Painkillers on an empty stomach
Because once it’s too late
Everything comes right back up
You try to convince your body that your stomach is empty
As your body spasms violently until you throw up acids
You worry about your teeth
On your way to your bed
Hugging your bucket, the only thing real and physical
You rest your head, carefully lowering it
Still you feel your blood blindingly rushing to your head
Your dark room is to bright
Your quiet house too loud
Noise pierces through your ears into your brain
Your bed exists too much
Every movement sends waves of pain through your head
You can’t sleep on your back, but you can’t turn around
You can’t sob, so the tears silently roll into your ears
You can’t move your face, it has to be frozen
You want your mommy, but you can’t call
So every breath has a name, murmured against the pain: mommy, mommy, mommy
Mommy comes checking on you rarely
She’s afraid to come, because she knows she’ll only cause more pain
She opens the door as quietly as she can
She puts a cool wet cloth on your forehead as careful as she can
As your eyes flutter, you see her helplessly watch her child suffer
Your mind is far away
And your body takes control
But the pain comes with you
Nothing but the pain is real
With every wave of pain you wonder if this time it’ll be enough pain to pass out
As every second stretches to infinity
Past and future blur and vanish
This is your whole existence now
As merciful darkness unfolds around you
You calmly wonder if It’s sleep or death
May 1, 2019
May 1, 2019 at 11:58 AM UTC
They tell you not to smoke cigarettes,
you are too young anyway.
Where there is a will, there is a way
They won't let you smoke a hookah,
it's even worse!
Where there is a will, there is a way
They forbid drinking at your age,
they call it underage drinking.
Where there is a will, there is a way
They tell you **** is dangerous,
if they found out, you're ******
Where there is a will, there is a way
They tell you not to combine alcohol and ****
even less when it's wodka and out of a ****
Where there is a will, there is a way
They fence in the roof of the highest tower,
the teacher says there's been too many jumpers.
Where there is a will, there is a way
They can't understand you,
they won't let you escape.
Where there is a will, there is a way
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 2:25 PM UTC
Oh, please leave!
All you cause is grieve
I can't stand you any longer
The pain doesn't really make me stronger
My hopes been dashed just too often
The pain of every dashed hope will not soften
Oh, please leave!
All you cause is grieve...
May 15, 2015
May 15, 2015 at 7:01 AM UTC
I always try to be not too happy
Because my luck is gappy
I prefer to be always down
Than falling again and again
I freely give away my crown
To protect me from pain
Cause to hit the ground
Causes an irreparable wound
The pain sets in
Happiness is as thin as skin
I am afraid of being happy
Because happiness is treacherous
And quotes about it are sappy
To believe them is dangerous
I rather live through a veil
Than to admit my fail
Apr 2, 2015
Apr 2, 2015 at 5:31 AM UTC
Don't think for a second
That just because you're
Kind
Sweet
Thoughtful
That I'll open up to you quickly.
My heart has been sealed
Protected by
Locks
Chains
Fortresses
Layers upon layers.
Whether you want to be friend or lover
You must understand
I prefer books to people;
They are less likely to let you down.
You'll have to gain my trust over and over again;
I've been hurt too many times.
If I let you in, take what I give you;
Not everyone gets past my walls.
Don't assume you know me
Just because I opened up
I have given all of me
To very few people.
Most only have a part or two.
As much as you may make me laugh
Or as much fun as we may have I'm still
Cautious
Wary
Tentative
About letting you get too close.
Just because I don't talk to you
Every second of every day, means I need
Time to myself
Peace and quiet
To sort my thoughts
As I recharge from spending time with people.
Feb 7, 2015
Feb 7, 2015 at 3:56 PM UTC
I can't trust anyone
No matter how hard I try
'Cause I've learnt my lesson
And know I can't believe my eye
The one I once let in
Disillusioned me forever
Taught me that feelings are a deadly sin
Can't manage to get rid of them, however
I'm condemned to never lose control
To push away anyone that comes close
To enchain heart and soul
To make sure no one knows
This way I'm always alone
Hurt those who adore me
Seem to others as if from stone
Because from any endearment I flee
I can't trust anyone.
I am a ruin.
Feb 7, 2015
Feb 7, 2015 at 6:57 AM UTC
I am all wrecked
Do act correct
The way people expect
Do seem perfect
Like I have nothing to regret
Always trying to be pleasing
But inside I'm leaving
And nothing can keep me from dreaming
'Cause dreaming keeps me from freezing
While freezing keeps me from healing
I am all wrecked
Doing things people wouldn't expect
Not correct
And not perfect
With lots to regret
I drink, like I'm obsessed
Boys look at me impressed
Want me to do what they request
Think me completely messed
And I am at best, if not ... depressed
I can't let go of what destroys me
Probably drink a lot to flee
And smoke so many to feel free
But can't find the key
To make me happy
I'm all wrecked
I am a ruin
Feb 7, 2015
Feb 7, 2015 at 6:04 AM UTC
Shadow in my soul
Shadow in a hole
Shadow in my heart
Shadow in the dark
Shadow in my eyes
Shadow in the skies
Shadow in my brain
Shadow makin' insane
Shadow in my vein
Shadow causin' pain
Shadow in my sleep
Shadow makin' me weep
Shadow gettin' thinner
Unveiling a sinner
Shadow gettin' thicker
Not a light's flicker
Nov 8, 2014
Nov 8, 2014 at 12:22 PM UTC
My heart sinks to the ground
To it it's bound
I wonder: will you come around?
With you it'll be unbound
You would hold it high
Making it feel the deep blue sky
Where it wouldn't wish to die
So it had no need to cry
Nov 6, 2014
Nov 6, 2014 at 11:14 AM UTC
Unloved I live an
Unlovely life, treated
Unloving by people I'm
Unable to love
Unlovable I am treating people
Unlovingly myself
Unlovable in the literal sense:
the impossibility of being loved
Nov 6, 2014
Nov 6, 2014 at 8:55 AM UTC