When you sit in your room and cry,
You can't blame me,
For I did nothing wrong.
When you decide that you don't want to go to school,
You can't face their taunts and teases,
You can't blame me.
When you find that the one person that you trusted, turned against you,
You can't blame me,
For I did nothing wrong.
When you find me sitting here,
My blood barely seeping through my hallowing veins,
You can't blame me,
For I just found an escape.
But you see,
While you can't blame me for any of these things,
I can...
Nov 6, 2014
Nov 6, 2014 at 4:26 AM UTC
There are so many people that could just make you or break you,
The constant remarks and snickers from other girls that you are too fat,
You stop eating all together,
How could people be so obnoxious?
If you're not a size 6 you are not good looking,
You won't eat again until you are just skin and bones,
You won't ever be as perfect as those models, NEVER.
You develop a constant obsession with being perfect,
When really you can't see what you are doing to yourself.
Others around you notice but choose to ignore.
When one day you have a fight with your mother in public,
She calls you 'A stupid, ugly, anorexic bitch',
But this deosn't sting anymore because you are so used to abuse from her,
She frequently tries to run you out of the family,
Not even caring that you are her own flesh and blood,
Her fear controls her,
The fear of having one of 'those' people in her family overrules her judgment,
The times you needed her she turned her back,
Every action you did made her loath you even more,
She puts in a face to please those around her,
But you know the real her,
And your are ashamed to call her, but still do,
Your mother.
May 30, 2014
May 30, 2014 at 7:22 AM UTC
The more you push me away, the worse it gets.
You make it worse.
The worse it gets, the more it hurts.
You hurt me.
The more it hurts, the harder it gets.
You make it hard.
It gets harder and harder and I just can't seem to cope anymore.
You made me do it.
You pushed and pushed me until I broke.
You shall one day break from the pressure of holding it in,
All alone.
You shall one day break just as you broke me.
May 29, 2014
May 29, 2014 at 6:34 AM UTC
This glass wall,
It holds me back,
So I'm stuck here,
Off the track.
I don't know how I got here,
It's been a long time in the coming,
Although I lack in the courage,
Still I keep going and going.
Until one day I gave up,
I couldn't fight it any more,
This overwhelming black darkness,
Just bashing at my door.
I don't know why I let it in,
I didn't have the energy I suppose,
For I have been knocked down,
Weak for, only god knows.
It creeps through my veins,
Like poison eating away,
The life drained out of me,
No energy at any time of day.
For life without you,
Would be this way,
I hope I have the ability,
To outlive this day.
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 8:03 AM UTC
If you take away my poetry,
That would be the end,
Destroying along with it a part of me,
That would never be fixable again.
It is in my soul,
Part of my life,
For you may as well just hand me,
A bit of rope and a knife.
For I can not live without my escape,
To a far away land,
Where no one can judge you,
For reading a book on the sand.
There are books a plentiful,
And movies to take,
For everyone is trustworthy,
And we make few mistakes.
That's the life I look forward to,
Just look and you'll see,
No one wants to be trapped here,
On this planet for eternity.
So don't take away,
My poetry from me,
It is, in fact,
My last resort at regaining,
My lost sanity.
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 7:48 AM UTC
It’s just a fact that I’m ugly and you’re not.
It’s just a fact that I’m a ***** when you have actually slept with someone.
It’s just a fact that I’m way too fat when you are the perfect size.
It’s just a fact that when I eat I nearly ***** at the sight of food on my plate but you can eat properly.
It’s just a fact that I hate myself too much and now you hate me too.
It’s just the fact that when I eat I hate people watching me but you’re cool with it.
It’s just a fact that you have loving parents and I have nothing.
It’s just a fact that when I go to bed what I mean to say is ‘Let’s go lay down and worry about what everyone thinks about me then let’s go and over-think all of my insecurities and make them 100x worse’.
It’s just a fact that you’re lovable when I never will be.
It’s just a fact that accept yourself when I could never do such a thing.
It’s just a fact that I’m just another ******* ***** up, so why do I bother anyway???
Mar 2, 2014
Mar 2, 2014 at 5:00 AM UTC
Why can’t I forget about you,
The way you forgot about me?
Why do I still care,
Even though you abandoned me?
Why do I still think about you,
When you wouldn’t give two ***** about me?
I remember some things that happened,
Good times, or were they just random dreams?
I need to confirm this,
But I’ve already shut you out of my life.
How can I get through this,
Without betraying the people who took me in,
The people who loved me enough to care?
I need answers.
