Hell is known by everyone
Whether you believe in it or not
It's always a compare and contrast
And even though it's just a simple thought
The ideal is there
That if we do something terrible
Like ****** lie or sin in any way
That it leaves something memorable
Like a stain on white cloth
The sin clouds our mind
Consuming our thoughts and bodies
Until theres not much left to find
Except for devastation and agony
Like living isn't hard enough
Without thinking that every mistake
Requires more than just being tough
Where we have to be forgiven
By Grace, by God, and yet others still look down
On us for simple plunders
Like it was our choice to take the frown
It's not our fault we were blinded
It's not our fault that we couldn't think clearly
Can you blame us for being angry?
Everythings shouting at us so severely
Why aren't we better?
Why aren't we stronger?
Why aren't we smarter?
Why can't we just hold out longer?
Everyone thinks depression is so **** easy
"Oh, just think happier thoughts, it'll be fine!"
Tell that to a man so consumed with self loathing
That he'd rather sit alone and cry than dine
With those he loves. It's atrocious
How easily we all fall into the simple glove
That is how useless we are in the grand scheme of things
That we don't deserve love
Or anything at all, really.
And one day everyone we know will walk away
Show that they truly hate us and always have
And finally just ran out of reasons to stay
It pains me.
It pains me every single night
To sit here and think that maybe
I'll be worth more one day, and shed a light
To all those who are hurt or hurting
But how can I save someone
If I can't even save myself?
I'm afraid one day I'll be done.
Finished, over.
But. Even as these thoughts plague me
It's not over today. No way, no how
And I'll keep going, until one day, I see.
Sep 1, 2015
Sep 1, 2015 at 9:25 PM UTC
It's been a long long road
And I've been skipping milestones
And I've been tumbling along,
Watching pretty sunsets and toy thrones
Just blend together like a blur
Not soaking in any of it's warmth
Or realizing how grand things are
I'm trying to understand self-worth
But I'm lost, and I'm never gonna understand
Exactly what the purpose is in making plans
Because life likes to chew you up and spit you out
Give you praise and throw you out into garbage cans
It's like I let things only get skin deep
And all the while I sink
Into some land of no cares, and street affairs
And slowly drag myself to the brink
What else do I have, my lifes a joke
And I spend more time hiding
Than I do living
I'm just lucky I'm law-abiding
Cause if I wasn't, I'd be gone by now
And no matter how much I stand up
I lay back down
Half-empty, half-full, **** that I don't have a cup
Don't be like me kids, I'm forever a stranger
In a world that loves grand stories
And misplaced anger.
So here I stand in a field of dead morning glories
And if I don't drag myself out soon, I'll stay here.
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 8:35 PM UTC
If there were words
I could say to you
To bring back the good times
To make them all come true
I would
If I could show
you how much I wish things
Were different in every way
I'd let you see the good life brings
I would
If I could convince
You that life was worth living
And that you were beautiful
And that love was unending
I would
Don't underestimate
The things that I would do
To make you realize how great
of a blessing are you
I would
Oct 16, 2013
Oct 16, 2013 at 6:31 PM UTC
I've lost all focus
And my minds filled with hocus pocus
Cause I'm expecting something magical
To come but I'm stuck with the factual
That I'm meant to struggle right now
But I can't grasp exactly how
long or how wrong all of it is
And how much I really miss
Being simply okay
Even if it's just for today
I lose a stroke of happiness with each passing glance
And I miss my heart doing it's own lil prance
For joy or wonder or greatness
Because I'm sitting here traitless
And no real focus on whats real
Only on what else I could feel
In this tragic moment of time
I hope to take the pain away with each little rhyme
Oct 12, 2013
Oct 12, 2013 at 10:37 AM UTC
Look, I know I may not be
Worth much to other people
Because I haven't really spent
Enough time looking out
For those I care for
Because I'm drowning in my own demons
And they've been winning for a long time
But what they don't realize is
I'm coming back full swing for once
And I feel myself gluing back together
And I feel myself smile a little more
And I feel myself experience life
Through fear and faith I swear
That one day my demons will be stuck
Under ball and chain
Because I've spent 19 years suffering
And wondering and coping
With what little I had
But it may not be today
or tomorrow, or the next day
But someday soon I'll do it
I'll stand up, bloodied and broken
But I'll stand up, for once in my ******* life.
Oct 3, 2013
Oct 3, 2013 at 1:06 PM UTC
Give me my voice back
Give me that one forsaken chance
To give what I lack
And I don't mean prance
Give me my voice back
So I don't feel so weak or fragile
So I can forgive all of my slack
Attempts at being agile
Give me my voice back
So I can finally learn to be me
And I no longer need to attack
Who I am, give me the key
My voice is the only thing I own
In this cold, cruel, forgotten world
And when I have it back I'll sit on my throne
With a smirk, with posture and my hair curled
Sep 30, 2013
Sep 30, 2013 at 2:50 PM UTC
I can't afford a thing
And nothing but trouble will it bring
When I can't afford my car
Imagine that I'll get far
Or can't pay the hospital
That help me set up principle
It'll be a nice little thank you
Guess my doubts are true
Maybe I can't get a job
I should probably just hit the ****
And disappear for a little while
Make these thoughts less vile
With a bit of heavy breathing
And a lil less needing
To be confined
I've tried
To be happy and real
But it's hard to feel
Like a lie
Sep 28, 2013
Sep 28, 2013 at 8:11 PM UTC
How is it every time
I take a few steps forward
I seem to get crushed and pummeled
And sent toward
A completely different direction
from where I started out
My dreams are scattered
And I start to no longer care about
Who I am
And who I want to be
I've tried and I've tried
But I can no longer see
The truths that so happen
To be standing in front of me
Or at least I've been told they're there
But apparently
They hate me just as much as I hate them
So **** it, how am I supposed to
Survive anxiety, bipoloar, depression
Schizophrenia, diabetes, it's like they knew
And set me up for failure,
And now Mom's got MS,
And Dad's dying by 55
When he's 53 and no longer can miss
A beer or 20 in a day
He's drinking his life away
Cause he no longer cares
And I shouldn't either today
But it still kills me
To see my family fall
Apart in the simplest of ways
Cause I know, one day, we'll all miss the call.
Sep 26, 2013
Sep 26, 2013 at 7:46 AM UTC
The moon holds such a serene glow
For all it's wonders, we may never know
It's light dances gently across the plains
And some nights it disappears, behind rains
Though it never truly runs away
It stays behind cover for a day
To recollect and reflect
What it's supposed to detect
Amongst the many mysteries of Night
Was it meant to help search for the lost?
Was anyone meant to help at such a cost?
Was it simply to gaze upon by star-crossed lovers
Or help protect children while they hide under covers
She knew she had a job to do
To control the tides, and keep them true
But there was more to life than the simply job
To keep her going, make her heart throb
But alas, these are the many mysteries of Night
Sep 23, 2013
Sep 23, 2013 at 7:25 AM UTC
Look I'm tired
And terrified
And I'm stuck
And petrified
Cause I have no way
Of ever knowing
If I have purpose
Am I even showing
The direction I want to go in
I've fought so hard
To be who I am
To place the next card
And it's gotten to the point
Where I just seem to not care
Anymore and that scares me
And to be utmost fair
I want to care
I like liking myself
And I enjoy being happy
Not being stealth
In who I am or who I want
So why am I feeling down again?
It's like I can't control it
And I've tumbled down the lions den
Well I plan on fighting this time
Not because I have a lot in reserve for a fit
But because truthfully I owe it to myself
And, of course, because I deserve it
Sep 22, 2013
Sep 22, 2013 at 8:19 AM UTC