"I am so lonely
and alone
my sadness
is my tomb”
Said the 12 year old girl
that watches shows of suicide
but only has a 1/6250 chance of
dying like the girls on those shows.
Even if she attempted to go through with it
the odds of succeeding are
1/25.
Oh boy,
it’s hard for young girls
to die.
I myself
usually only deal with odds of
1/1,000,000
but i’m more of a thrill seeker
than a mathematician.
But a lot more recently
i’ve been thinking about
odds
much more along the lines of
one in
6250.
Apr 10, 2017
Apr 10, 2017 at 1:34 AM UTC
Do you remember
That day before the day
You died.
I had yet to cry
And yet already cried.
How would I know
It'd be the last time.
A kiss upon your nose
Barely a goodbye.
I didn't know
I didn't know it'd be
The last time.
If I did I would've stayed
And waited for the time.
To too quickly slip
Beyond your mind
And take you away from me
As I held you close
Forging your soul with mine
Mar 15, 2017
Mar 15, 2017 at 8:19 PM UTC
I seek fulfillment
while I
die
trying to deny
these demons.
People use the phrase
“It’s all in your head”
and
what if it is?
What if it is?
Is that any better?
Inside isn’t a place to hide
it’s a beacon
to our reality
everything we see
is simply reflected from the outside to the in
endlessly.
Unless I end it.
Unless I think of a way
to fend them off.
I can’t
but I will.
All I’ve got left is will
will and that
half filled bottle of pills
but not the ones prescribed
the ones that tie my hands behind my back
and leave me ******* the **** of life for more.
It’s ok
don’t worry
it’s all only
a metaphor.
All except the title
I’d be dead
if not entitled.
I riddle my lies and empty my ties in the river of tears that i’ve cried as i lie in bed in the midst of the night
kissing my fright alight.
Sparks fly
but I can’t end it.
My dog Sparks died
but I pretend he didn’t
As words float around my mind
sounding (a lot like)
schizophrenic.
I end it.
Feb 26, 2017
Feb 26, 2017 at 5:22 PM UTC
I've been abused
Bla bla bla
My life's been *****
Bla bla bla
Nothing's the same
Bla bla bla
I tremor as I sleep in chains
Bla bla bla
My waking dreams and nightmares are the same
Bla bla bla
Last night I tried to **** myself in the rain
Bla bla bla
The trauma might get better but will never go away (fully change)
Bla bla bla
My brother died last week
Bla bla bla
He left me this ring
Bla bla bla
I wore it straight unto the grave
Bla bla bla
And never once told I'm gay
You're gay?
Oh god...
Anything
But gay
Feb 24, 2017
Feb 24, 2017 at 10:50 PM UTC
I've been abused
Bla bla bla
My life's been *****
Bla bla bla
Nothing's the same
Bla bla bla
I tremor as I sleep in chains
Bla bla bla
My waking dreams and nightmares are the same
Bla bla bla
Last night I tried to **** myself in the rain
Bla bla bla
The trauma might get better but will never go away (fully change)
Bla bla bla
My brother died last week
Bla bla bla
He left me this ring
Bla bla bla
I wore it straight unto the grave
Bla bla bla
And never once told I'm gay
You're gay?
Oh god...
Anything
But gay
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 12:40 AM UTC
The trees
used to sing with the wind
before He got here.
The salty ocean water
would gently shush us
all to sleep.
Now that He’s here
ships are sinking like
our dreams:
immediately.
Ever since He arrived
Candles no longer light the way,
They burn bridges
and build unimaginable walls
in their wake.
Plutonium
is no longer
radioactive.
Radioactivity
is relative.
Everything now glows a
sickly hue,
brought on
by His discolored
rotting views.
Air Earth Water Fire Aether
The eternal marriage
of Air
and the Earth
has faltered
under the guise of
conversion
“therapy”
Water has now
made itself undrinkable to all
but the chosen few.
Fire is now
Only Orange.
The Aether
is no longer empty.
It is filled
with all our memories.
It is the only place
for all of our bodies to go
now that we’re bound for soot,
inhabitable soil
and eternal
nuclear snow.
