today i bought a book, bound in leather. i drew a girl's face, hidden by a mass of hair. that's the first time i've drawn in a long time but the first ever in that book. it felt good, pencil in hand.
Oct 4, 2015
Oct 4, 2015 at 11:50 PM UTC
she's a ghost, a colorful entity of refracted light. there's no special thing to her, but the curve of her lips and the dip of her back are burned into the brain. she carries shakespeare in her pocket and there's stars on her socks and she sits, curled in the large blue chair watching the television flicker and blur in the dark. she counts her blessings when clear rain hits the roof and makes a wish when the magnolia branch taps her window. in her free time, she sits back in the dark, her laptop light an illumination. the thoughts are too loud, mind jumbled, and she truly wonders if she was real. she blended in, a passive being, now a colorfully pale apparition. her color stained porcelain, now a colorless spirit, draining in the bathtub. no evidence of crimson or indigo or gold, a clean palette. like she believed, she never did exist.
Jan 30, 2015
Jan 30, 2015 at 8:46 AM UTC
sometimes when i see the moon
i like to pretend it's you
just sitting there across from me
but you're too far for me to reach
i pretend the deep black holes
are just your eyes
you see me
i can see you
but you don't speak
you haven't
not since half past two
you never speak
why is that?
are you too shy to speak to me?
that darling voice
it hides from me
and then day breaks
red fingers wake
you're gone for good
the moon's sweet face
is no longer yours
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 11:25 PM UTC
We may have had no money
But we were fit for kings.
We used to steal from thrift stores
And sell eclectic thngs.
Sure we fought over dinner
And you occasionally roared my name.
But how was I supposed to know
It would never be the same.
You ransacked my apartment
And didn't leave a dime,
And so I called the cops
I was running out of time.
But the cops found our salvia
Hidden underneath the stairs.
I should've told them it was yours
But by then I didn't care.
I punched one in the gut
And ran as fast as I could.
I may have been a bit too rough
But I was always misunderstood.
I found an eerie park
And hid behind the gate.
I lit my last cigarette
And filled my thoughts with hate.
I thought of the time you pushed me
In a puddle of sticky mud.
Or the time you wouldn't answer my calls
And my eyes began to flood.
The time you refused to meet my sister
Because she was fat and gay
And the time you left me at a funeral
Even though I pleaded you to stay.
I'd come to terms that you were no good
So I brushed off my hands,
Stretched, and stood.
I ran through the traffic
Finally a free soul.
I discovered it wasn't my life that you stole.
But rather my boundaries is what you unchained.
My walls were bashed inward
And now they're out again.
The world is ending
Before my eyes.
And there is no one else that I want to despise.
But I can't hate you now
You set me free.
The sun is dripping and
The ground moves shakily.
Buildings crumble and children scream
Mothers think it's just a dream.
But the earth splits in half
And I hope you're okay.
As we slip into darkness
On this eventful day.
I wake up in hell
Missing you dearly I cried.
Only to find that you're
Right by my side.
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 11:20 PM UTC
When I feel silenced I like to scream, scream at the top of my lungs, until I collapse and heave. My ribs are broken, every breath is painful. Why do we keep breathing when we know pain is coming? I wish I could die a sleepless death, without the pills or resorting to something overly drastic. Pills take too long and rot your insides. Bullets are just too messy and loud. But it's the breathtaking silence that gets me, when I want to take my own breath away. To stop the beating entity, I must be silent, but when I feel silent I like to scream. Screaming is not silent. It's the quiet game, let's see who will snap first. I thought I could get out, but getting out is just more of the same. The same bitter tones and sideways glances I despise with all my stretched out soul. I'm worn out from the silence, but I need to be silent to break free. Maybe if I'm quiet enough you'll forget about me and move on to bigger things like curing silence instead of succumbing to it.
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 11:18 PM UTC
Tired, tired of dreaming. You see me, standing at the cliffs. I'm watching, calculating. The spray hits rock, sending it everywhere. I move too slow for this world. I am the cold ocean spray that laps the earth and corrodes it's insides. Sometimes I wish they been wrong and the earth truly was flat, and I could drop off the end of the earth, so I could spiral the distance into a deeper and darker abyss. I lift my arms, like a bird, like the black bird. But my wing is broken and it's the dead of night and I fall into the swirling entiety. My body submerged, I cannot breathe, and the cold water consumes. It fills my souls, drowning it. I feel nothing. I can't hear you now, I can't hear your words. It's too late, your lies cannot be redeemed, my lies cannot be redeemed. My anger dissolves, as if waiting, knowing I'll be pulled from the chaos. I wait for never comes. I'm cold, a face in a sea of cherub faces, a face pale and white. A floating soul out of a thousand, sweet cherub faces of peace, accepting the fate they had concieved.
