O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.
Mar 7, 2017
Mar 7, 2017 at 1:35 PM UTC
*I don't even remember letting you in but suddenly you were everywhere.
I found myself running through the woods with you late at night. I should have ran faster.
I should have run as fast as I could and never looked back. it wouldn't have hurt so bad.
I found myself drunk on the smell of you and searching for the smell of the inside of your car.
there's nothing quite like that.
I found myself replaying our moments over in my head slowly at first to catch all the details,
then again as fast as they had happened.
my head spun faster and faster and i thought it might **** me.
it wouldn't quite **** me in the way you did when you left.
there's nights I wake drenched in sweat. you stood over me in my sleep.
first kissing my lips slowly.
your mouth moves down over my body, when you reach my chest you stop.
you rip my lungs from me.
my chest fills with fire.
I can only breathe when you lean in close to kiss me again.
each time you press your lips to my body I scream out in pain.
you are toxic and I never noticed.
the dream doesn't hurt quite as bad as the night you left me.*
Apr 1, 2016
Apr 1, 2016 at 11:21 AM UTC
*1. Your laugh.
2. Your smile pressed gently to mine.
3. The soft sound of your breath as you slept.
4. "I love you" falling softly from your lips.
5. The first time we met and you whispered hello.
6. Your quiet cries the first time I held you drunk.
7. The sound of kisses you left upon my body.
8. You stopping as we walked along the trails to breath in the woods
9. sweet silence as we drove home in the dark trying to hear each others thoughts.
10. You wrapping your body so tightly around mine our breath became one.
11. The first time you said my name.
12. The sound of our giggles intertwined as we ran through the dark woods.
13. The last time you called me, drunk, saying you missed me.*
Apr 1, 2016
Apr 1, 2016 at 11:08 AM UTC
my rough hands and shaky touch could never quite bring to life the beautiful art that danced in my head. I learned to look for art instead and that's why I could never quite keep my eyes off of you.
Mar 28, 2016
Mar 28, 2016 at 10:44 AM UTC
my life was filled with glue bottles and tape,
always making sure that I stayed in one piece.
*the rain slowly crept into the leaks,
and I am not okay*
*you are the thunderstorm. your voice fills my ears
and I can no longer hear anything but you.*
*your hand is the lightning that strikes me
and also rubs my back until I fall asleep.*
*the rain is entirely you. you slowly found your way in
and washed away the glue and picked off the tape
piece by piece.*
*now I lay in the thunderstorm outside begging to be touched
by the lightning.*
*I crave the thunder in my ears and I pray the rain
will drown me once more.*
Mar 28, 2016
Mar 28, 2016 at 10:39 AM UTC
ground zero
i become aware of boundaries
i am a dog chasing cars
i sing your voicemail to sleep
there are no surgeon general warnings
to tell me that
*the objects in the mirror
are more depressed than they appear*
so how do i tell you
that there are parts of my life
that move slower
without you in them?
or that i look for you every day
in emails & unanswered calls
in the sunrises
i didn't choose to be awake to watch
that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them
stage 1 you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip
stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant
stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me
after
people always ask
what was loving her like?
after a really long silence
i just say
"it must be nice"
but i never say
it's watching paint dry
i never say
it's a window seat in hell
i don't tell anyone
about the dreams
where i am reading you
bedtime stories
each one is a different way you die
& every time i can never save you
dreams where what i think
are angels in my bedroom
are just homeless versions
of myself you never loved
i have dreams
where i pay someone to shoot me
just to see if you would cry
just to see
if you would cradle my body
i don't tell people
that loving you is like
playing piano
for someone who can't hear
that it's hitting repeat
on my favorite song
& forgetting the words
every time it starts over
that it's finding out
there's no milk after you already
poured yourself a bowl of cereal
it's getting locked in the dark
& being told to
look on the bright side
that loving you is like
being reminded of what it felt like
the first time
you accidentally let go
of a balloon as a child
it's drowning without the water
it's the feeling you get
when you start to dance
& the song ends
Mar 16, 2016
Mar 16, 2016 at 5:27 PM UTC
I took too many people to our park
I walked along the trails with my eyes closed praying that itd feel like you.
they filled the silence with ungodly noise
nothing like the loudness of your hand in mine or your soft giggle when i skipped.
Mar 16, 2016
Mar 16, 2016 at 5:07 PM UTC