christina-wise
I believe in honest words and believe life is full of beautiful and tragic experiences as we all grow. I've seen many sorrows and highlights in my life thus far, and each story means to bring more meaning to my life. Even the hardest times are put onto my lap to keep building who I am. I will be truthful about the hardest times that weigh on my soul, and accentuate the times that made the muscles around my mouth grow a smile.
Night creeps along like a thief in the night,
Stealing every last penny from my saved-up dreams.
Self destructive tendencies that lurk deep within me.
I've been suppressing them so long and I couldn't hold them back any longer.
They come out kicking and screaming.
They have my inner child hiding beneath the dining room table, waiting out the night, waiting for the storm to roll over.
But it doesn't end there, it's just the beginning.
Now that it's unleashed who knows when I'll diminish
Into this abyss of my soul, eyes wide open, feeling every inch of bittersweet rage ******* inside me.
All I wanna do is rest my eyes and feel the peace of the dark night, but they won't let me.
Instead, they take a piece of me with them after their finished, and I'm left here more empty than the night before, on the floor, gasping to breathe the oxygen that I'm so blessed with to endure.
What do I feel right now?
What does this tired heart desire?
Have you ever longed to pour your heart out to someone, but instead you remain silent behind a smile?
I give you a hug, I shake your hand...
But behind these eyes there's that fear of self-loathing pain is ingniting, and as our fingers touch, I tell myself to run away, but we interlock and there's no way I will ever get far enough away from you to forget your face.
How could you do this to me?
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 4:56 AM UTC
Where has the time gone?
Wasn't it just yesterday that we were silly kids,
running around and cracking jokes at each other?
No. It was yesterday that you drew your last breath.
Alas, you were taken from this earth so young.
Death came like a thief in the night.
Your body lay lifeless alongside the road.
My dear old friend,
there is nothing I feel but sorrow when I think of it.
Sometimes life just isn't fair.
Farewell, and be with God.
Breathe eternal.
Jan 24, 2015
Jan 24, 2015 at 10:48 PM UTC
Spewed out were my wholesome words full of
meaning and frantic need.
Once released to the universe, they were empty.
And the purposeful conversation became insignificant,
receiving no reassurance.
Jan 10, 2015
Jan 10, 2015 at 1:41 PM UTC
I gave you my all for years and you gladly stomped on my masterpiece.
You went from soulmate to stranger in the blink of an eye.
You gave me your most sincere gift this Christmas, wrapped up in pretty bows made of lies and deceit.
You wanted to make out as the good guy, but I'm no fool.
Truth always floats to the surface
and you sir went from ****** to **** in 2.0 seconds.
I saw through your facade and could see the guilt in your eyes,
You self-absorbed, selfish boy.
I gave you years and you give me cowardly copouts full of ********
You couldn't look into my eyes and tell me the truth like I deserved.
Where was your honor during this festive moment in time?
You are the bad guy.
You call yourself a man, but you live life like a spoiled, little boy.
Did you really think I wouldn't find out?
Did you really think I didn't know you like the back of my hand?
Loving you was like second nature, and now when I think of you, I throw up a little in my mouth.
I hope you find your manhood in the bitter warmth of her thighs.
Good riddance and good bye.
You ****** the life out of me for the last time.
Thanks for your Christmas present ****
Freedom from your wicked lies.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 9:31 PM UTC
You fed me lies, while I swallowed every syllable.
You gave me your bittersweet words of false hope to chew on,
And I willingly devoured them at each sitting.
Now I lay here staring at the letters you once wrote me,
Seeing now that I was blinded.
With each progressing sentence,
You made a fool of me.
And now all I crave to do,
Is watch each word burn in raged flames.
Yet, I'm still hungry.
- (c.w.)
Dec 28, 2014
Dec 28, 2014 at 9:38 PM UTC
You have no idea what is running through my head.
These words, I cannot let slip out of my mouth.
If I did, then my ears would be convinced and believe in the possibilities,
The what-if’s.
Everyone says, “You can’t think about what-if’s,”
When in reality, what-if’s pop up in every one of our brains…
whether we see that or not.
