i thought i knew exactly what it meant
to have found a person who makes you feel whole
to want so badly for them to be near
to ache for their touch or a fleeting glance
or simply to hear their voice
i've written and sung and told tall tales
of love both lost and found
but nothing has ever come close
to the words i write for you
for you are magnificently strange, wonderfully infuriating,
absolutely maddening, and unconsciously kind
you consistently captivate every crevice of my soul
unknowingly pulling me closer and closer
and one day, i'm sure,
you'll pull me right into your arms
and all will be well
Dec 2, 2020
Dec 2, 2020 at 11:48 AM UTC
i'm not entirely sure where to begin.
is it practical to discuss the lack of contact we've had? how we fit the mold of "perpetual estrangement" like Wentworth and Anne? do i dare make that connection since they end up together and we, sadly, didn't?
do i speak about how i thought we were a waste of time? or how i changed my mind and decided that i needed us in order to grow? do i mention that i miss you? that i have to force myself not to text you when i drink too much or smell a rose?
do i mention that my sister found your old perfume in my closest and decided to wear it? that my home smelt of you for weeks and i ached for you?
or do i mention that i know you're going through a hard time based on what i've seen on social media? that i can still read you, even when given the most minute details?
i'm still not entirely sure where we stand or how you feel.
it's 5 years later and i still feel the same, but things are different now.
Oct 4, 2020
Oct 4, 2020 at 10:32 PM UTC
there is no privacy anymore
tinker with your settings,
imaginary dragons, but to no true avail,
your scathing privacy has since sailed,
only to return for another sinking
what you forgot,
is very well remembered
in a some very overlooked place
see me in my summer camp class photo,
blonde crew cut and goofiest of grins,
find my poems of eons ago,
in living tricolor,
to my now better understood
"eternal" embarrassment,
they writ on, vainly looking
for a way to enjoy a
natural unnatural aging,
a wordlessly, self-destructing death
on a someday,
though the probability is that
someone's gigabytes
will cloud store them forevermore
because accumulation is
cheap and easy and
whatever
everything you need but didn't want,
the tangled webs, births and deaths,
multiple divorces and successes,
ancestors, progenitors,
children who no longer acknowledge
parenthood,
the detritus of lives writ even larger than the
original reality life show
confrontation tween my suppression
of long term memories that
are dangling participles,
going gone being been,
confusion resultant in
the tenses of existence,
I was therefore I still must be
but no longer
the me
I pretended to be
*there is no privacy anymore,
especially,
not even from thine own
prying eyes and faulty memories...*
when they ask what is my name,
to better trace my leavings,
I will
like Jehovah to Moses respond,
I Am that I Am
(אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה, ehyeh ašer ehyeh)
Jun 29, 2020
Jun 29, 2020 at 3:55 PM UTC
I sit here, four years later, and I know in my heart we will end up together. For now, I must simply endure until I finally inherit the day where I can look into your eyes and see my "reflection" once more.
You have all my "also's"...and you always will.
Jun 17, 2020
Jun 17, 2020 at 11:56 PM UTC
I love you and I want to scream it into your face-
bury my words into your neck and drown in your scents-
I want to grab you and say:
"Hey you there, you beautiful, amazing, wonderfully **** girl, I think you are the person I'm meant to be with forever. I think you are my soul mate. I want to live with you and experience you always. You make my life so much happier. I would give my life for you."
But instead, I simply stay silent.
submissively staring into nothingness
and nodding along to our conversation.
i love you so much angelica. i want you to be mine for always.
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 10:01 PM UTC
I used to sit and text you for hours
we could discuss every possible event
endlessly mentioning every part of our lives
nothing bored, nothing planned, nothing forced
everything came from a place of genuine emotion
I remember how happy and safe this made me felt
it was almost two years ago when we learned to dance
not only with each other in public
but also to dance around topics
to dance around what we were
to dance around our emotions
to dance around using words like "Kiss"
and now we are dancing together again
at all the parties and in all of our conversations
everything is blissful
no one mentions the history
no one mentions the emotions
we pretend we are new again
we pretend we don't know how this will end
we are not bored, not planned, not forced
everything is coming from the genuine emotions we have
but I don't maintain happiness
I don't feel safe anymore.
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 5:28 PM UTC
you turned me into wet cement and pressed your hands in deep
you tightened them around my heart and gently started to squeeze
I never noticed your tight grasp, for you only caused a sprain
until one day you squeezed too much, I felt a twang of pain
which led me to push your hand away, remove you from my soul
and now the only pain I feel is the pain of being alone
because even though you broke my heart at least you squeezed it so.
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 5:17 PM UTC
the day has come
my reflection no longer shines, it only exists
it clouds up the object it covers
i still look in your eyes
searching for the answers
the ones i used to find so easily
but now i have trouble
discerning what you want me to see
understanding the things i see when i look in your eyes
i no longer see hope or fear
i no longer see anything
i no longer find clarity in my reflection
especially when it's in your eyes
you no longer want me "also"
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 6:37 AM UTC
he makes you smile, you make me grin
he makes you laugh, you make my heart sing
he makes you feel, you make me cry
he broke your heart, and so did i
and for that, i'm sorry
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 6:28 AM UTC
you ask if it's okay
if it's wrong, if i'm fine
i say it's alright
and again i'm too kind
so you speak his name
of the new love you'll find
because you've moved on
left your feelings behind
you say you still care
"also"...you remind
but our hearts are still broken
our lives still entwined
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 6:25 AM UTC