground life was all that he had known a place for amusement a place where he'd grown betrayed by his peers sold out now insubstantial business driven only means to survive were financial life meaningless with all accomplishment now worthless a requirement to living had now become surplused esculating worry of money, health decreasing only one outcome, a need to end it increasing showing a deceptive facade to all he was fine April 5th was the date to end a 50 year lifetime accompanied by whiskey, gun and a Dictaphone he recorded drunken passages of time all alone He had drove and drove to his final destination a desolate place for the act and no hesitation pulled out a double barreled shot gun, lay on the bank with a one shot to the head where the bullet sank.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:22 AM UTC

cloubay

The suicide soul

A life uninhabited by the suicide soul life ground him down and took its toll once a fruitful hardworking life endured grandeur created from dreams obscured Being an Entrepreneur creating millionaire lifestyle every year that past money making was futile The fairground life was all that he had known a place for amusement a place where he'd grown betrayed by his peers sold out now insubstantial business driven only means to survive were financial life meaningless with all accomplishment now worthless a requirement to living had now become surplused esculating worry of money, health decreasing only one outcome, a need to end it increasing showing a deceptive facade to all he was fine April 5th was the date to end a 50 year lifetime accompanied by whiskey, gun and a Dictaphone he recorded drunken passages of time all alone He had drove and drove to his final destination a desolate place for the act and no hesitation pulled out a double barreled shot gun, lay on the bank with a one shot to the head where the bullet sank.

22

I pray to the angels and celestial powers above, to look after those we miss and we love, I pray for my mother and father's souls to be free, I hope they are able to watch over me, I pray for their guidance in everything I do, and for their understanding and forgiveness too, forgiveness and chance to write any wrong, A chance to be with them once more I do long, I do not feel the need to lay flowers to signify loss, Everyday your in my thoughts and never forgot, You both passed suddenly and was taken away, Eternal peace for your souls I do pray, I hope you know how much I loved you, You are both missed so much that much is true.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:16 AM UTC

cloubay

For the lost ones we miss.

I pray to the angels and celestial powers above, to look after those we miss and we love, I pray for my mother and father's souls to be free, I hope they are able to watch over me, I pray for their guidance in everything I do, and for their understanding and forgiveness too, forgiveness and chance to write any wrong, A chance to be with them once more I do long, I do not feel the need to lay flowers to signify loss, Everyday your in my thoughts and never forgot, You both passed suddenly and was taken away, Eternal peace for your souls I do pray, I hope you know how much I loved you, You are both missed so much that much is true.

14

I cant live with my profound instability I cant be the poison and the remedy I can inform, enlighten, give an idea; cant explain how my reality's so severe Not willing to accept that I am actually an addict That my day to day life is controlled by a habit Over indulgence in substance abuse Determined by no reasonable excuse Taunted by inner demons I have created Suffer of Psychotic schizophrenia; drug related Will power ceases to exist never to reappear Self control lost with the inability to commandeer Sobriety brings lack of interest, days mundane From the daily use of speed i must refrain The need for a high overcomes any felt lows No lesson learnt from how bad my mind goes My own worst enemy from drug dependency No one else to blame because of ascendancy ever seeking that intoxicating rush and feeling until i realise that its from addiction i need freeing.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:15 AM UTC

cloubay

Addiction of the soul

I cant live with my profound instability I cant be the poison and the remedy I can inform, enlighten, give an idea; cant explain how my reality's so severe Not willing to accept that I am actually an addict That my day to day life is controlled by a habit Over indulgence in substance abuse Determined by no reasonable excuse Taunted by inner demons I have created Suffer of Psychotic schizophrenia; drug related Will power ceases to exist never to reappear Self control lost with the inability to commandeer Sobriety brings lack of interest, days mundane From the daily use of speed i must refrain The need for a high overcomes any felt lows No lesson learnt from how bad my mind goes My own worst enemy from drug dependency No one else to blame because of ascendancy ever seeking that intoxicating rush and feeling until i realise that its from addiction i need freeing.

20

This life can throw me off course Break me down with remorse Spend time wishing for a more desirable reality Or face life's harsh moments and brutality No matter what this life throws at me I'm blessed with a peaceful way to see I am a deep believer in the afterlife Which relives me from any such strife The belief that there's a world beyond this; Evokes peace to any troubles simply made painless Loss is replaced with hope, a brighter outlook to sustain Eternal peace for our souls to live on and remain Safe in the knowing I’ll see loved ones again Peacefulness fills my mind no more sorrow and pain Strength gained from life's hurt and despair Lessons teaching us from past mistakes we do bear So even at the darkest of times endured; Peace shall prevail from my beliefs I’m assured.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:13 AM UTC

cloubay

My belief

This life can throw me off course Break me down with remorse Spend time wishing for a more desirable reality Or face life's harsh moments and brutality No matter what this life throws at me I'm blessed with a peaceful way to see I am a deep believer in the afterlife Which relives me from any such strife The belief that there's a world beyond this; Evokes peace to any troubles simply made painless Loss is replaced with hope, a brighter outlook to sustain Eternal peace for our souls to live on and remain Safe in the knowing I’ll see loved ones again Peacefulness fills my mind no more sorrow and pain Strength gained from life's hurt and despair Lessons teaching us from past mistakes we do bear So even at the darkest of times endured; Peace shall prevail from my beliefs I’m assured.

