You are beautiful to me,
and i never told you this
but the way your scars
light up in the sun just
proves to me everyday of
how incredibly hurt you are,
and i hope it's not because of
me because that would break
my heart into a billion pieces.
and i pray that one day you
will open your eyes
and realize that what you're
doing to yourself isn't right
because you deserve the world
and i know that your cuts
sting because mine do, too.
but we can mend eachother's
wounds while lying on the beautiful
quilt your mother made the day before
she killed herself
as we watch sad movies at two in the morning,
crying our poor little selves to sleep.
not only crying because the movies
are devastating but because our
lives are.
the desire to want something better
for ourselves is torturing,
because we all know
that'll never happen.
Apr 29, 2015
Apr 29, 2015 at 10:58 AM UTC
For those that are "just tired" and
have nothing to look
forward to:
there's someone out there
that will fill the hole in your broken
heart.
you just have to find them.
this is for those that think that
scarring their skin is more beautiful
than the world we live in.
for those that lost their virginity,
like me, at age 15, on a cold bed, with
someone who has even colder eyes.
someone that had no right to take
something so precious- so valuable-
away from us.
someone you thought you knew
so well, but at that very moment, he
turned into a complete stranger.
this is for those who spend every
waking moment, romanticizing about
suicide, constantly thinking about when they're
going to try again.
"I love you. I support you. You are important.
Live. Smile" :)
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 1:39 PM UTC
if my eyes could speak
they would tell you how many
battles i've lost.
there's scars lining my thighs
and wrists to prove it.
they would tell you about my favorite
books, how i feel about
all time low, lillies, and you.
if my eyes could speak,
one look would say everything.
about how my ghost is surrounding
him in the distance,
watching his every move, and how
i feel some sort of rush
when i cut myself shaving.
if my eyes could speak,
my mouth would have nothing
to say.
Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 3:15 PM UTC
They say "you're one-in-a-million."
but when you think about it,
there really is someone that's
exactly like you. They know how
you feel.
A lot of people feel like they
can't go on, because something
terrible has happened to them;
a lot of people cut themselves
wide open because they think they're
not good enough. Because they
want to feel;
A lot of people stand in front
of the bathroom mirror, lift their
shirt up, and pinch the "fat" that
is not there; they're blind to see
that their body is already
nothing but bone;
A lot of people know what it's
like to feel the way you do.
Choose to feel the
opposite.
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 2:05 PM UTC
Dear Everyone,
One day, you're going to find me lying there, not breathing. Or you will receive a phone call, or you're gonna hear it on the morning announcements. Maybe the principal will arrange an assembly. You're going to look up the signs, and think "all the signs were there. I should have known." You'll talk to someone about it. They'll tell you it wasn't your fault. That you couldn't have done anything to help me or stop me. And that's true. But what you could have done was just listen to me. That's all I needed. Now, it's too late. I can't say that I'm not happy that I'm about to remove myself from this earth, because I am more than happy. I never meant to hurt any of you. But y'all have to understand that when I needed you, you were not there.
Dad. The last thing that I want is for you to think that I left this world hating you, because I didn't. Yes, I resented you for many reasons, because at first you refused to believe me about what Tyler did to me. He hurt me. You refused to give me the protection a father is supposed to give. I'm not saying that you were a terrible father, because everyone makes mistakes. I also resented you for cheating on Janie-- and I'm not saying that it was all your fault, because I know that she did the same thing, but you still had your part in it. Our family wasn't perfect, but it was good enough, and that's all that mattered. But your careless decisions ruined everything. For all of us.
Mom. As much as I want to hate you for leaving us, I can't. Because whether you want to accept it or not- you are my mother. I didn't think that's much to ask for. I just wanted you there. And you weren't. And you can't possibly know how hard that is for me. I'm 18 years old; you have missed my entire life, and now all the sudden you need more chances. One chance is enough. Maybe two. But now it's too late because after this letter, I won't be here. I could go on and on about how I feel, but the letter would never have an ending.
Chase, (biological brother) you abuse me in every way possible. You treated me like an animal. Ripped off my wings, and still expected me to fly. I want you to know, with all my heart, that no matter what you did to me, there is still a place in my broken heart for you to fill. You are my brother. And I'm not sure that what I'm about to do will hurt you, but if it does, I'm sorry, but I can't keep living like this. You are my everything, Chase. And I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to hurt me anymore either.
Amanda, (dad's girlfriend) You cheated on my dad back in 2014, after all my family has done for you. We provided a home for you and your three kids, a car, everything. I wouldn't say that we regret any of it, but we didn't deserve what you did. But I want you to know that I forgive you. As for dad and Chase-- I can't speak for them. I love you and your children with my whole heart, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
I know that this is the most selfish think anyone can do, but if that's what it takes to end my pain, then that's how it has to be.
Tyler, I want to thank you for putting me through what you did, because it made me who I am-- well, who I was. It hurt, yes. You holding me down, ****** me. The pressure you held me down with was unbelievable. You burning me with a hot curling iron in places you'd never imagine. Introducing me to drugs, and shooting me up with them. April 17, 2011 was a day of nothing but torture. You are legally psychotic for what you did to me. No one in their right mind would do something so drastic, so painful, so real. Especially to someone you're supposed to care about. There's only one explanation for why you did what you did. You don't know how to love. You try but you show it in the wrong ways. For years, I've put the blame on myself. You know why? Because you just don't do that to people you love. Yes. I said it: I loved you. Sometimes I think I still do.
Corey. (step brother) I tried not to hate you for making me play those games with you when I was 7. Doctor. I hated that game.. yet you still forced me to play. Now, I always think "why would you do that to a child. Much less your sister. Just think about that when you're visiting my grave. If you choose to spit on it, then do it. I can't stop you, I'm six feet into the ground.
Kaylin, you were my best friend and I told you everything, from my abuse as a child to now. I chose drugs and Tyler over you. And you turned your back on me, leaving me without a best friend. But you don't deserve what I did. You've been there since day one, and I'm sorry it has come to this and I'm sure it won't be easy for you-- or any of you at that. I'm really sorry to say this, but killing myself will be easy for me, because it's all I've ever wanted to do, all I ever hoped for.
Mar 31, 2015
Mar 31, 2015 at 7:08 PM UTC
I hate it when people tell me
That I don't have a reason to be sad,
and that there's no possible explanation
of why i can't be happy.
telling me that i can't be sad
because someone else may
have it worse,
is just like saying I can't be happy,
because someone else may have it better.
no one has a clue about
what goes on in my head on a
daily basis.
No one has a clue about how i feel when
i slice my skin open while watching
the blood pour out of me, like it's nothing.
Like i'm nothing.
no one has a clue about the
whispers in my ears when i'm trying
to sleep.
no one has a clue, because they don't care to know,
yet i don't care to tell.
Mar 31, 2015
Mar 31, 2015 at 12:02 PM UTC
This is for those that think that
scarring their skin is
more beautiful than
the world we live in.
Mar 31, 2015
Mar 31, 2015 at 11:10 AM UTC