i feel this empty cavern in my chest
it's not a new feeling
only this time it's for a different reason
i know i can't be with him
i've tried this all before
gone through all this pain already
i thought i learned my lesson
about falling for him
about letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship
i'm sorry
i know that i mess things up
i'm sorry that i can't be the perfect friend
i'll try to be better
to not let this happen again
i promise
so please
don't leave
don't leave me
not now
not when i need you the most
Mar 9, 2020
Mar 9, 2020 at 2:12 PM UTC
I'm falling
Falling apart piece by piece
Soon enough there won't be anything left
I won't be recognizable
I'll only be pieces of myself
Pieces that won't come back together
No matter how hard I try
I can't ever be my full self again
Not the one my mom wants back
Not the one my family remembers
But only pieces
Broken pieces
Pieces that no one wants
Pieces that dont glue back together
I fell myself falling
And there's no stopping it now
Feb 6, 2020
Feb 6, 2020 at 3:02 PM UTC
my mom placed me on suicide watch last night
she said that she's scared of what i'll do
what i'll do if i'm pushed too far
she told me that she's concerned
for my well-being
that i have too much on my plate
i told her that she was wrong
that i'm fine
no need to worry
but
as the day goes on
i'm starting to worry too.
today i put myself on suicide watch
because who knows what i'll do
when i'm pushed to the edge
Feb 6, 2020
Feb 6, 2020 at 3:00 PM UTC
She told me it was her heart
Something was wrong with it
That she needed to see the doctor.
She said that everything would be okay
And not to worry.
She’s really sick now
She can barely breathe
I tell her not to give up
To keep fighting
Keep pushing.
To look death in the eye and tell him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.
She laughs
And tells me that when it’s her time, she’ll know
She thinks it’s soon
I’m not ready.
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 12:35 AM UTC
Death takes the beautiful ones
The ones with the purest souls
The ones who aren’t quite done living
The ones who didn’t deserve it
Death takes without remorse
Death doesn’t leave a note
An explanation
He takes
And never gives
Death has taken from me
Many times
This time
It’s too many
Too many gone
In a short time period
She was so young
So excited for the future
And now...
She’s gone.
Death took her like he took the rest
Suddenly and without warning
And her...
She’s ready to give up the fight
To let death win
Let him win the race of life
The race that not only leaves you breathless
But with a tight feeling in your chest
One that never leaves.
Death inevitably wins
As this is one race, that humans have no chance in winning.
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 12:32 AM UTC
I want you
He wants you
You want me
But you're scared
Scared of what your parents will say
Scared of the people at school
Scared of hurting me
Scared of yourself.
I want you
So bad
And I know you want this too
So whats stopping you?
Who says you can't be mine?
May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019 at 2:02 PM UTC
I'm scared,
Scared that I'll go off the deep end.
Scared that I'll do something I regret.
Scared that I'll hurt the ones I love.
But life....
Life is hard right now.
Life is definitely not on my side at the moment.
I have so much stress
Way too much for a highschool student.
So yeah,
I'm scared,
And this time my friends are too.
May 8, 2019
May 8, 2019 at 3:56 PM UTC
I get it.
You've known her longer.
Been friends longer.
And I'm just a passing phase.
Just a play thing.
Something to get your mind off of her.
I get it.
But it hurts.
It hurts to know that I'll never be yours.
And you mine.
It hurts that she's my bestfriend.
Who hides nothing from me.
And surely didn't hide this.
I see the looks you give her.
The ones you don't give me.
I see the lingering touches.
So yeah I get it.
Just don't break her heart like you broke mine.
May 8, 2019
May 8, 2019 at 3:51 PM UTC
I'm not sorry for wanting to protect myself.
I'm not sorry for focussing on my health.
I'm not sorry that you're upset.
I'm sorry that I stayed so long.
I'm sorry that I let you do what you did.
I'm sorry that I let you lay your hands on me.
But no I'm not sorry that it's over.
I'm not sorry about what I said or did.
I'm not sorry for loving you.
But I'm sorry that I loved you for so long.
So no I'm not sorry.
May 8, 2019
May 8, 2019 at 3:46 PM UTC
Somedays I feel like a stranger in my own body.
I feel like I'm imposing on someone else.
Somedays I can't even look in the mirror.
Afraid that I'll see what I know is there.
Somedays I don't want to leave my house.
Scared that someone will notice what I'm trying to hide.
Somedays I don't want to be here.
Feeling like a burden to people that I love.
Somedays my body is not my own.
And I don't think I'll ever get it back.
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 3:01 PM UTC