Are you okay? That’s what they ask and how can I say yes when my world becomes a dream.
That I’m safer in this made up mind game than I am when I’m back in reality?
Right now it’s a game of either try to survive depression and thoughts that break me
Or stay in a place that isn’t meant for me or anyone.
Are you okay, they ask? I say when I’m not me I feel safe;
When I get brought back to this earth is the time I have to be careful with every move.
My mind is trying to save me but also to make me disappear.
Either I’m too out of it to do anything or too sad to want to do anything.
Apr 27
Apr 27, 2026 at 9:45 PM UTC
I know a movie character who I relate to to the point that it's my comfort movie.
Trying to make people want to live while trying to escape the world at the same time.
He tries to hide his secrets to make sure no one has to worry about what comes next.
The difference between me and him is that he died at the end of the movie due to his battle that he wasn’t prepared to fight.
“Sometimes I go blank. I get into these dark moods and I think too fast to keep track of anything. Then it's like all my thoughts are gone at once.”
It's one of the most memorable quotes he says during the whole movie because sometimes it happens to me.
He is my comfort character but not because he is positive or cozy;
Only that he matches how I feel when I can't control my emotions.
I can't stop myself from going blank and all the times start to blend all together.
I turn on the movie to feel less alone;
I read the book over and over.
I know a movie character who I wish I didn’t see myself in but he's the only one that truly understands how hard it is.
The difference between me and him is that I'm here and he died.
I hope I get to make peoples life better and worth it for them to keep on living even in the darkest moments.
That's what he taught me to do.
Apr 27
Apr 27, 2026 at 9:41 PM UTC
When the day finally comes and i close my eyes for the last time.
I hope my memories of this night replay in my head.
That the last breath of air was spent on saying the words that you told me.
“I love you until I can’t anymore”
The look you gave me would make anyone cry as I say it for the final time.
Nov 12, 2024
Nov 12, 2024 at 1:02 PM UTC
The day he almost died.
The pill bottles look too pleasing to be alone.
He decide to hold them one more time.
Wondering if it’s worth lasting until tomorrow.
He put them down as the pills screamed to be picked up again.
Next year it happened again.
This time the voices came from a dangerous blade.
He was so close but too afraid of leaving everyone alone.
So he stayed another night.
Aug 15, 2024
Aug 15, 2024 at 11:42 PM UTC
They were together for a long time,
Both two scared to leave the other.
Wondering if love was supposed to feel this way.
Not wanting to come home to the other .
Hoping the feeling would change but it never did.
They thought they were soulmates and didn’t want to hurt the other.
Until one day when they realized that their heart broke more being together than being apart.
Aug 11, 2024
Aug 11, 2024 at 10:35 PM UTC
I tried coffee again after a long time.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like it was all the memores wrapped up in one cup.
She drank it every morning and kissed me goodbye.
The taste still on my lips and the caffeine running into my vines.
Wishing for more coffee just to remind myself of her.
I tried coffee again but this time it was different.
No more rushing feelings just plain old taste in my mouth.
I wonder if the taste ever reminds her of mornings with me.
Of what life could have been if she didn’t leave.
Aug 4, 2024
Aug 4, 2024 at 6:13 PM UTC
I miss you when I shouldn't.
I love you when I can't.
Everyone says you are bad for me but I don't believe it.
How can you make me feel this good but be this toxic?
I need to know what's going on because I tried giving you up but it's too hard.
Just maybe you can enter my life one more time.
Jul 12, 2024
Jul 12, 2024 at 5:17 PM UTC
It's going to be ok.
Don't worry too much.
There isnt much you can do but I know you will try your best.
Some days you will want to run away from your own mind.
Im here to tell you that you won't be able too.
You can't run away from the bad but you can try to stop it.
Take a pill and hope it doesn't make you want to sleep your day away.
At least if you're fast asleep then nothing will hurt you.
Do you choose to stay awake by yourself or drug yourself to sleep every night?
Jul 10, 2024
Jul 10, 2024 at 5:12 PM UTC
I gave her my heart over and over.
Hoping that nothing bad would happen.
Not thinking of how everything can go away in seconds.
My heart was pulled out my chest and stepped on with no regret.
I gave her my heart over and over,
Hoping it would be my last time.
Not knowing my heart would be damaged for ever.
Jul 8, 2024
Jul 8, 2024 at 5:04 PM UTC
I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.
Jul 8, 2024
Jul 8, 2024 at 4:42 PM UTC