No matter how much I put you down,
In front of everyone else,
I know that deep down in my heart,
I love you,
And I probably always will.
It doesn’t matter what you did wrong,
We are family and that means that we need to stick together,
Through the good times and the rough patches.
I know you probably hate me right now,
But it is the least I can do to not cry over it.
After all,
Strong people don’t cry,
Crying is a sign of weakness,
I will not be portrayed as weak,
After all I have gone through.
My past is a mystery to most.
I refuse to speak about it, but only to my best friends,
I am tired of not sleeping,
Due to the stressfulness and worry that you cause me.
I stay up all night thinking of how it could have gone,
If you didn’t leave us, for that ***** you cheated on.
She is a dragon, and you married her behind my mother’s back,
You disgust me but I think you punishment is over.
I am sick and tired of all this commotion.
If you will believe me,
I need my father back…
Jan 24, 2014
Jan 24, 2014 at 2:42 AM UTC
** Flashback **
**One day when I was younger,
I was asked what I wanted to be,
When I grew up;
By my mother. **
*I said:
'When I grow up mummy,
I want to be a beautician!'
She said:
'Well munchkin,
Why do you want to be a beautician?'
I replied:
'Mummy?
Isn't it obvious??'
Mummy asked quizzically:
'No, honey,
What's obvious'
'Mummy, I want to be a beautician,
So I can help people,
Make them look beautiful.
Even if I'm not and no one will love me,
I still want other people to be beautiful and happy.' I said in a 'duh' tone of voice.
'Baby daddy loves you and-' she started but I cut her off.
'No mummy! He thinks that I'm ugly and useless! I heard him on the phone! Mummy I know he left because of me!' I started sobbing.
'No baby, you aren't useless and ugly. I will always be here for you and I will always love you. Daddy was just so stupid he doesn't know what he's talking about.' She coed.
I started to calm down but made her promise 'Mummy will you promise me something please?'
'Sure bubba, whatever you want.' She said calmly.
'Mummy, will you pinky promise me that you will always love me and never leave me?' I asked, suddenly nervous.
'Of course I will baby. I will never ever leave you!' She then took my pinky and promised. *
** 2 years later **
I sat in my room sobbing. How was I supposed to look after my brother and me by myself?
** She broke her promise ** was the only thought running through my mind.
She left me and my brother to fend for ourselves. No mother. No father.
She left us for another man.
One I now hated.
She left us for God.
She was ...
** dead **
Nov 24, 2013
Nov 24, 2013 at 4:04 PM UTC
A love so sacred,
So harmless and pure,
Will somehow,
Leave you craving for more.
A pull deep down,
Urging it's way up,
You'll always feel like,
A half empty cup.
For life as we know it,
Will change and spin,
Just another example,
Of the world we live in.
People come and go,
But hearts remain shattered,
Like tiny pieces of glass,
All fragmented and shattered.
I've learnt this the hard way,
So don't be so sure,
About the person you love,
*I've decided to just not love anymore...*
Nov 17, 2013
Nov 17, 2013 at 8:17 PM UTC
You shout at me,
Call me a *****
And keep swearing at me.
I put on an brave face,
Say that I don't care,
Then head to my room, race,
Before the tears fall, This is just not fair.
Your words hurt and sting,
I didn't ask for this,
But your shouts get louder and louder,
You know I'm not listening.
I've lived with you for years now,
You're my guardian for GOD's sake,
But right now i can't even remember,
The last time my smile wasn't fake.
The longer I act,
The easier it gets,
My friends don't even know one fact,
About me, as I keep up with my lies.
I get shunned at school,
For being smart,
I get pushed and shoved,
Like some useless old tool.
They don't know,
How much it hurts,
But I will never free or show,
The pain I keep locked up.
They don't know how much I want to die,
I just scratch and cut and keep scratching myself,
Tonight my brother asked about my marks,
But I just shrugged it off and ate my pie.
They don't know the pain that is the price,
For me just to keep going, live,
But death offers a relief,
One that panadol could never give.
So I lay here confused,
As to what to do next,
Knife at the ready,
Wrist already flexed.
I start cutting for the last time,
Happy to die,
But you find me and start shouting,
And I wonder why??
I watch the tears fall down your face,
You'll never accept me in the same way again,
The blood seepes through my shirt,
Ruining the lace.
*You never cared before,
So why start now*,
These are my last thoughts
As I calmly walk towards the white glowing door.
*Finally gone,
Yes I'm free,
Now I'm finally good enough for someone,
That someone is me...*
Nov 17, 2013
Nov 17, 2013 at 8:11 PM UTC