I am a closed book
My cover, only a silhouette
The contents, an infinite number of words
I could never speak out loud
I am an open vessel
Bottomless, rarely full
My lid is broken
Yet, you tip me upside down
I will not spill
There are no limits for my consumption
Though there are plenty for my exposure
Like music without lyrics,
I comfort those around me
Without making them feel anything in particular
Not great, nor terrible
A beautiful medium
Whose absence could well go unnoticed,
Eventually replaced
I am several mistakes,
A few secrets,
A couple of regrets
And one hidden heart
Aug 9, 2019
Aug 9, 2019 at 2:52 PM UTC
A messy mind
Inside and out
Reminders of the past
Earthquakes , car crashes,
Physical fights and emotional abuse
Like a sneaky bite
From a mosquito or an ant
You don’t see it happen
It hurts as soon as you realise
But it soon disappears
Never to be thought of again
Unless you scratch it too much,
Make it bleed and enlarge
It’s the trauma
I try not to scratch
Pretend it never happened
So I don’t tell others
As soon as I speak out loud
It’s as if I’m bitten again
The poison rises up
To the surface of my skin
And I scratch so hard
At something that is not there
Yet it still hurts
And bleeds, grows
Bigger and bigger
Eventually maturing
Into a visible scar
Then all secrets are lost
No longer concealed
Festering upon the mess
An absolute abomination
Inside this mind
Of mine
Aug 9, 2019
Aug 9, 2019 at 2:36 PM UTC
constantly regretting
never sorry
rarely happy
always smiling
never alone
yet forever lonely
often hungry
but barely eating
- eternally broken
Mar 3, 2015
Mar 3, 2015 at 4:47 AM UTC
I am here,
this is me,
this is me giving up
now.
I do not love you
(or me)
I never have
I do not love
I never could
For myself,
I am weak
this will never change
This is me
giving up, truly, this time
it will be better
tomorrow
we forget
lose me now
I am already lost
I am gone
Feb 23, 2015
Feb 23, 2015 at 2:29 AM UTC
An overwhelming wave of fear
hit me last night before bed
an understanding, a realization
of how it really feels
to have happiness taken away,
love, torn from my grasp
You are no longer here
with me, near me, inside of me
who would have thought
that I would need you so much?
I cannot let go
even though you are already gone
We were separated too soon
I need time to love you more
though, those were not my intentions
at the beginning
you were fun, we had fun
and now
all I want is more of you
I need more of you
Feb 1, 2015
Feb 1, 2015 at 3:25 PM UTC
so very alone
yet high in demand
I think often
of trees standing strong
over people holding hands
I wonder sometimes
about how tall we may grow
These people
they pull me tight
I resist, then regret
as a storm of emotions
knocks me to the ground
It's those feelings
of love, of fear
that make the crippling leaves
fall slowly to the ground
some are happy, now is their time
I have been loved
and I have been left behind
there is no hope
when these hands hold nothing
but empty hearts
A beautiful thing
we once had
has now shrunken
making room for more
from these people
who all want me
they will get me
and I will be lost
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 6:51 AM UTC
four times
in one day
she will say to me
she will say
I am lovable
then, she will go
and not come back
I ask her once
why can I not
love her
I found a letter
she had wrote
for another girl
it was beautiful
I want her
to make me happy
help me feel
nice feelings again
Why do they leave me
and why do I stay?
Stop them, please
I need to love
she needs to know
I cannot speak for my heart
when nobody is around
to listen, anymore
Jan 25, 2015
Jan 25, 2015 at 1:15 AM UTC
why is it that
I reject all good
and accept all bad?
when was it
that I started to frown
when I wanted to smile?
how can you
make me
do this to myself?
to us
what can I do
to prove my worth
to feel happiness again?
where can I find
a comfortable place
to rest my head
and dream
forever
who
are we now?
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 10:18 PM UTC
a special place
I find myself in
a full head of hair
neatly brushed back
from a pale face
season has changed
no more careless footsteps
on dry gravel roads
maybe a warm drink
after school will help
the days seem important
now my closet has been rearranged
these things surrounding
all that is new
it's difficult to adjust
to what is becoming
and as rain begins to drop
on dry leaves already fallen
thinking of the past
is grounding
Jan 3, 2015
Jan 3, 2015 at 2:18 AM UTC
before I woke up today
I did not know where I was
all around me was misty
but a sign which read
'you are not lost'
I got closer,
the sign disappeared
then I woke up,
my pillow drowning in tears
Now, in the middle of the day
I am aware of my surroundings
plenty of words to say
but that unknown place
fills me with thoughts
Isolation
fear and curiosity
I can never remember
what I have been taught
Jan 3, 2015
Jan 3, 2015 at 2:06 AM UTC