I want to know what people see,
I'll never see myself clearly.
My brain changes and contorts my body,
I'll
**** in my stomach till I can't breathe,
Nothing but high waisted skinny jeans,
No tight shirts, dresses, or bikinis.
I'm
too wide in the waist
too broad in the shoulders
too chubby in the fingers
too full in the cheeks
And
I'll never see what people see
I'll never see what makes me, me.
Aug 15, 2019
Aug 15, 2019 at 9:22 PM UTC
i'd write your name in my skin
i'd hold my breath and never give in
you'd pick a fight just so you could win
i don't want to love you, i don't want to let you in
i'm malleable, you're manipulative.
i'd write your name in my flesh
you laugh at me and all your mess
you see everyone as breakable test
(and you saw me as less)
icanfeeltheburnofeverykiss
andyourcheekburnsatrenchinmychest
i dropped everything, everyone, all for you
i thought i was blinded by light, but i was blinded by you
the center grew dark and i lost my way
if it were so soon, i'd crawl back on my knees
i'd forget what i had lost, i'd forget what i had seen
butnowi'mdrainedfromthedrug
andnowi'mclean
Feb 16, 2019
Feb 16, 2019 at 3:02 PM UTC
i want time to turn back
just a few hours
when your head was in my lap
or when you stood like a tower
and hit your head on the chandelier like light.
when you kiss me your hands roam
and sometimes i kiss with my teeth
because i’m smiling too hard
because i’m so **** happy.
i love it when you lean on me
i don’t mind my arm going numb
or even if you elbow me
as long as you’re laying all over me.
when you talk about leaving for boot camp
i can’t look at your face
my eyes get too watery
and i don’t want you to see me cry.
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 11:58 PM UTC
I don't hear Your voice like others say they do
I'm wandering around my life without a clue
It feels like I'm living my life without You.
Even when I pray, it's hard to pick the right thing to say
And sometimes I don't bother at the end of the day
Because I feel like You're just slipping away.
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 3:03 PM UTC
Have You abandoned me?
I followed You endlessly
I followed You blindly
Have You been ignoring me?
Can You not hear when I weep?
Are my prayers too hard to keep?
Have You abandoned us?
I think You've lost our trust,
You've lost my trust.
Jan 3, 2019
Jan 3, 2019 at 2:52 AM UTC
Looks don't mean much to me
I am in love with your personality,
even if it sounds like a lie, it's not.
You couldn't think of specific reasons why you love me,
And I can't blame you, you were put on the spot.
I love that toothy smile you always do
When you laugh and say, "I love you."
To me, it all really means a lot.
I love how you always want to hold my hand,
or how your foot is crooked when your stand.
When you leaned on me at the movies,
and you cradled my hands, I've never felt so safe.
Dec 25, 2018
Dec 25, 2018 at 8:48 PM UTC
There will be days when the world is nothing but against you
There will be days when the current seems too rough
There will be days when you question all of what you knew
There will be days when you feel that you've had enough
There will be days when you feel as if you have no clue
Dec 24, 2018
Dec 24, 2018 at 10:08 PM UTC
Sometimes I don't feel like going on anymore
Sometimes I wish that man would have never dragged me to the shore
Sometimes I wish life didn't feel like such a chore
Sometimes I don't feel like going on anymore
Sometimes I don't feel like getting out of bed
I'm tired of people telling me this is all in my head
"You're life is all good, you are clothed, you are fed!
You're life is all good, you are lucky enough to have a bed!"
I just keep everything I want to say left unsaid,
You wouldn't try to understand, you'd just be disappointed.
So sometimes, I don't feel like getting out of bed.
Sometimes I don't feel like getting dressed
I don't want to change my clothes and I'll leave my hair a nest.
I don't even want to shower, sometimes, that's something else I'll confess.
With my room a mess, and while I'm not feeling my best,
Sometimes I don't feel like getting dressed.
Sometimes I forget to eat
My appetite has disappeared, my appetite is depleted.
You could bribe me with my favorite food, or a treat
My appetite still wouldn't recover, I still wouldn't want to eat.
My stomach will churn sickly at the thought of food, my legs will feel weak.
Sometimes, I forget to eat.
Sometimes I don't want to answer my phone.
It's nothing personal, I just "want" to be alone.
I say I need to figure things out on my own
And you wouldn't want to hear me complain and groan
I know I shouldn't isolate myself so I am alone.
But sometimes,
Sometimes I don't want to answer my phone.
I want to isolate myself until you have a reason to leave
I've always been the best at ruining everything
With my self destructive tendencies
Dec 20, 2018
Dec 20, 2018 at 11:39 PM UTC
i will stay silent
i will bore you
i am an island
you are not included
(yet)
i've told you more than i've ever told others
i want to say more, but i don't want to smother
i don't want to say too much
i don't want to be left with regret
but i don't want us to lose touch
i just don't know how to connect
Dec 20, 2018
Dec 20, 2018 at 3:19 PM UTC
I was (am)
Brainwashed
Conditioned
Indoctrinated
Into believing in a God that
Can’t hear us
Into praying to a God that
Can’t hear us
Into fearing a God that
Can’t hear us
I find comfort in my conditioned beliefs
Like a safety blanket, I find peace
I just wonder why God chooses to ignore me (us)
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 9:45 PM UTC