I am alone. I was alone then, and I am alone now. I cried alone when my lungs felt the first shock of air. I cried of loneliness. I cried alone to the God I denounced when my father fell ill. We all cry alone. I cried alone on an air mattress, frozen in fear at the sound of the heavy breathing hovering above that woke me up to a friend’s brother turned invader. I cried again when a study session put me to sleep and a tutor had more on his mind. When it was over, in silence I cried. For the reasons I cry, I am not the only one, but the control of my tears is mine to hold alone. And I am out of control, and I cry and I cry because I feel so alone. But sometimes I can’t. Sometimes my heart stops, and my mouth sours, and my stomach tries to escape through my pores. Sometimes I can’t talk and I am paralyzed. And sometimes I smack my head on the bathroom floor after a night of blurring the lines. Sometimes I am lost because I am the only hope.
Nov 4, 2013
Nov 4, 2013 at 9:04 PM UTC
I found a box under your bed
you seem ashamed of what it said
I covered my eyes, though it's no surprise
I knew it was there all along
If I tie this note onto a string
will you lift your voice with it and sing?
Our hands coalesce, it's what we do best
Grow to make a better song
I'm sorry it had to happen to you
I'd take it all if I could choose
Just put it on me, so I can see you
With your family
Laughing and joking, happy
You'd be happy
Just put it all on me
Nov 4, 2013
Nov 4, 2013 at 8:57 PM UTC
leaves fall like footsteps
left at the scene of a crime
culprit in plain sight
Jan 19, 2013
Jan 19, 2013 at 11:20 PM UTC
this body is yours to do with what you please
and if you find your hand is creeping;
to separate the knees
in heated pursuit of
that soft skin belonging to her inner thigh
well, what she don't know won't make her cry
and if it was your touch that brought back life
don't let her even question a fate otherwise
for certainly she would rather die
Jan 19, 2013
Jan 19, 2013 at 10:09 PM UTC
A stock image that shows a loading dock partially covered in sand:
A dock rises from dirt to bridge an entrance
The surrounding lake seems placid upon first glance,
But the dilapidated boards clinging to one another in desperation
Allude to the perpetual motion lying beneath the water’s surface
A body of water that at once stretches through an implausibly limitless space,
Past the tattered wooden frame
This spurious snapshot of serenity was developed in black-and-white,
Like my worldview,
And speaks to my sense of limitations in life
To the boundaries of my capacity to exist
Boundaries outlined only by a finite ability to push back
Against the infinite possibilities of every other force
A reminder of how small my life is
In comparison to the universe
Maybe this does mean I am uncomfortable in my own skin after all.
Nov 27, 2012
Nov 27, 2012 at 11:24 PM UTC
You lose it slowly, piece by piece. Whatever bit of purity you thought you had left and that last bit of hope for an effortless race. It doesn’t depart from you in some grand gesture. No, no. It is slowly whittled away by the hands of fine craftsmen. Men who saw the potential you held. Some blows are harder to take than others; time is not always patient with what must go. And you are eager to become something new, while remaining roughly defined. But each chip removed is one you will never get back. You may find yourself longing for a small piece of yourself to return, but you will realize that each tear shed is the first and last of that sliver of self you will see.
Each vision of what you would best become is different, so you must not let too many hands work at once. If you are lucky, your own hands will be freed and image left for you to define. But this may take some foolery, as you must first gain their trust. You will find it difficult to willingly let go of some parts, but it helps to envision their reform into something you want more. Sometimes you are wrong, with no one to blame but yourself. And even if freedom is yours, you may find it is easier to let others carve away, but doing this will make you a foreigner to yourself. The harder you are to form into their desires, the less interest they will have to do so. Only then might you truly be forced to decide for yourself. Only then might they be surprised with what they didn’t know they could find beautiful.
Nov 9, 2012
Nov 9, 2012 at 12:44 AM UTC
your love is like rain on a summer day
at first refreshing but leaving you wishing
for it to soon go away
and like the oceans it fills
that splatters and spills
it is nice over sand and in between shells
but the beauty's misleading
pulling you under for the sharks’ next feeding
and the depths of its darkness
could not parallel
a life that more closely resembles hell.
fall down low
with the flow of the waves
as they change
sea, see how you fool me?
sir, it is a surface
made to drag you down to the sharks
Nov 9, 2012
Nov 9, 2012 at 12:39 AM UTC
Before you know it, you'll find the sound of your roommate's voice while she's talking to her bestie on the phone to be a burgeoning wedge pushing you into retreat. The demands of your work schedule, the hours of studying to be done, the expectations of friends and lovers. They all crowd around you with their false promises of offering a new path, a light of some sort. But in reality they only hover over you with the disparaging lens of a magnifying glass, while blinding you with a searchlight intent on finding remnants of the person they once knew. The sun used to come through in patches and shine down on you in spontaneous beams, but now that flicker is gone. Now you cannot even remember what natural light looks like. You cannot see any path to what you once longed for. Your options and advances dissipate like a sugar cube resting on a tongue; the sweetness of solitude soon gone. This wall they have surrounded you with, under the pretense of comfort, has turned into a treacherous mistress. What was once the pillow that absorbed the weight of your head is now the force blocking your vision and airflow, as you suffocate underneath its weight in exchange. You'll find yourself cowering in a corner with a noose around your neck, the tension so strong that any attempt to move away will only sever your life as you know it. Any movement at all will only tighten the hold. So you must stand completely still.
Aug 21, 2012
Aug 21, 2012 at 2:41 PM UTC
a seed planted grew
but the petals fell that bloomed
swept away by change
Mar 10, 2012
Mar 10, 2012 at 5:09 PM UTC
Water, it spreads so thin
That the fish have nowhere to swim
Sunshine, it tries
To disguise
Renames it, calls it a cloud
Let the fish flop
From side to side
The current time
It brings the tide
Here it comes, spreading death
Flowing by happiness
This dam is damaged
This dam is breaking
A crack is forming
And it is splitting two sides; their bond will be removed
As the current pushes through
Intently pointed dancer’s feet
Navigate a path
Hips paint a melody
Two eyes they meet
Two eyes alike
Four eyes, they hide
Currents behind
This dam is damaged
This dam is breaking
A crack is forming
And it is splitting two sides; their bond will be removed
As the current pushes through
Push
Push on me
Push on you
Push on me
Push on through
Jun 10, 2011
Jun 10, 2011 at 12:58 AM UTC