I sit in this bathtub, almost in the dark.
The candles light my heart along with the room.
I take deep breaths and try to think about nothing.
But then it happens…
What if…
If I have to tell him, my love, would he stay with me?
Don’t get stressed.
It’s just a what-if.
Dec 28, 2014
Dec 28, 2014 at 6:50 PM UTC
To walk away on Christmas.
I've never felt winter's breeze graze my cheek so sharply.
My heart grows cold as this prolonged night goes on.
I'm frozen.
Four years of my life,
Lost at sea.
Though my heart breaks into falling snowflakes
You had to be free of me.
There was no place left for me in your occupied heart.
This frostbite will sting, until I feel no more.
What warmth that was left in my core has been stolen by this cursed evening.
And as the tears fall from my face onto the desolate ground,
I stand there frozen.
Lost. At a loss.
I can't breathe.
Every breath is like a gasp for air.
The void in my heart fills with gaping streams of sorrow-filled, silent screams.
And all I can see is utter darkness.
Dec 26, 2014
Dec 26, 2014 at 3:23 AM UTC
Mama
Surrounded by water, I hold my breath.
Purposefully I sink to the bottom of this place.
My body is still, and my arms crossed like an X over my chest.
I open my eyes and see the blurry light hitting the surface.
Still, I hold my breath.
Every brush of water feels like ribbons against my skin.
But I need to come up.
I gasp for air as I breach the surface.
I walk out of the water as if I were alike royalty, coming up to my throne.
Every speck of air feels like a calming winter mist against my skin.
I stare ahead to the trees.
As I walk through the tall trees,
Barefoot to feel the earth in between my toes,
I feel a sense of welcome and acceptance.
Though they tower over me, you’ve taught them tolerance for my kind.
The dirt I walk upon embraces my feet’s rough exterior.
I stand tall and elongated, rooting myself into the forest ground.
I am rooted, and grow to love you.
Amongst your other children of beauty, you have received me.
And, I need you. Everyday.
Mama
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 10:00 PM UTC
As I walk past those around me, my mind drifts away,
floating to a place unknown with silver linings of
unyielding, frostbitten memory.
I look up to the sky and see the faded light set over a
shimmering sea.
Night roads of gleaming, silver streams flow vast and
as fast as lighting strikes a tall-standing tree.
And just before I close my eyes to form a much
withheld, light smile,
I look up to the sky, and then see past memories and
roadways of thoughts,
calling me to lay down my sweet head.
Sleeping safe in your arms, I see the safe horizon,
calling my name.
This unknown place carries me home,
and all is quiet as it should.
Shadow falls as my dreams graciously drift away
across the sea below a blue moon.
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 5:21 PM UTC
They say no one knows you like you know yourself.
When all I hear is the sound of the light bulb above me whirring with energy
And all I feel is the empty silence within my mind, which surrounds me,
The true version of you creeps up from behind the secret doorway.
Loneliness burns my skin and sorrow pours overflowing out of my soul.
I could smell the fresh scent of burnt flesh.
I could see the invisible tears splashing onto the floor.
I could hear my silent screams being shouted into nonexistence.
But he keeps me from letting my blood spill, and traps it inside to keep the flow going like a rushed river trying to race to leap off of a waterfall.
Into the unknown.
Into the abyss.
I taste the bitterness of my solitude and craze.
I do not quite understand why…
Why he insists on grabbing my arm and pulling me into oblivion.
Explosions go off around me and I just stand still.
Like shackles, I’m kept locked into the ground.
My feet won’t move from this very spot
Because I’m afraid that now, I see him around me.
He acts like my friend, but leaves me feeling all the more alone than the previous time before this one.
Each time bringing a newer sense of where I’ve been before.
Loneliness reminds me to instill that thought that I have lost it all.
He makes me empty promises of future adventures then leaves me on the floor.
Loneliness, you’re intoxicating because I know you like the back of my hand.
You make me think you know me better than I know myself…
Dec 23, 2014
Dec 23, 2014 at 6:12 PM UTC