*Looking back upon a dream of wishful thinking
of longing, submission and a desire to serve,
a mirage of confused perceptions borne
of insecure depths and need to feel wanted.
Full surrender offerns no guarantees of reciprocal love,
no exchanges, just the passing of time,
waiting to satisfy mutual desire, feeding our hunger
until the famine passes, and I'm required again.
Linger not where the heart is no longer needed or belongs.
time served, hunger satisfied, refuge offered, thirst quenched
direction in sight of a new path and journey, not yet walked.
Wistfully, I turn away from this place of ephemeral bliss.
Chapter, verse and history filed upon the top shelf, unreachable
in the solitary room of truth, once 'shared' with another.
Door silently closed, a 'do not disturb' sign reluctantly placed.
Private once again.
No endings, for true love never ends, just the yearning
for new beginnings of fulfilling, not unrequited love.
resigned to acceptance of what never really was,
and never would have been, if hope was all that existed.
Blissful friendship remains.*
Feb 14, 2013
Feb 14, 2013 at 11:12 AM UTC
*Walking meekly in the shadows, avoiding nakedness,
this vestibule of self-preserving isolation, my 'padded cell',
has become my buffer against the raging tide of life.
This makeshift home has no place for exaggerated emotions.
Nothing comes in and nothing goes out; always the safest option
for the perfect existence. The gatekeeper controls all activity.
Shock, pain and denial brought me to this desolate place,
watching myself, the outsider looking in, as my soul was *****
abuse was the joker who played a hand in this game of cards.
How easy it's been to sit back and pretend to myself and
the world that I'm satisfied with all that life is offering.
who was I trying to convince? No I.
So many times I wished I could undo the done, turning back time
to where earthly utopia was intact, escaping this cage,
running carefree like an innocent child on a first new adventure
The hurt child lays dormant, but her will does not die,
she beckons and teases me to test my toes in the strong
currents of life's raging tides, seeking out its throng.
She reminds me of a halcyon era of innocence,
before laughter and confidence eluded me.
A time when I played, thinking only of the day.
Friendship, acceptance and self discovery have healed me.
Trusting my inner child, I gently turn the key, unlocking, tentatively.
I feel alive, seeing the light so bright and inviting.
Choosing freedom, pensively, I take one last look at my dwelling place
giving thanks for the sanctuary she offered me,
taking my first baby steps back into society.
Carried on the swirls of the tide to wherever they take me,
I am now Mistress of my own destiny.
Rebirth*
Feb 14, 2013
Feb 14, 2013 at 11:05 AM UTC
*It's the closeness I miss,
of the tender touch you
planted deep inside,
leaving me wondering,
if you were ever mine,
how I'd show you the
way that I love.
I would offer mind and
body unconditionally,
choosing to serve you,
with wild abandonment,
following obediently
like a "Good Girl" does.
I would walk the earth
barefoot in chains,
selling my soul to the devil,
for a chance of your return;
sanctuary would be a sweet
exchange to follow you in
endless submission.*
I would breathe deep
passion into your soul
like seeds flowing in the
breeze of the wind,
watching them grow
teasing your senses,
tempting you back to me,
re-igniting your fire within.
All but a dream,
dreams of my fantasy,
out of touch with reality,
dreaming to escape,
refusing to self-medicate.
memories of sweetness
offer a warm embrace...
Feb 14, 2013
Feb 14, 2013 at 10:18 AM UTC