Beyond the pillars of my once shining life
Stand the giants who hold it all together
Tears stream down their faces
As they claw at the earth beneath my feet
Holding up whatever it is they think is left to hold
My life, now ruined
Was once looked upon with gloried gazes.
As pure and white as sculptors marble
My life burned with the promise of more
Yet more became less
And less became nothing
Gone are the days when men would marvel at my flowing hair,
My bright brown eyes.
All that's left is dull and dead
Like a fish barely breathing on the hook,
My flesh is torn with ever **** and twitch
And my screams echo
Like crystal chimes in an empty room
I stand alone atop my broken throne
And gaze upon my kingdom.
I watch the giants tears drown the memories I once loved
And I watch the ground beneath their feet crumble and break away
Yet I don't run
I saw this in hindsight, I knew I would break
But I always thought I'd destroy myself on my own terms.
I never thought you'd be the one
To smash my kingdom to tiny bits
But I should have known.
I should have known.
May 1, 2015
May 1, 2015 at 4:54 AM UTC
The hardest part is realising
That I will always love you
And you'll always love someone else
It's the curse I've been burdened with
To watch the ones I fall in love with
Fall in love with other boys
Like a flower that's shriveled and died
I watch you pick a new bouquet
Of pretty faces and enchanting eyes
But just as always
I'm stuck on the floor
Every dried petal trampled to oblivion
I relive it everyday
Like a hex that forces me to die
At the strike of twelve
And when that clock strikes midnight
I'm reborn
I'm cursed
With a reoccurring nightmare
Where my heart is put out on display
For all to poke and pick up
Only to watch them throw it down and Step on it without remorse
And years ago
I used to sit and wonder
Why I'd always been left behind
Alone and naked
Begging for you to pick me up
And hold me like you used to
When we first fell in love
But I came to realise
That I'd ended up alone for a reason
It wasn't love you were seeking
It wasn't love any of you were seeking
It was entertainment
And I was the naive little clown
All of you crushed me
And I stood silent
I couldn't move
How could I have?
Apr 15, 2015
Apr 15, 2015 at 12:27 AM UTC
the sea was never so still
as the night i spilled my guts
in the sink from vanilla pills
and laughed at my immortality
when i scream underwater
the blue screams back to me
in my maraschino heart
i know one thing to be true:
that the cooing and the howling
will never leave the ocean floor
and fall upon the waiting ears
of those who i meant it for
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 9:04 PM UTC
Lying in bed is the single loneliest thing
A person can do
You watch the night sky
through your bedroom window
And count each star behind the clouds
You count them, over and over
You lie to yourself
As every cloud passes
You can taste the deceit
Your brain always lies,
You've heard it all before
"You'll meet someone new"
"You'll find the right one"
Your mind plays its tricks
Time and time again
But you no longer listen
Because there's nothing to hear,
Those stars died long ago
And those clouds are barely there
So you shut your eyes
And you forget everything
The lonely bed, the empty room
I'm no longer listening
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 9:03 PM UTC
I stared at the ceiling
With the blankets expression on my face
I thought of my future
Along with all my past failures
My life seemed to mimic
A locomotive that had lost its breaks
I was moving in a singular direction
With nothing to stop me
I thought of all the people I've hurt
And those I've yet to betray
I peeked at the corners of my room
They grew darker with every blink
They bore a striking similarity to my life
It all seemed to grow dark
From the outer corners in
And I was the middle
I'm always the middle
Dec 17, 2014
Dec 17, 2014 at 11:58 PM UTC
I put on my dads coat
every time I leave to smoke
because between a long exhale
and his cologne
I remember in lucidity
one of the last times I saw him.
It was four in the morning
I was drunk on whiskey and alone
yet again,
not that he was surprised
or angered
by my antics.
As always
he was halfway
down the driveway
by the time
my phone rang.
"Do you have a cigarette on you?"
I was silent awhile
until I nodded,
shyly obliged,
and removed the last one from my pocket
which I gladly sacrificed.
He laughed and shook his head
his small fire illuminating the thick fog
around us
and his sunken eyes
exhausted from a day of work
that had drained us both.
My vision blurring
in and out of focus
fleeting street lights displayed
an abundance of nose marks
his favorite dog
left on the window.
I saw my fathers familiar hand
reach out
offering me a drag
which I silently accepted,
and I'm glad I did.
As the smoke cleared
I half-smiled to myself,
because if I could see us now
things would be different.
I unknowingly accepted
a share of the last gift
I would give.
I'm glad
I killed a piece of me
with him.
I'm glad
he still has it
wherever he is.
Dec 17, 2014
Dec 17, 2014 at 11:46 PM UTC
A pile of leaves
And the northern sky,
warn us
it's only a matter of time.
Diane,
out of control,
laughed and danced
on a hill.
prayers
paint the sky gray
change your mind,
on their lips
Baby, right on time,
the ocean air fanned
into that good night.
And we watched.
Nobody knows what the future holds:
keep on holding Diane
young,
or flip-flop,
try to go it alone?
Do you think you can go,
watch it all burn away?
It was only a matter of time:
Tottering off into that good night
on your own,
Baby it's a lifetime
like the end of day,
the wind picked up,
a wakeup call:
the end of days
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 10:25 PM UTC
You could say
That falling in love
Is an easy thing for me
Heart open
Arms outstretched
Stars in my eyes
My feeble heart
Was built
Around the hope
That one day
I'd find my one true love
And live a fairytale
Sweet and soft
But the plan was drawn
By a darker force
My love never comes
Like an unwatered flower
My heart whithers
It turns to dust
It's swept away
But still I'll lay her
In my bed
Waiting
For a candied letter
A sweet kiss
A gentle touch
A reason to live
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 10:18 PM UTC
The bath water
is the colour of my eyes;
yet, I don't know
which is wetter.
Oct 30, 2014
Oct 30, 2014 at 4:13 PM UTC