I've wished I was a boy my whole life.
To get respect without demanding it.
To walk in a room and be part of the club.
To not be seen as an outsider, an irritant.
I loathed that I was treated differently.
I worked my entire life to get here,
believing that it would get better
with the fancy title and, finally, the career.
Now, I've made it. Yet, I still have to demand:
To be seen. To be CC'd on emails. To not be
excluded. Do you know how difficult it is
to have the right title, but not the right genitalia?
You can be competent, intelligent,
the smartest in the room.
But if you aren't the ideal gender,
You're just a pretty face in costume.
Dec 14, 2023
Dec 14, 2023 at 4:54 PM UTC
The sadness has dissipated.
Not even fear remains.
It has been replaced
With absolutely nothing.
People ask how I'm doing
And I say, "Better today."
But I'm not. Raw emotion was
Replaced. With emptiness.
I'd rather feel everything
Than nothing at all.
Oct 27, 2021
Oct 27, 2021 at 3:28 PM UTC
I'm tired of being responsible.
I miss the days of my youth
It wasn't a shock when I didn't show up.
I was always moody, blue.
I miss spending the day in bed.
Reminiscing, crying, *******
Acting wild, getting myself
into trouble. Constantly running.
Midnight skinny dipping with men
whose mouths i'd never taste again.
nights with people whose names i had
to write down so i wouldn't forget.
it's not being an adult...
i'm fine being grown.
alcohol, drugs, ***
no one can tell me no
its the spontaneity i miss
the ability to freely
do things i shouldnt
innocent ignorant silly
i miss being wreckless
Sep 9, 2021
Sep 9, 2021 at 10:09 AM UTC
I can't sell this house
That you forcefully entered.
I have to live in it...
The scene of your crime.
I can't drive away
When memories are too vivid.
Because it is my body,
My home, that you violated.
I'm reminded of you
When I look down and see
A body that does not
Seem to belong to me.
When I sit down, I remember
How the warm, sticky blood
Felt between my legs
As you scraped in and out.
Car keys in my ignition...
The same ones you took from me.
My purple dress...
The one I begged to keep on.
A friend's apartment I can't go to
Because it's in the same complex.
The skirt I never wore again
Because you said I was "asking for it."
Dream catchers, night lights,
Melatonin, medication...
None of them have stopped
The nightmares of you.
How can I explain to a lover
Why I cry in my sleep?
Or that it's not his fault
I cringe from his touch?
No, this crime...
I can never escape from.
And no soap or scrub
Can wash away the film
You left on my body.
A film so thin, it's invisible
To everyone.
But me.
Nov 19, 2020
Nov 19, 2020 at 3:52 PM UTC
If you go slow, you'll feel
How my body reacts
To your gentle touches.
If you close your eyes,
You'll feel my back arch
And the shivers on my skin.
My moans are softer,
But even more desperate.
I beg for more tenderness.
Fast is physically good
For you, but gentle
Is emotional for me.
Jan 8, 2017
Jan 8, 2017 at 12:30 PM UTC
My hair, knotted in your clenched fist,
Passion. Pure and raw.
Your taste, on my lips, in my mouth.
Skin. Bodies glistening.
My scent around your mouth,
Moans. Soft, desperate.
Your warmth fills my body.
My reward. "Good girl."
Jan 6, 2017
Jan 6, 2017 at 3:10 AM UTC
Friendships are more difficult
Because you can't find an easy way
To separate love from lust.
A hug is never just that...
Because for just a split second,
You can feel the connection, the trust.
You project an air of sensuality.
You can't help it...
It's in your talk, walk, the way you move.
Your rawness scares them.
It makes you unique, different.
And they're left craving only you.
They think it's a good thing
Because you're blessed with the body.
You could make men fall at your feet.
But you don't.
Kind, gentle, soft, you're not of this world.
Paradise is where your mind and body meet.
You will always be a heartbreak away
From the anger men will impose
On your delicate soul.
In the end, you'll be alone
Because you fear intimacy.
My Perfect Angel, whose heart he stole.
Sep 6, 2016
Sep 6, 2016 at 2:06 AM UTC
She was my own Atropos.
Eyes dark like belladonna's berry.
Her breath gave me life,
Her shears were slowly closing.
I waited every night for Atropa Belladonna,
But flowers only bloom by day.
I knew that she could never be
Mine only...my Deadly Nightshade.
So I let her go. By day, she is another's.
But only 'til the midnight hour...
When I am hers and she is mine.
And the night is forever ours.
Sep 3, 2016
Sep 3, 2016 at 11:44 PM UTC
Forever yours, I was never mine.
Born to love you, I'll never escape
From your grasp. But...I don't want to.
You're my final destination, my fate.
Our first kiss masked our pasts.
Years of tragedy and mistakes.
Moving on is just another man
Until we can be together again.
Crying over you and a wound
That was never meant to mend.
Trying to ignore the passion that lingers...
We could never be just friends.
Sep 3, 2016
Sep 3, 2016 at 9:55 PM UTC
Another tally on my scoreboard.
It was only supposed to have one,
But now, there were four diagonal lines.
Twenty x "now what have you done?"
We pretended there was a chance,
But every mark after III was a pawn.
A new player in my game of control,
Facing guns that were already drawn.
Sharp breath, arched back, closed eyes.
Each time, I felt something new.
His scent, his breath, his voice...
But none of it was what I felt with you.
Number 8 had tattoos and baby blues.
A first for both, but so much more.
He was 1 for the first date, first time.
...Does that make me a *****
I'll always hate the number 10
Because I woke up to him touching me.
He promised it was "just cuddling."
I still got insomnia out of necessity.
"Look in my eyes, don't say a word."
Number 18, passion, attraction, allure.
My biggest secret was that I loved him.
And...he was my teacher.
Secrets and embarrassments.
More reasons for regret.
Let me show you the truest part of me:
Ruined by men, both evil and passionate.
Sep 2, 2016
Sep 2, 2016 at 9:23 AM UTC