I grasped your hand tight for the shortest moment,
But it seemed an eternity; a promise, a future,
And in that moment, when I was safe, so secure,
You gripped my hand back, and I felt content.
I fell, like a shooting star that's lost its hold on reality,
A star that shines bright in its fiery descent, burning,
Falling so often feels the same as flying,
For in that moment you held my heart; you held me.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:55 PM UTC
I'm overwhelmed and overflowing,
I am happy but it is not enough,
My chest constricts with coloured pain,
I move forward but I'm drowning,
I curl up on myself and cower,
So unlike everyone else,
Or maybe just too much of the same,
My high notes don't have your power.
If I scream with this intensity,
A tight ball that will never let go,
Despite everything I once said,
Would anyone ever hear me,
A senseless, worthless hypocrite,
Who pretends she has a destiny,
That she doesn't walk that abyss,
Who's soul is just a black pit?
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:54 PM UTC
A sound of truth, of sense and of self,
An orchestra that fills the black void,
A meandering melody of wealth,
What does a word mean to you?
A rushing river that cuts through the earth,
A vast lake of deep unknown power,
An ocean of unstoppable, infallible surf,
What does a word mean to you?
The whisper and phrase of a mother's love,
Heard for the first time with a child's ear?
Or the music from stars twinkling above,
Their beauty and song ringing out clear?
What does a word mean to you?
The pain of internal biting and bleeding,
Teeth cut like knives with a barbed tongue,
Neither melody nor starlight worth hearing,
Is that what a word means?
The brutality of rash reflective thinking,
Teeth honed to points, a mouth like a cavern,
No song nor water nor love worth hearing,
Is that what a word is means to me?
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:52 PM UTC
Breathe in deeply,
an inhale to sustain life everlasting,
then submerge beneath rolling waves,
drifting like a feather on a breeze,
to cleanse a heart, a soul.
Relax,
release,
pressure washing away,
waves rising and falling,
water flowing by,
a babbling brook silenced,
flushing out fears.
Tokens of pain,
once heavy ballasts,
now feather-light,
rise to the surface,
recognised,
remembered,
understood –
let go.
They float away,
carried by ceaseless currents,
going,
going,
gone.
These waters are beautiful,
swirling pools of blues and greens,
ice cold and unreachable,
warm like a fire on a bitter winter's night,
reflection of purity and cleansing,
a looking glass.
These waters are ethereal,
they are treacherous,
dangerous,
uncontrollable.
But this is life, my life,
unknown,
unexpected,
electrifying,
exhilarating.
I surface slowly,
new like the first winter's snow,
taking one step, then two,
running,
leaping,
loving you.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:48 PM UTC
I stared into these eyes,
Deep blue, true blue, your blue,
But I saw it wasn't you.
I listened to this voice, to this laugh,
I laughed too,
But I heard it wasn't you.
I touched this body,
I hugged and held,
But I found it wasn't you.
Do you love me or hate me?
I wish I knew.
Do I love you or hate you?
Both are true.
Did I hurt you?
Will you hurt me?
These hands want to hold,
This skin wants to feel,
These lips want to kiss,
But my heart is cold.
I don't love you because I don't trust you,
Yet I need you, need you to wait,
My heart might open,
Open softly, slowly, carefully,
Because I was made to love,
Despite my hate, my pain,
My past, my scars.
Made to hold, to touch, to kiss,
To listen,
To love, to love.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:47 PM UTC
There is hate and fear,
No trust,
Not enough but far too much,
Running away
Yet running toward,
Circles within circles.
There isn't love
And there is, oh,
Yes, yes, right there,
There is lust,
Fear and water,
Waves and hate,
Love and thorns,
Roses and doubt.
Hands moving, fingertips roaming,
They open softly, like petals,
Like flowers plucked too soon,
Drowned in blood,
In tears.
Running and wailing,
Running and screaming,
Through tightening corridors,
No light, no sun,
No path,
No way out.
I stumble and fall in my haste,
Falling down and down,
Deeper and fuller,
Dark like chocolate,
But do I run from you,
Circles outside squares?
Or is it me?
I run and run,
I'll never look back,
I'll never know,
Petals raining,
Blood pelting,
I'm drowning.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:44 PM UTC
The waves rise up over me,
Pushing, shoving,
I can't feel anymore,
Living, breathing,
I am scared.
The waters wash over me,
Caressing, cradling,
I want to feel more,
Touching, loving,
I am scared.
Your hands are these waves,
Your eyes are these waters,
And I am drowning,
And I am scared.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:42 PM UTC
Time stops, stands still
As I await in darkness
Swallowing the pain, the pills
Waiting until I feel less
Feeling so lost and alone
Drowning everything out
I drink, disgusted, on my own
Too much after this drought
The pain, the fear, the hate
Tears streaming, too much to bear
Carrying this ballast, this weight
I damage myself so I disappear.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:40 PM UTC
I am me and you are you,
But me was you and them
And love and hate,
Then and now,
When and where,
Bitter and angry,
Repressed and obsessed,
And me was guilt and memories.
So I was me and you,
But mainly them,
That and those,
Who and what,
Up and down,
Pleasure and pain,
Alone and empty,
And me was filled with you
and them because me was not right.
Just me was never enough,
Just me never good enough,
So me was others and too little me,
But now you are you and I am just me.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:38 PM UTC
I could pretend to be happier
And not need a crutch
But that would be lying
And it would hurt far too much.
I could pretend not to need comfort
As much as I really do
But are my best friend
And I am lost without you.
I could pretend I don't watch it
And talk a lot less
About that thing that I love
But that would make me a mess.
I could pretend I'm not empty
But then I'd be alone
And to be brutally honest
I don't want to be on my own.
I could pretend to be less selfish
And share you with everyone else
But I need you more
And want you for myself.
I could pretend to be more sincere
Talking about love after his dare
Because I really am that selfish
But I really, really care.
I could pretend that I love the world
Just as much as you do
But that's why I listen
Because you always remind me to.
I could pretend that I don't love you
But that would be a lie
Because I want you as my best friend forever
And never have to say goodbye.
Feb 23, 2012
Feb 23, 2012 at 4:36 PM UTC