Those darker days came around and left me spiraling out of control.
More often then not, my finger hovered over your contact but my pride wouldn't let me call for anything.
When you tell me you love me, I feel my chest tightening because I can't maintain a normal heart rate.
You give me anxiety.
Every time you walk away, I step an inch further off this cliff.
You think I don't care when I shut down but that's me stopping myself from self destructing.
You destroy me in the best way possible, I just can't understand how you did it.
It's almost like you found the key to my pandora box.
I need your voice.
I miss your touch.
I want you here.
Your kisses make me lose my breath, but I crave them after each and every one.
I don't know how you do it.
I can't control these feelings I have for you even though I should.
So when you ask me what did I come back for, my reason is obvious.
I have no control.
Sep 6, 2018
Sep 6, 2018 at 12:33 AM UTC
I haven’t eaten in days and my blood pressure is steadily spiraling downward.
Inconsistent pulsation behind my eyes keeps me awake throughout the nights.
What is wrong with me?
Why am I like this?
Repeated questions runs laps but I can’t grasp this concept of normality or whatever you may refer to as modern culture.
So as a result, I suffer.
I don’t think like you do.
Loving is confusing because I’m not even sure what it means to me, if it’s even right for me.
My mind is as complicated as an ***** with the wrong valves.
Sure, I feel something, but in a different aspect of emotional volume.
The same energies flows through me, but I’m not sure of how to let it all out the way you would.
It’s almost like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while colorblind.
Maybe this is what I’m here for;
Trying to find a way to smile while experiencing low levels of confidence.
But I manage and no one thinks anything of the lonely days and empty nights.
I can’t find my humanity.
Im always trying to escape the truth of knowing that there’s nothing better.
Maybe I’m a psychopath.
Maybe I don’t fit in with the crowd.
Whatever it is knows me better than I seem to know myself.
But no one listens.
So what do I do when they don’t hear the cries?
Give up begging for help or just deal with the agony?
Never mind for now, reality is fading away once again.
I can get lost in my mind for a little while now and not worry about anything,
Because by the time someone hears the cries, it’ll be too late.
Sep 6, 2018
Sep 6, 2018 at 12:32 AM UTC
Like the last fire ember keeping is warm
For it is our only chance to survive
Fading
Like a generation of people
Killing rather than nurturing
Fading
Like a little boy's life
Running away from his future
As his past haunts him
And he cannot escape
Fading
Substance is the only way for him to get away
Pain is the only emotion he feels
Fading
Physical abuse wearing him down
Weeping his way to sleep
Fading
Food doesn't come often
Blatant neglect turns to crime
Fading
Empty, cuffed in the backseat
On the road to his new life
Fading
Jumpsuits were his only wardrobe
Though 3 meals a day were beneficial
Fading
In need of substance once again
Craving was intended this time
Fading
Lying there, cold
No more pain to feel now
Fading
As the sun behind the ocean
New life beyond the clouds
Fading
Like footsteps on the shore
Never to come back again
Mar 28, 2015
Mar 28, 2015 at 3:07 PM UTC
I can admit, In the end I didn't love you to my fullest potential
That's probably why I keep writing about how much I miss you
How it could be all way better if I was still with you
Now I'm just wondering if I'll ever have the chance again to kiss you
Because loving you always stays afloat up in my mental
But maybe it just wasn't enough, maybe I was too gentle
Now I'm feeling more guilty because you're saying you're resentful
But none of this would've happened if we would've just continued
So when you leave, can you take all of the pain with you
Because my soul hurts, and when you leave that's when the pain hits you
I never knew being in love was such a big issue
But now my heart is crying out, and I think I need a tissue
Mar 28, 2015
Mar 28, 2015 at 3:06 PM UTC
Adventurous thoughts of love died last year
As new beginnings emerge
Like a rose through concrete, avoiding any and every obstacle
Fate so ever more precious
Let me explore your mind through the deepest realms of your world
I wanna view your most horrific nightmares and luminous dreams
Let me touch your soul
The sacred barrier to your heart
And leave you with an extraordinary feeling, one you'd diminish yourself if ever forgotten
Let us trade visions so you can see how beautiful you are
In my eyes, you hold the pedestal and that could never be taken from you
Let me define love to you, something other men can't quite get right
Yet I've found the perfect way, and would be thrilled to show you
Mar 28, 2015
Mar 28, 2015 at 3:04 PM UTC
Lust isn't blind
You come over for a reason
Maybe your insecurities are guiding you away from him
Or maybe it's your mind telling your heart otherwise
The simple things can't show you what you want in life
Maybe that's why you're here with me
This excitement of spontaneity gives you a thrill that's influencing you
You've never experienced anything like it
But it feels so right
And when you leave you realize
I'm not your boyfriend
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 1:00 PM UTC
We’re gonna save the kissing for something real
These are just temporary emotions
They'll go away once you leave
And then I usually forget you until next time comes around
It's seems so real though
The sweat and tension brings it alive
Maybe it's what we crave out of each other
I've felt this way before
It's hard to come across because it's internally deep
And I sometimes I get lured in so far
These feelings can't be real
But my heart is getting itself involved
This is what's confusing me
You never get the real feeling until it's gone
Maybe I've been blind from the start
It seems the benefits aren't all I wanted
Maybe all along, I've simply wanted you
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 12:58 PM UTC
You can't break something that is already broken
And you can't hurt someone who has no feelings
Being numb is how I live
Catastrophes don't phase me
You don't phase me
I don't take it personal anymore
Love is like a business
If you get your feelings involved, you won't last
Only the strong survive
You can't even bare half of what I've been through
Girl, I've been through it all
Being cheated on by the love of your life might give you a meltdown
And getting ran out on something you thought was special might leave you crazed
Yet this is only the beginning
And I'm still here
Now I don't have anything inside me
Sooner or later, the game will have you
I've been through it, and then learned it
You'll learn it consumes you
Either play the game, or get played
It happens to everyone
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 12:57 PM UTC
I made love to her through you
That's why I kept my eyes closed
Biting my tongue to keep the screams of her name inside
Her love has its own category, separating her from other women
Her touch is poised with a residue so potent, you get lost into her universe
The way she moves hypnotizes my mind, it incinerates my vision of any other love
Her kisses are lifeless, but they absorb your soul
She's inevitable
So when I close my eyes, be sure to know she has my life in her hands
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 4:09 AM UTC
I’ve realized the hardest thing to do is to let go of something you love
But if the one who loves you keeps hurting you then why stay?
Sure you feel like they hold the key to your heart
But what are you getting other than pain?
Love is the most dangerous drug
You never see it coming, but feel it the most when it's too late
Some people allow it to takeover their life
And they then believe the disrespect and negligence is the only way to find love
But you've never gotten love so everything in your eyes represents it
You don't know what satisfies you other than being with someone
Maybe that's why your feelings take their own course
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 4:08 AM UTC