I feel calmest kissing strangers,
gently edging their head closer to mine,
tongue crashing against their lips
like full tides against a shore
and hand on their thigh.
I feel safest popping pills,
knowing the way my head will feel like
a balloon that has been let go.
I feel free when the silly boys
pull a ****** on and look at me like I am holy
while they *** inside of the cosmos between my legs.
I'd rather be reckless than restless,
I'd rather be full of the wrong things than empty.
Nov 12, 2014
Nov 12, 2014 at 12:20 AM UTC
They say nothing last forever
Moments scattered between
Tired hellos and haunting goodbyes
Love runs deep till a fatal surrender
Lust runs wild in a sinners heart
But in this moment
So infinite
I clasped to it with a yearn
Heavier then the loneliness
That weighs my rib cage
The core of it beneath it lays
burns through my veins
So familiar I saw it in your eyes
As you watched the sway of my hips
Dark and clandestine eyes
Like flames seducing my inner *****
You craved a sensation
A night of relentless blues
A gaze so ravished
Daunting souls
Resenting love, longing for redemption
But will you feel the same
When dawn breaks
My body kissed by the morning light
Will you chase the high with me into another sunrise
Our world's spiraling
Into each others arms
Love is our truest desire
Lust in our defective nature
So human in its existence
Falling in love with impeccable fantasies
Blemishes scar you corrupt heart
Nov 11, 2014
Nov 11, 2014 at 11:33 PM UTC
It's the first kiss I've been waiting for
The slight curve of your bottom lip
Intense brown eyes penetrating deeper then last night's..
Knees weak with such a beautiful smile
And yes it's been awhile
Since I last saw you
But time and distance
Mean nothing in the eyes of a regretful lover
We were just messy sheets
Drawn shades
relying on hips that sway
With every moan that escapes
Riding a breeze
Vibrating through the walls
Through the springs of your mattress
the rickety window of your downstairs neighbors apartment
High off lust
Our canvas exploding with damaged love
Reds, blues
Dripping down the shower walls
As we fog up the mirrors
Reflecting just who we are
Savages to instinct
Bleeding through our relentless attraction
Absolute in its purest form
Craving an inanimate touch
Ravish me baby
Cause it's you
Its only ever been you
Make me a promise
And seal it with a kiss
Never a farewell but always a risk
Leaving my heart here.
I was your perfect distraction
You my downfall
Lonely handsome men are my weakness
But broken men, my destruction
And you are as defeated as they come
Nov 11, 2014
Nov 11, 2014 at 11:30 PM UTC
Who knew a man could wear the years so well
Still devilishly handsome
I'll never mutter a farewell
I’ll never say I want you
But ill lean in to every scorching touch
I’ll never deny you, but I’ll never accept you
An illusion
You wrap yourself around me
Tonight I’m preoccupied
those thoughts won't leave my mind
Tonight I’ll use you
For a handful of regretful moments
I’ll whisper the words that have danced on my tongue
And you’ll say them back
Enthusiastic hands, you’re the first to touch
I don’t want feather touches
I need raging red marks
I need to be reminded that you need me
that you want me
Mar 25, 2014
Mar 25, 2014 at 4:27 PM UTC
Vulnerable, my heart bled out on the table between us
Pulsing out the only life I had left
(Or so I thought)
I told you everything
Every feeling and regret
Your arms barricaded around me
Safety and reassurance
Warmed my soul
You weren’t laughing or discarding my emotions
You listened
And that’s all I could have asked for
I told you
How I believed in you
How I loved how much you cared for your family
How I knew you’d make it far
A boy turning into a man with a good head on his shoulders
But as I looked at you I only saw regret
Not for not being able to call you mine
But for not believing in myself enough to take a chance
A chance on something that could have been everything I thought it would be
I saw a boy I cared for
A boy I will never stand beside but at an arms distance of friendship
And I realized
I’m okay with that
And that I have so much to give
So much and I just can’t hold it in, but
All this love and passion I held for you wasn’t…
For you
It was meant for someone else
Someone I haven’t met yet
Someone who’s just as good of a listener as you are
But will give everything I give back and so much more
A boy who will shower me in
Affection and appreciation
I will always care for you
And I will always be here for you
Never doubt that
But I need to start being there for me
Loving myself and feeling worthy
Because I’ve come to realize my best friends boyfriends
Arms are not where I belong
Nov 22, 2013
Nov 22, 2013 at 2:19 AM UTC
He’s beautiful
Don’t stare to long
He’s charming
He’ll make you fall in love
He dangerous
The kind they say to run from
Cause I fall
Again and
Again
Each time
Deeper
More obsessed
With wanting to be wanted
It’s not the first time
God!
