I fell in love with a boy who was even more broken than I was.
His fake smile and pain filled eyes had me hypnotized.
He couldn’t open up to anyone anymore since countless people had hurt him in the past so, really I barely even knew him.
I was addicted to the way he made me feel and so I spent all my time and energy trying to fix him. It killed me to see him in pain, he was my whole world yet he was barely even existing.
A long few months later he was doing so much better, he was finally happy.
And then he left me.
I fixed him and so he didn’t need me around anymore.
After that, I was so much more broken than he ever was.
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 6:29 AM UTC
I can’t escape these thoughts that go on in my head
I can’t escape them
Maybe they’ll stop if I stop breathing
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 2:58 PM UTC
The saddest people always try their hardest to make other people happy
Because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless
Trapped in their own mind
And they don't want anyone else to feel like that
Aug 10, 2014
Aug 10, 2014 at 6:52 PM UTC
You protect me
From my thoughts
And when you're not here
I'm ashamed
Of how easy it is
To surrender
And become a victim
To my own mind
Once again
Aug 10, 2014
Aug 10, 2014 at 6:49 PM UTC
You may see me smiling much more in pictures, but please don’t misunderstand
Grief is still my daily company. It’s just that the face of grief changes
Some days are worse than others, but I still deeply cry multiple times every day
Some days, I have a lot of good moments, others I have none
I still mentally disappear in the world of my bereavement still hoping for their return as well as my own return to my prior being
Living is still a task of great expenditure of spiritual energy
Being positive is necessary toward healing, but my smiles take more effort than they so depict in my photos
Aug 3, 2014
Aug 3, 2014 at 9:41 PM UTC
Please ignore that sharp inhale I just took
I swear
I'm fine
I know it might look like I am choking on something
Believe I am doing fine
I swear
I'm fine
Yes go on and on about your day
, with your reoccurring and ever stagnant worries
I swear
I'm fine
Please ignore that tear in the pit of my eye
Please pay no heed to me calling at an hour so obscene
Don't bother responding to that text message please
I don't mean to be a bother
I swear
I'm fine
Yes, I know you have a life
I know you need some rest
But don't realize that this head of mine is buzzing
It has become so restless
It won't let me sleep
No it won't let me think
I swear
I'm fine
I'm fine
I just find it harder to sleep
Even harder to wake up
Harder to eat
And even harder to smile
Because I feel I am sinking into a deep pit
Grieving grievances are not what I need
I just need someone to say "it's fine if you aren't fine"
But don't worry
I swear
I'm fine
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:43 PM UTC
I knew the moment I met you
I could never lose you
I knew the moment I met you
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 7:22 PM UTC
2am
The time I lay awake thinking about all the mistakes I've made and all the regrets I have
The time I spend running my fingers over my scars wishing I could take it all back
The time I waste dreaming about the future and all the memories I've yet to make
2am
The time that tears me apart
Jul 25, 2014
Jul 25, 2014 at 9:27 PM UTC
You tell me that these blades are dangerous
But so are my thoughts
Jul 25, 2014
Jul 25, 2014 at 9:24 PM UTC
Tell me I'm a puzzle piece because you won't know me until you have all the pieces.
Stop tossing your opinions because I bat them away every time I prove you wrong and I've never taken a home run without the help of my friends.
But these days my friends aren't really my friends, the way a smile isn't sincere if you are holding a knife behind your back.
Give me a jolt and not the ****** kind of railway tracks down wrists made of flimsy veins because I'm not going anywhere without your help.
I took down all the mirrors and threw away all the sharp edges.
I'm becoming a better version of myself.
We are all trapped in our reflections and for some reason, we don't see ourselves.
Maybe I just want someone to turn around and look me in the eyes so deep, they could see the water buckets behind them about ready to brim over.
They'd tell me "you're gonna be fine" and for some reason id smile and walk away like I haven't been dragging the world on a string that was ready to snap like the way you do because you don't get how my mind works.
I'd bring my shoulders up a notch and eventually the smiles would come naturally.
It's so easy sometimes.
You're gonna be fine.
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 7:03 PM UTC