She
Is a pursuer
Of Happiness.
She
Is a tornado
And when she pursues Happiness
As though It is her lover who loved her enough
To let her go,
She kicks up **** where **** doesn’t have to be
And Happiness
Is no longer curled up under her nose,
Like treasure
Waiting to be discovered.
It has scurried away
In the calm before the storm.
She
Is a Perfectionist.
She sits here
Imagining what it would be like to construct a poem
That would turn her reader’s world upside down
Or her audience
Or herself.
Because she needs a change,
A dose of anti-gravity,
A chance for her toes to dig their tiny graves in the sky
And bury themselves.
And when she is not satisfied
Like right now?
She gives up.
Though sometimes,
She does not give up.
And she continues a pattern
That we might as well all call Self-Destruction
For lack of a better name.
And she really does become a ticking time bomb.
Let her introduce you to Self-Destruction.
Self-Destruction
Is the monster in her mirror
Who, every time she gets too close,
Eats away at her.
Self-Destruction
Is her fascination with blood
And her love of bones.
Self-Destruction
Is all the stupid things
She knows she could do
If she couldn’t take it anymore.
One day she will sit down on an unsuspecting airplane,
And she will blow up.
It will start in her head.
And her eyes will quiver
Until they roll out of their sockets
And her neck will shake
Until it snaps
And her hands will twitch
Until they break off
And suddenly her head will split in half
Her whole body will split in half
And the molecules that have defined her for over fifteen years will break apart
And her infinite number of atoms
Will carry the plane down, down, down
And the passengers’ screams won’t be able to lift the plane back up like helium
And they’re screaming
And they’re screaming
And suddenly the ground magnifies in the windows
And they’re screaming
And
And—!
She believes it.
She believes one day she will lose herself
Into the abyss we call life.
Snatched away into the wind;
One second she is there,
And then,
She is not.
Oct 3, 2011
Oct 3, 2011 at 8:56 PM UTC
She is a girl
With lips that seem a tad too plump
And eyelashes that will never be long enough
And skin as white as snow.
She is a girl
Whose doe eyes are definitely hazel
But everyone sees them as brown
And she hates brown.
She is a girl
With a contradicting, yet satisfying hair color, though it may vary,
Which is never, ever shy of a genuine brown.
She is a girl
Who can’t place mind over matter
And it usually ends up matter minus mind divided by carelessness times anxiety plus self confidence to the negative twenty sixth power.
She is a girl.
Oct 3, 2011
Oct 3, 2011 at 8:54 PM UTC
did you know
that when you die,
your once glassy eyes,
who dreamed wild dreams
standing tall against
the landscape of vivid imagination,
see the sun
and the stars
and all things billions of light years
so far into the universe
that even god himself
can only stop
and stare as
you leave earth --
your hands outstretched --
like a bird flying --
you hurdle
toward heaven
headfirst,
never once
looking back?
Aug 20, 2011
Aug 20, 2011 at 4:56 PM UTC
lust is a funny thing,
it makes me feel two-faced.
one moment, i'm calm,
sitting there, smiling.
the next,
i am in your arms,
or i am on top of you,
and i am something
i have never become
before.
Aug 9, 2011
Aug 9, 2011 at 11:48 AM UTC
we moved fast,
rolled with the punches.
one moment leads directly
into the next
and before i know it,
your mouth is on mine,
and mine on yours.
it was my first kiss,
and suddenly it became my
second
third
fourth
fifth.
we probably kissed
one thousand times
today.
and with every one,
mounting up to that thousandth one,
it felt right, natural.
and your last kiss --
i remember that one especially well.
a "goodbye,"
a "we'll do this again sometime."
i could feel you wanting more,
wishing time would stop,
five more minutes, please!
and i did, too.
is it odd
that i still feel your lips on mine,
your tongue gliding along my tongue?
your hands caressing me,
in my hair,
along my back,
my hips,
my face?
i will never forget how
we built up to the ******
our noses touching playfully,
and suddenly we know
it is the time
and the time
is right.
we kiss.
i chuckle.
we kiss again.
an endless pattern --
i hope i didn't annoy you.
i still feel your arms around me,
and i am snuggled into your neck
and i am up on my tippy toes to kiss you.
it's like a ghost.
it makes me want to cry.
please,
before we are done,
let's make it one billion kisses.
Aug 8, 2011
Aug 8, 2011 at 8:14 PM UTC
i have to remind myself
that there will be a day
where you will
wake up
and not love me anymore.
Aug 1, 2011
Aug 1, 2011 at 11:44 PM UTC
Georgia.
Three years under my feet sat
Georgia.
She wasn’t my mother,
My sister,
My aunt,
Or my cousin’s best friend’s transgender brother.
Georgia
Was 59, 425 square miles of home.
Family.
A place for unconditional love to roam.
Georgia
Was familiar,
Like the smell of my mother’s perfume,
Or my oldest family heirloom.
Georgia
Stretched as wide as she could
Until one hand met the ocean
And the other held hands with Alabama,
Their history together still slightly filled with tension.
Georgia
Bumped shoulders with South Carolina,
Each unaware of the changes that were about to take place
A fifteen year long path they could never retrace.
Aug 1, 2011
Aug 1, 2011 at 2:16 PM UTC
Long auburn hair bellows behind
I’ve got so much to choose from, but I’ll just change my mind.
These hazel eyes are the mark of mystery
Yeah, once I’m famous, they’ll make some history.
Got my pencil tucked ‘hind my ear
Life for me ain’t very austere.
I’ll leave to where the wind is takin’ me
No permanent home, this is what I call free.
Gimme music or gimme death.
I never knew the taste o’ your breath.
But I don’t care.
My heart still survived ev’ry freakin’ tear.
A notebook under my arm
Yeah, y’know I’m worth three times the charm.
Let’s keep traveling, c’mon, let’s just get away.
Don’t tie me down, ‘cause I’m bound to betray.
Gawky, yeah, and not too pretty
Dude, sorry, but that’s just me.
I’ve got guitars and screaming pounding in my head.
This pain doesn’t make me wanna prove my blood is red.
Just give me sunshine and a clear blue sky
And maybe some o’ that Boston Cream Pie.
Some consider me a nerd, but I’m just as clueless as you.
Ha, I’ve got way too many library books overdue.
There’re some friendships ya just gotta reminisce.
See ya somewhere beyond this oceanic abyss.
Aug 1, 2011
Aug 1, 2011 at 2:06 PM UTC
Sensitivity
I’m a bruise
Not one thing
Could excuse
The pain I’ve felt
The blows you’ve dealt
The heartlessness
That left me crying.
Aug 1, 2011
Aug 1, 2011 at 1:59 PM UTC
If I hold on tight,
If I dig my nails in
Into my cold hands
And never let go.
If I squeeze and squeeze,
Fists clenched,
Knuckles white,
I just might be able to contain it.
Rewind the disaster, stop the explosion.
Keep the glass from shattering
And the gases from escaping.
Face my head to the midnight sky,
Arms at my side,
Stay rooted in my spot,
The stars reflecting in my eyes.
I wonder if people know
That there’s a war going on
Inside myself
Just yards outside their bedroom windows.
If they saw what was possible,
What could burn down their houses,
Crack open their skulls
Or tear off their limbs,
Would they grab their children,
Hide wherever it’s most safe,
And pray to God that it all ends soon?
A ticking time bomb
Is what I am.
Does the world end now?
Or can I fend it off for a little bit longer?
Aug 1, 2011
Aug 1, 2011 at 1:58 PM UTC