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 2:18 AM UTC
am i just a bad kid? so bad i have to yelled at and scrutinized? probably, but i can't take the pressure. my dream is to run away, to get out, but i can't even do a simple and small task that could allow this future to be possible. it's dark here, where my demons reside. i broke my streak, cut my ever lasting ribbon as it pours thinly in fraying red out of my side. it doesn't hurt, just makes me empty, hollow. i've stopped hurting, and gone straight to nothing. it's easier this way isn't it? i can hurt you, but you can't hurt me. after all how can you hurt someone that doesn't even feel at all? or really it's more like someone that's been hurt so much in every way, they know what to expect. i hurt so much and cry so much and scream so much and then it goes right back to nothing. no one believes me but i've got the bump and the crack to prove it but that's not enough because i'm a child to be dealt with and that is all. i've distanced myself, i thought i'd leave and i've decided i will. but i'm leaving for good, and that's a promise.
Oct 1, 2014
Oct 1, 2014 at 10:14 PM UTC
it's that black hole in the center of your chest, slowly taking away the things that make you different. slowly ripping the things you love most from you. you're no longer someone's somebody, you're just someone who's been camouflaged into the surroundings. the time still moves, but you're no longer seen. when someone you love, chooses something over you it's like a natural disaster. the fabric of everything known is twisted, frayed, burned up in an instant. you thought that couldn't happen, that this would last forever. well listen sweetheart, that's not true anymore. I should know because I am you.
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 5:42 PM UTC
There is no better ******* feeling than having someone forget you exist. Having someone miss your calls and ignore your texts. They turn away when you walk by. They hear you calling but look around for an escape. They forget your ******* birthday. They channel all their love for you into someone else. A stranger. You've been there for them even when they were a ***** and had no other friends. When they wanted to end their life and had no one else to talk to. When they barged into your door crying almost every night. And a ******* stranger comes into the play and I feel you slowly slipping away. You love them more. I know. Do you love me at all. If not then say so. Please. I can't take this passive agressive behavior. It's swallowing me whole. Stop pretending to know me, you don't know **** You don't know that im a jealous ***** and I'm not happy for you. I want you to leave them. But you seem so content. So much more hopeful than you ever were with me by your side. I hate hate hate watching you two. It hurts. There's a heaving in my chest. I'm just done. Go be happy.
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 5:36 PM UTC
I am from plaid couches and plastic covers
that squeak and rip.
I am from ***** pool tiles and loud pool cleaners
humming, humming.
I am from the back street littered with fallen leaves
and cracked tar.
I’m from “the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.”
I’m from “and also with you,” rattling around large stained glass,
like coins in a jar.
(loud rattling, coughing,
crying children, flipping pages)
I’m from long car rides with music blasting,
windows rolled down.
I’m from Tool, Wings, Metallica.
I’m from the Beatles, Foo Fighters,
and that “obscure” Indie band
that Walks the Moon.
I’m from sitting with my Dad,
whistling the X-Files theme song
the title sequence plays
I’m from totally shipping Mulder and Scully
before it was cool.
(actually it still isn’t cool)
I’m from “that’s my girl”, and “you’re my favorite”.
I’m from Joan and Beedee and tall,
bright flowers
and trees from a magic green thumb.
I’m from “Good Old Texas”
and large Texan stars,
and tall cowboy boots.
I’m from a ***** canvas, covered in thick paint
it hangs so somberly.
As if as old as my great grandmother
who placed it on the wall.
I’m from a family spl it in two.
I’m still from that large house down the street.
I’m still from that small apartment,
with the map on the wall.
Bright red pins stuck in that wall,
on cities with names I've memorized.
My family tree expands,
a large oak with strong roots,
and weak branches.
I am from a tree with two branches to fill.
It does not end with me.
I am from the cities far away from here,
Art filled cities that my children will see.
I am from the murals
written and drawn across the town.
These cities will be our newer,
stronger branch upon the family tree.
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 11:38 PM UTC