Your fingers don't look like fingers anymore. In their place I see something lethal, with a trigger attached to it. You pull it. The roots of my inner most being implode. As that caves in so does my ratiocination. Everything is succumb to the sound of the shot. But my body. It's paralyzed. Numb to anything real but the trickle of tears that run down my face. I fall into cardiac tamponade. Asphyxiated in my very own skin, where your shrapnel likes to call home.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 11:33 PM UTC
Outsiders can come at me any moment of the day. With looks and actions. In a instant, my day is effected by these people. I now have changed my life to suit them. They have power over me. I'm never good enough or I'm never doing it right. So I walk on the other side. I keep my head down. I don't speak. I don't eat. This is their world. They never stop. They never end. you learn to deal.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 11:26 PM UTC
I am lost. I feel myself.
Fragment by fragment, I leave. I go.
Rhizo.
Roots.
They are in me.
I fear water. For they feed on it.
Its inevitable to avoid, For I will die in thirst.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 11:16 PM UTC
I tell myself that I'm numb.But why would I tell myself that. Unless I actually feel everything. As a wall.
I don't.
I do not feel anything. I am not numb. I'm just caught. Between a state. Of here, but not home.
The sounds around me file into a vertex. Then to a point. Then to a haze. Then it swallows me.
Then rejects me. Like a invasive intruder.
It goes back to a point.
Then I'm back.
Eyes no longer stale.
Back in my body.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 11:14 PM UTC
How insulting to You, precious Lord, I have been.
My efforts are spent seeking to please merely men.
Although, they're as imperfect and lowly as I,
Yet, I’ve held their unworthy opinions too high.
When my attention should be set firmly on You,
Who appreciates all that I am and I do.
It wavers when I look into judgmental eyes
And fear of mistakes creates Your presence’ disguise.
Consuming frustration! I will never be free,
If I try to determine what they think and see.
Genuine satisfaction can only be found
After losing myself in a worship unbound.
My heart’s open to You but to man it is sealed.
Only there, my perfection through Christ is revealed.
Apr 15, 2017
Apr 15, 2017 at 9:04 PM UTC
"La noche buena se viene,
La noche buena se va,
Y nosotros nos iremos
Y no volveremos mas."
-- Old Villancico.
Sweet evenings come and go, love,
They came and went of yore:
This evening of our life, love,
Shall go and come no more.
When we have passed away, love,
All things will keep their name;
But yet no life on earth, love,
With ours will be the same.
The daisies will be there, love,
The stars in heaven will shine:
I shall not feel thy wish, love,
Nor thou my hand in thine.
A better time will come, love,
And better souls be born:
I would not be the best, love,
To leave thee now forlorn.
Apr 12, 2017
Apr 12, 2017 at 1:27 PM UTC
Two lovers by a moss-grown spring:
They leaned soft cheeks together there,
Mingled the dark and sunny hair,
And heard the wooing thrushes sing.
O budding time!
O love's blest prime!
Two wedded from the portal stept:
The bells made happy carolings,
The air was soft as fanning wings,
White petals on the pathway slept.
O pure-eyed bride!
O tender pride!
Two faces o'er a cradle bent:
Two hands above the head were locked:
These pressed each other while they rocked,
Those watched a life that love had sent.
O solemn hour!
O hidden power!
Two parents by the evening fire:
The red light fell about their knees
On heads that rose by slow degrees
Like buds upon the lily spire.
O patient life!
O tender strife!
The two still sat together there,
The red light shone about their knees;
But all the heads by slow degrees
Had gone and left that lonely pair.
O voyage fast!
O vanished past!
The red light shone upon the floor
And made the space between them wide;
They drew their chairs up side by side,
Their pale cheeks joined, and said, "Once more!"
O memories!
O past that is!
Apr 12, 2017
Apr 12, 2017 at 1:27 PM UTC
If you sit down at set of sun
And count the acts that you have done,
And, counting, find
One self-denying deed, one word
That eased the heart of him who heard,
One glance most kind
That fell like sunshine where it went --
Then you may count that day well spent.
But if, through all the livelong day,
You've cheered no heart, by yea or nay --
If, through it all
You've nothing done that you can trace
That brought the sunshine to one face--
No act most small
That helped some soul and nothing cost --
Then count that day as worse than lost.
Apr 12, 2017
Apr 12, 2017 at 1:26 PM UTC
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her ******* are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks,
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know,
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
Apr 12, 2017
Apr 12, 2017 at 1:22 PM UTC
Sometimes I ponder death.
Not just my own ,but my loved ones.
I analyze the avalanche that follows absence.
I have lost things I have loved.
But at least their chests still lift as they sleep.
Even then, that loss puts me on the verge.
What will send me over is the official leave.
The leave that I fear most.
The leave that will damage me so bad, I will become the thing that gives us life. Lungs. I will be a lung. Just a lung. I will shakily intake oxygen and exhale a stale breath.
With every exhale I will fade a little more each time.
When my lungs fail me....I don't know.
In my life my loved ones are where my entire being is.
If I leave , my thoughts will be on them.
I don't want them to be consumed by a *****
I don't want to be faded and I don't want them to become the definition of oblivion.
Apr 12, 2017
Apr 12, 2017 at 1:19 PM UTC