Air Earth Water Fire Aether
are now
GreatAgainGreatAgainGreatAgainGreatAgainGreatAgain
There are lots of avenues
through history
to travel down “again.”
Many views of former greatness.
Slavery
Holocausts
Massacres
Cities Lost
and it all starts
with an immigration ban.
Signed on the day
remembering
my dozens of dead family.
My millions slaughtered endlessly.
Here we are
At the beginning.
History supposedly repeats itself
Let’s not let Him
Jan 28, 2017
Jan 28, 2017 at 8:57 PM UTC
days go by
like drunk children in their
mothers womb.
I’m fishing in a pond
filled with nothing but alcohol.
It feels good
but I haven’t found any fishies yet.
I guess this is what
transitioning to your 20s feels like:
three weeks of settling into your new place,
thinking you have quite a few opportunities ahead of you
and then settling into your slightly bigger than before bed
only to stay there for hours upon hours a day
scrolling through nothing on the computer
hoping for more to come your way.
I’m trying to eat like a poor person
but I’m only poor in spirit,
financially i’m fat as a double sized donkey.
I’ve got a big ***
but it’s a nice ***
but i still wear
baggy jeans
and all black
to hide my
assets.
I wonder if i’ll look back on this transition period
with regrets.
The days fluctuate
some are
time so well spent.
Others are
just as dry as paint,
the stuff of art
but probably just as useless
as recoloring a picket fence.
Jan 28, 2017
Jan 28, 2017 at 7:58 PM UTC
I reigned down a
million little planes.
I fought in all the wars.
Once I was done with my
enemies
nothing was ever the same.
I terrorized.
I was the face of real evil.
There were no ulterior motives.
I was the face of pure evil
for evils sake.
There was no reason. I
Killed all of them
every last one
I watched stone-cold
emotionless
absolutely neutral
as each of them
grimaced
at the horror
that was
the end.
And I opened my eyes at my cubicle desk
stretched a little as my
five minute break came to a close
and started once again
typing
feeling slightly better
but still waiting for 5 o clock.
Jan 28, 2017
Jan 28, 2017 at 7:40 PM UTC
I see a sea
Gradually creeping up
On me.
I feel a fear
stiffly forging
A path to my (mind).
I hear a high
Can only bring you down
So much before
You die.
These terrors keep creeping
As the crypt keeper keeps crypt creeping,
Trying to find a sign.
Trying to find A sign that
He's alive.
He sees nothing but
Resemblance
Between his life
And the mortified faces
Of the no-more-mortal morgue men.
The crypt keepers life is mortifying.
He'd **** himself but
He sees the same
Between the dead
And dying.
He rides his dead eyed
Horse between his house
And the morgue.
Little does he know
He has no home anymore.
The cryptic crypt keeper keeps keeping me awake.
The mortified men are just laughing at their stake.
I arrive at the door
The pearly gray gates.
Knock in hope for more
Waiting out my fate.
Ding **** the bell tolls
Throughout this
Measured mystic landscape.
Death as in a dream,
Answers immediately.
Why am I here!
I chime out solemnly.
You've been here for years
Death responds to me.
For as long as I've crept and
creeped anyway.
Death is the crypt keeper
I question, exasperated
What else would I be
Doing here
He sighs slovenly
He pulls a chord
Opens the door
And steps aside
Waiting for me.
I died?
Only if you walk inside
The one way gates
To the other side
Of this miraculous night
He cries.
I walk the line
Between there and life
Free of fear
For the first time
Finally.
He smiles,
And says
"I lied"
Through his Death filled
Shroud, all smiley.
"You've made it son"
He says as he pulls back his hood
Revealing
Not Death
But Light.
.....
Jan 28, 2017
Jan 28, 2017 at 7:36 PM UTC
The most beautiful sight
I've ever seen?
It was a
White light sort of day
And I was walking through
A small passageway
On the sidewalk
Put up for construction
With the
Beautiful view of the Manhattan skyline
Suddenly sitting within
The view of my eyes.
It was the
Stillness after a long day
That really enraptured me
As I was finally free
And alone with the view.
For I had just come from hell
And had to go back there soon.
Jan 28, 2017
Jan 28, 2017 at 5:06 PM UTC