If
Only
It could be the last
I’m tired
So ******* tired
Of dreaming, longing, wanting
Only his kind,
Does this to me
Makes me weak
With just the thought
Of his touch
Perfect kissable lips
But I will never know any of this
Cause me
My heart
Beats a different
Rhythm
Then the rest of them
Nov 14, 2013
Nov 14, 2013 at 8:02 PM UTC
I could see my breath as I rested my head against your thigh.
It was almost as thick as your cigarette smoke
Which crawled down my throat and burned my nostrils
We couldn’t afford the heat bill, we couldn’t afford anything
But I stopped mentioning that
I remember the first time i did,you got so angry
I watched the defensive walls begin to build
The comments made you feel less than a man
Because you couldn't provide for me
At least not in your mind
It made you feel like your father
I watched the muscles in your neck strain against your skin
Any second now… I thought they’d rip right through
The vein in your temple
Growing bigger as you yelled
Your voice pierced my ears like glass fibers being shoved through them
You told me you knew I was weak
That you knew I couldn’t handle it
You left after that
In a rage of red, leaving destruction
The night seemed cold after that, chilly
Watching the clock I think to how we got here
I didn’thear your footsteps till 4:22
The morning became still
As my heart beat matched your steps
There was no car alarm going off anymore
No hissing from the cat fight in the ally
It was just quiet
I watched the door **** move
You came right in no hesitation
And I knew you felt miserable
I could see it in your eyes as I brushed your tears away
Felt it in you touch as I kissed ‘I’m sorry’ away
Nov 13, 2013
Nov 13, 2013 at 8:03 PM UTC
Choices
Never been one for them
See, me, I like freedom
Because today a I’m writer confused and undecided
My decisions lay the with wind
So now do you see why a mind like mine just...can’t decide?
Tomorrow I’ll be a dancer
My limbs and soul connected as one
Fluent in a body language
Or maybe I’ll be an explorer
Find a new species
Or a love sick- heart aching novelist
Hoping to find an everlasting love
Or an over eager hormonal teenager
Wanting to find the time of their life
I don’t want to be limited
Cause when I look into the eyes of the old
I see nothing but hard work and regret
I don’t want that
I’ve got so much I want to give
And find
And if growing up means I lose that
Then I’ll stay this age
Never losing my faith in reaching my dreams
Or becoming limitless physically and mentally
I will be extraordinary
Like no other
Or maybe tomorrow I’ll be…me
The one and only
Who eats way too much
Loves more than they ever knew how
Chooses to walk away when no one else would
And gets ****** off at the tiniest things
Gets grumpy just because I had to wake up
And hoping that world will become a better place
Nov 13, 2013
Nov 13, 2013 at 7:56 PM UTC
“I’ll never be the girl I once was. I’ll never laugh the same, hope the same, or love the same.”
“Good” I say. “That girl was weak and pathetic. Look how far she got you.”
Brutally honest
My heart aches saying it
But my mind reminds me
She’s not the same person she once was
Her shoulders deflate with the weight of shame
Eyelids heavy with contact
I try to explain, to reason
“You swam in a river of regrets,
Did you expect not to get wet?
That there would be no consequences?”
“I expected to get wet but never to drown.”
“But you jumped in without any lessons.”
*“I know. I just didn’t expect the water to be so murky. It looked so beautiful reflecting the pale blue sky.
It all seemed
Limitless."*
“You disturbed the surface causing a ripple effect. I tried to warn you that many drink from those waters.”
“I was a faithful consumer. There religiously every day.”
“But the owner never changed the land to private though, he left it open to the public.”
It was all a riddle
The perfect chemistry of words
Describing the relationship
Of a boy and a girl
A boy who just didn’t want more
Who didn’t want the commitment of a girl
A girl who gave everything
With the promise of nothing
A girl I used to call best friend
But that same girl that used to finish my sentences
Is now among the hundreds if faces I pass in the halls
Out of it I’ve learned more
About myself and this selfish world
Love is not patient
And it is not kind
It will leave you devastated
In its absence
And powerless in its presence
On your knees you’ll wonder where you went wrong
And honestly, you went wrong for ever falling for it
For ever believing it would make you love yourself
Cause without self-respect, self-appreciation and loyalty
Love will demolish you
Turn the ones you love most into strangers
and I can only hope I can be save from falling
To it depths
will you save me?
Nov 13, 2013
Nov 13, 2013 at 7:24 PM UTC
There’s a season in your eyes
A desire I couldn’t recognize
You’re a touch of temptation
A boy with a bad reputation
You feel like letting go
Baby you promised forever
So if breathing means dying
Let’s hold our breath
We’ll be stiller than winter weather
You told me you were broken
But I knew it was beautifully
A jagged past
I don’t care if it cuts me deeply
Your scares make you a perfect match
For my two arms
So crash into me
Bind the stiches together
We’ll heal and prosper together
Cause they don’t understand that
It’s easy to be a saint when you have nothing on the line
So will do whatever we have to, to survive
Nov 12, 2013
Nov 12, 2013 at 9:02 PM UTC