Beyond the pillars of my once shining life
Stand the giants who hold it all together
Tears stream down their faces
As they claw at the earth beneath my feet
Holding up whatever it is they think is left to hold
My life, now ruined
Was once looked upon with gloried gazes.
As pure and white as sculptors marble
My life burned with the promise of more
Yet more became less
And less became nothing
Gone are the days when men would marvel at my flowing hair,
My bright brown eyes.
All that's left is dull and dead
Like a fish barely breathing on the hook,
My flesh is torn with ever **** and twitch
And my screams echo
Like crystal chimes in an empty room
I stand alone atop my broken throne
And gaze upon my kingdom.
I watch the giants tears drown the memories I once loved
And I watch the ground beneath their feet crumble and break away
Yet I don't run
I saw this in hindsight, I knew I would break
But I always thought I'd destroy myself on my own terms.
I never thought you'd be the one
To smash my kingdom to tiny bits
But I should have known.
I should have known.
May 1, 2015
May 1, 2015 at 4:54 AM UTC
The hardest part is realising
That I will always love you
And you'll always love someone else
It's the curse I've been burdened with
To watch the ones I fall in love with
Fall in love with other boys
Like a flower that's shriveled and died
I watch you pick a new bouquet
Of pretty faces and enchanting eyes
But just as always
I'm stuck on the floor
Every dried petal trampled to oblivion
I relive it everyday
Like a hex that forces me to die
At the strike of twelve
And when that clock strikes midnight
I'm reborn
I'm cursed
With a reoccurring nightmare
Where my heart is put out on display
For all to poke and pick up
Only to watch them throw it down and Step on it without remorse
And years ago
I used to sit and wonder
Why I'd always been left behind
Alone and naked
Begging for you to pick me up
And hold me like you used to
When we first fell in love
But I came to realise
That I'd ended up alone for a reason
It wasn't love you were seeking
It wasn't love any of you were seeking
It was entertainment
And I was the naive little clown
All of you crushed me
And I stood silent
I couldn't move
How could I have?
Apr 15, 2015
Apr 15, 2015 at 12:27 AM UTC
Lying in bed is the single loneliest thing
A person can do
You watch the night sky
through your bedroom window
And count each star behind the clouds
You count them, over and over
You lie to yourself
As every cloud passes
You can taste the deceit
Your brain always lies,
You've heard it all before
"You'll meet someone new"
"You'll find the right one"
Your mind plays its tricks
Time and time again
But you no longer listen
Because there's nothing to hear,
Those stars died long ago
And those clouds are barely there
So you shut your eyes
And you forget everything
The lonely bed, the empty room
I'm no longer listening
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 9:03 PM UTC
I stared at the ceiling
With the blankets expression on my face
I thought of my future
Along with all my past failures
My life seemed to mimic
A locomotive that had lost its breaks
I was moving in a singular direction
With nothing to stop me
I thought of all the people I've hurt
And those I've yet to betray
I peeked at the corners of my room
They grew darker with every blink
They bore a striking similarity to my life
It all seemed to grow dark
From the outer corners in
And I was the middle
I'm always the middle
Dec 17, 2014
Dec 17, 2014 at 11:58 PM UTC
You could say
That falling in love
Is an easy thing for me
Heart open
Arms outstretched
Stars in my eyes
My feeble heart
Was built
Around the hope
That one day
I'd find my one true love
And live a fairytale
Sweet and soft
But the plan was drawn
By a darker force
My love never comes
Like an unwatered flower
My heart whithers
It turns to dust
It's swept away
But still I'll lay her
In my bed
Waiting
For a candied letter
A sweet kiss
A gentle touch
A reason to live
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 10:18 PM UTC
God masterful and silent
Hovers over me
Like bees in the summer
There buzz loud and obscene
I'm reminded of sins
Once long forgotten
I'm reminded of you
And how you managed
To burn every rose petal you saw
Its a wicked game we play
Tooth and tooth
Molars exracted, canines chipped and worn
The viens in my body run like roots
From toe to head
They pulse and wait
They wait for God to answer
They wait for the buzz of the bees
They wait for a reason to bleed
So I step foot on the front doorstep
And scream his name
And that wretched buzz answers back
I've lost this war haven't I?
I've lost you and gained nothing else
But silence
So I'll walk back inside
And l'll lie back in bed
I'll shut my eyes and forget the world
I'll forget the buzz.
And I'll forget
Ever meeting you
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 4:21 AM UTC
I sew my wounds shut myself
And every time the neddles passes through
I curse your name
I know I shouldn't blame you
But I haven't the courage to blame myself
And I know it's not your fault
But it's so much easier to say it's yours
So I'll keep on screaming your name
Every time my body hurts
And I'll think of you when
My bones break and my skin bursts open
I'll see you in every shadow
And I'll lace every cigarette
With the image of your face
And I'll keep blaming you
Untill I can finally blame myself
But for now
Here's to you
You've turned my heart cold again
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 4:02 AM UTC
As a child I told myself
I'd never hurt again
Be here I am
At 3 am
Stone cold in my bed
Waiting for the sun to rise
Waiting for some hint
That a new day has started
And I'll be reborn again
Until then I have the night with me
It's velvet dark engulfs me in waves of sadness
I don't think I've ever felt this way before
I must have never
Seen someone like you
Because at 3 am
You're all I think about
And it burns me with a bitter rage
A rage that screams "I've lost you"
And the hardest part
Is trying to figure out
If I want you back
Or if I should let you fade away
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 3:43 AM UTC
My stem has grown bent and ugly
And my petals have holes
From diseased bugs that have nibbled on my precious silk
My leaves are dry and tinted yellow
And my pollen is putrid and stale
---
I watch the other flowers grow green and tall around me
Their blooms burst and **** the eye with colour
Passersby stand still
Mesmorized by the utter beauty of my poison friends
They pick and pick and pick at them
Their petals full
Their pollen intoxicating every hand that touched them
Yet I stood bent
Still rooted and hoping to be plucked
But they spit on me
And the other flowers laughed
I was useless in their world
---
So I wilted faster and knelt closer to the ground
I slowly fell
Each piece of my body decayed and went back to the ground
And I sprung up weeks later
Among all the perfect blooms
---
I was reborn a ****
Much bigger than the pretties beside me
Yet they still laughed
So I grew
And I ate their sun
And I breathed in all their air
Now they're wilting faster than I ever did
They'll soon be gone
And i'll be the only one left
But I guess it doesn't matter anyway
They still pass by without even a glance
It seems it was all in vain
Because I'm wilting
again
Jul 29, 2014
Jul 29, 2014 at 12:24 AM UTC
It's that burning sensation in my chest
That let's me know
That you were never there
And you never will be
And every spark we made
Would lead to embers
And all those embers
Caused a blaze
We burnt this ******* house down
And every memory went with it
Nothing was left
Absolutely
Nothing
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 11:36 PM UTC