18

I wish I had gotten to say goodbye You are missed so much its for you I cry Your passing was too sudden to quick to understand Never again to proceed with future I had planned Losing you was the worst hurt I have ever had to endure I know we will be reunited when its my time I’m sure I long to see you again to be with you once more A piece of my soul will be missing forever more Grief has consumed me making my outlook bleak Taken every ounce of strength to stop me being weak I never got to tell you how much I really loved you Never got to evaluate all that we've been through Nor did I get to savour precious last moments If only I had someone who could act as a proponent; To show me how to voice my feelings of hurt and loss To fill the emptiness my soul now has at any cost I not only lost a mother I lost a friend as well I’m barely surviving this distraught emotional hell If only I could see you one more time I’d say how much it hurts Instead of keeping the feelings inside and hidden from the world.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:09 AM UTC

cloubay

Wishes to mother.

I wish I had gotten to say goodbye You are missed so much its for you I cry Your passing was too sudden to quick to understand Never again to proceed with future I had planned Losing you was the worst hurt I have ever had to endure I know we will be reunited when its my time I’m sure I long to see you again to be with you once more A piece of my soul will be missing forever more Grief has consumed me making my outlook bleak Taken every ounce of strength to stop me being weak I never got to tell you how much I really loved you Never got to evaluate all that we've been through Nor did I get to savour precious last moments If only I had someone who could act as a proponent; To show me how to voice my feelings of hurt and loss To fill the emptiness my soul now has at any cost I not only lost a mother I lost a friend as well I’m barely surviving this distraught emotional hell If only I could see you one more time I’d say how much it hurts Instead of keeping the feelings inside and hidden from the world.

20

How can you live with such a negative mind Only thriving on misery and tales unkind You wonder why you have such bad luck When its all Happiness you drain and **** Your outlook is dark and bleak No positivity do you seek Inflicting your woe on all that will listen Like a plague, sorrow you do christen Your outlook physically drains me I have one and only single plea Is that you seek some positivity What will it take for you to see That from the bad comes negativity No good can come from misery This is the truth you fail to see.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:08 AM UTC

cloubay

Negativity breeds Negativity

How can you live with such a negative mind Only thriving on misery and tales unkind You wonder why you have such bad luck When its all Happiness you drain and **** Your outlook is dark and bleak No positivity do you seek Inflicting your woe on all that will listen Like a plague, sorrow you do christen Your outlook physically drains me I have one and only single plea Is that you seek some positivity What will it take for you to see That from the bad comes negativity No good can come from misery This is the truth you fail to see.

15

sssshhhhhh hear that? Iam your inner voice calling Iam what you confide in when you are falling so near so close never far away always listening to what you say Iam the reason for restless sleep quietly nagging away; buired deep Iam that gut instinct that avoids danger Iam the thought process thats a bit stranger I will call out "I wouldnt do that if I were you" i'll be there for everything you go through Iam the result of pain that produces strength Iam what you are sure of and what you ment unheard unseen by others the inability to speak out only voiced when supported by a confidence bout Iam carefully masked behind politeness The part of ones being so contrite and righteous A whisper from your inner voice can change ones views I can spread doubt fright fear and leave one quite confused Your inner voice is something we all have in common Wether you choose to listen to it is a positive type of phenomenon.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 4:07 AM UTC

cloubay

Hear that?

sssshhhhhh hear that? Iam your inner voice calling Iam what you confide in when you are falling so near so close never far away always listening to what you say Iam the reason for restless sleep quietly nagging away; buired deep Iam that gut instinct that avoids danger Iam the thought process thats a bit stranger I will call out "I wouldnt do that if I were you" i'll be there for everything you go through Iam the result of pain that produces strength Iam what you are sure of and what you ment unheard unseen by others the inability to speak out only voiced when supported by a confidence bout Iam carefully masked behind politeness The part of ones being so contrite and righteous A whisper from your inner voice can change ones views I can spread doubt fright fear and leave one quite confused Your inner voice is something we all have in common Wether you choose to listen to it is a positive type of phenomenon.

20

Dear Me iam speaking to you from the future i want you to heed what i say as iam your tutor you will meet a man who seems different to all the rest with his unusual manner he will put you to the test he will draw you in portraying an easy going personality dont be fooled by this false pretence and give in easily you will find given time hes controlling you and subtly disapproving everything you do if there was a warning of what's to come these following words fit his ways if you should succumb Your life is not your own no more you should put my feelings first Ill take away your confidence Self worth will day each day Acknowledgment will be received its done my way Your tastes will change to fit my likes and when your spirits gone.. I will continuously put you down and convince you that your wrong Cut you oﬀ from your friends Socially confined Overtime il take it all, but never be satisfied. he is the wolf in sheeps clothing a person you will end up loathing three long years you will devote to the cause doomed to fail a spirit smashing Sanctimonious selfish dictating male so i warn you to watch out for him entering your life and making you miserable with endless amounts of strife i can guarantee you will succeed in all of your endeavours but don't be one of life's failures being one of the regret'ters.

0

Mar 20, 2016

Mar 20, 2016 at 3:50 AM UTC

cloubay

From the future I was told

Dear Me iam speaking to you from the future i want you to heed what i say as iam your tutor you will meet a man who seems different to all the rest with his unusual manner he will put you to the test he will draw you in portraying an easy going personality dont be fooled by this false pretence and give in easily you will find given time hes controlling you and subtly disapproving everything you do if there was a warning of what's to come these following words fit his ways if you should succumb Your life is not your own no more you should put my feelings first Ill take away your confidence Self worth will day each day Acknowledgment will be received its done my way Your tastes will change to fit my likes and when your spirits gone.. I will continuously put you down and convince you that your wrong Cut you oﬀ from your friends Socially confined Overtime il take it all, but never be satisfied. he is the wolf in sheeps clothing a person you will end up loathing three long years you will devote to the cause doomed to fail a spirit smashing Sanctimonious selfish dictating male so i warn you to watch out for him entering your life and making you miserable with endless amounts of strife i can guarantee you will succeed in all of your endeavours but don't be one of life's failures being one of the regret'ters.

27