i dreamt i was shot in the throat by a man who loved me.
he cradled me gently, nestled beneath his quilted wings
in the dim lampshade light of a Scottish hotel room
when he put the steel in the notch above my clavicle.
i dreamt i was shot more frequently in my younger years
by an older man with jagged stubble and antifreeze eyes
and a chilly smile, but the man who loved me was sun-soaked.
my mother often tells me my throat turns red when i touch it.
Oct 7, 2016
Oct 7, 2016 at 10:18 PM UTC
He told me i was prettier in person
the night after we kissed in my best-friend's foyer
awkwardly missing the mouth because he was afraid
he would make a mistake
with a mistake
who had acne on her lip
and crooked teeth he'd luckily missed
when he kissed mouth closed
the second time
He told me Jesus Christ I was lovely
the moment I returned home
to cover my legs unfairly scratched by grass and flowers
with CVS brand diaper rash ointment, all over my fingers,
in my eczema cracks,
because I couldn't take the pain on my knees any longer
He told me to please not move
when I laid my head on his shoulder,
my unshaven arm round his waist and unshaven leg touching his own
and I could feel the bridge of my long nose
pushing in to the carotid artery where his heart pulsed faster and faster
as he ran one soft and gentle hand through my hair
and held my eczema cracks in his other, my grandmother hands,
that the other boy had called contagious, and the other girl had called
Alligator Skin
He told me he loved to walk behind me
though i had forgotten to suffer through bra stuffing
and wore baggy pants to prevent my knees against the trees
and my figure resembed a giraffe, knobly and unkept mane and all
He told me nothing
when He leaned in to kiss me a second time
and He put his hands in my mane
and His leg under my CVS knees
and His face in my Alligator hands
and my unstuffed bra near his chest
And His open mouth on my acne covered, crooked toothed mouth
because I am prettier in person
Jul 26, 2016
Jul 26, 2016 at 6:06 PM UTC
you will never know how bright you are
because in the darkness of space all other objects are illuminated
but they would remain in darkness
were you not a star
Jan 13, 2016
Jan 13, 2016 at 11:13 AM UTC
They ask me why I go through the pain.
The pain of distance.
The pain of silence.
The pain of difference.
The pain of jealousy.
The pain of harshness.
The pain of helplessness.
The pain of bitterness.
The pain of emptiness.
They ask me why I go through the pain
And I reply that
Without pain there is no joy.
The joy of finally holding each other's hand after a long flight home.
The joy of a "how are you" after a busy day.
The joy of learning a new song or listening to an idea you'd never dreamed could exist.
The joy of relief when they say you are the one and only.
The joy of hearing quick wit from the living room, starting as a lighthearted chuckle, changing to boisterous and cynical guffaws.
The joy of finally hearing the tears begin to fall when they've been held in for far too long and you can move forward.
The joy of the break in the silence after a difficult day when the apologies flow like honey, slow and sweet.
The joy of finally being whole, when life becomes real and free, and everything before it a papier mache mystery.
They ask me why I go through the pain.
What a pity: they have never been in love.
Dec 25, 2015
Dec 25, 2015 at 12:38 AM UTC
dancing was all right
until i finally found you
now it breaks my heart
Dec 6, 2015
Dec 6, 2015 at 9:47 PM UTC
It's waking up in the late morning and the sleep in your eyes bringing you visions of the world before time began. The vast eternal plains carry on into the midday sun while you walk towards the horizon. You don't need to be curious anymore.
It's lying awake in the night and your restless mind bringing you visions of the world as it falls to its death. The empty forest opens up to the sea, where the sun sets and you can finally admire the billions of stars in all their magnificence. You don't need to be strong anymore.
You don't need a reason anymore.
You may rest.
Dec 5, 2015
Dec 5, 2015 at 11:35 PM UTC
draped in sunlight she moved
with soft arm and solemn face
as i sat in the shadow
leaves and dirt in hand
examining her bare freckled shoulders
as she laughed at the mud on my face
and she'd read to me in harmonies
and she'd sing to me from the pages
and she'd laugh like it was something
beautiful
and she'd promise me she was a calendar:
everyday
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 10:17 PM UTC
i know you told me you tell all your friends i love you
but when i see them coming near you with their sugarcoated lips
the devil on my shoulder, who dresses like you but her lipstick's red,
tells me that my pixelated poetry can't be enough
i know you told me that the week was hell and now you need sleep
but when i flash before your eyes like rain before it falls into a puddle,
indecernable, and i an feel your eyes boaring into my soul, i think,
maybe i just need to try one more time, though you're tired
i know you told me your life is hard and its all you can do to stay alive
but here i go again, putting my anthill of cough medicine and paycuts
next to a mountain of car accidents and sleepless nights i never knew,
and you listen to every word and break my heart
i know you told me that you love me
but the devil on my shoulder laughs like you some days,
because you are the sunlight covered by my clouds
and all i am is undeserving
Nov 15, 2015
Nov 15, 2015 at 7:22 PM UTC
You could walk away
Gun smoking in your hand
Blood pouring out of me in rivers
And I could never love you less
You could push me to the ground
And my vision would cloud
And you could call me a monster
And I could never love you less
I've given up my entire soul to you
And you could leave me if you choose
A dead body without purpose or direction
And I could never love you less
Don't let me grow obsolete
Nov 1, 2015
Nov 1, 2015 at 11:15 PM UTC
Education’s got me feeling like the living dead
Too many new ideas running through my head
I’m feeling kind of foggy so I try to sit outside
It’s there from all this pressure that I try to hide
It’s eating at my flesh and brain, feeding off my soul
I’d force it all to leave me but the poison takes its toll
I’d save myself with literature, save myself with love
But nothing ever really works, so what I’m dreaming of
Is getting out with dreaming, getting out with song,
But once again it doesn’t end and I just string along
The last resort is movement, I could dance myself to death
And instead I end up running, always feeling out of break
I think the end is drawing near we’re all just in a hoard
I never asked to learn this, I don’t quite feel on board
We thought that education would relieve our sense of dread
But instead of curiosity, we’re transformed living dead
Of a new zombie apocalypse we needn’t ever fear
It’s the stress that’s in our hearts that’s drawing ever near
The moans and groans of students can be heard throughout the halls
As we make the correlation between the rotting and us all
You’d think that someone’d notice that we’ve all grown dispossessed
Of all our own ideas and our growth has been repressed
If you’re looking for a zombie then you shouldn’t look too far
Because there are disillusioned youth everywhere you are
Oct 31, 2015
Oct 31, 2015 at 11:57 PM UTC