I dreamt of you again last night.
I do not remember a single moment of the dream in detail.
The thoughts discussed and the actions taken are all a muddled blur.
I do remember that you hugged me.
I remember the feel of your arms wrapping around me.
My head resting on your chest.
The warmth emanating off of you.
The softness of your shirt.
Every fake moment of it, is etched into my mind.
I remember the feeling so deeply, that even now, wide awake and alone in a room I can feel your arms around me.
Oct 24, 2022
Oct 24, 2022 at 9:30 AM UTC
The thought of writing how I feel makes my skin burn.
My heart races in my chest and it becomes hard to breathe.
I used to write every day.
The words would flow out in this never-ending stream.
I wonder what changed?
I wonder why I am so scared to put how I feel into words the way I used to.
Will I ever be able to turn feelings into eloquent writing again?
The way I used to or at least tried to...
May 27, 2021
May 27, 2021 at 12:33 AM UTC
The past year I've reached a level of happiness I use to never think possible.
It's like I've become content with myself and life.
Yet lately I've begun to feel off.
My anxiety has begun to creep back up and is spilling out of me.
I'm losing my calm.
I can't stop overthinking.
Every conversation I have, every action I make echoes through my mind on a loop.
I'm scared to go to work.
Scared to speak at school.
Terrified my boyfriend is going to leave me.
And why?
I have no clue.
It won't stop.
I can't calm down.
I feel like I can't breathe and all I want is a cigarette.
Something I quit over a year ago.
I'm craving it the way I normally crave alcohol.
Like it's an overwhelming desire I can't bottle down.
I can't stop thinking.
I want it to stop.
I want to calm down.
I want to smoke.
And I can't.
I really don't know what to do.
F**k Anxiety.
Nov 2, 2019
Nov 2, 2019 at 12:19 AM UTC
I’ve been in love before, that’s no secret.
I’ve felt love so intense I couldn’t fathom it ever ending.
Then you appeared.
I couldn’t get you out of my head.
Nothing about being with you, nothing about understanding you was simple and easy.
But every second talking to you, sitting next to you was more than simple and easy.
I’ve found so much peace inside myself.
So much love and happiness.
I’m happier than I’ve been in years.
That’s owed to you.
Your smile is my anchor.
I finally was able to stop the madness in my mind and just live.
And on the bad days I have you next to me, loving me, taking care of me when I need it.
Loving you is peaceful.
It’s like floating in still water.
We are so different.
Nothing about who we are on paper should work.
Yet, we do.
We work perfectly.
Through our differences you push me out of my comfort zone.
I’ve learned, evolved, and changed for the better.
You’re one of the best things to ever cross my path.
Because of that I think I’ll love you forever.
Aug 8, 2018
Aug 8, 2018 at 4:59 PM UTC
They say the eyes are the windows to your soul and that is nothing but true.
Through someone’s eyes you can see it all.
The glare of anger.
A sparkle of happiness.
True surprise.
Intense sorrow.
And worst of all when you look into someone’s eyes and see nothing.
No emotions.
A blank slate.
An empty shell.
The eyes of someone filled with too many years of pain.
I’m tired of seeing those eyes in every mirror I turn to.
Aug 6, 2018
Aug 6, 2018 at 12:05 AM UTC
It’s my birthday and I feel nothing.
Every year I watch people anticipate their birthdays.
As a kid there’s so much excitement.
As an adult there’s so much dread.
There’s the glorious sweet sixteens.
The exciting turn of being an adult at eighteen.
You turn twenty one and are
completely legal.
It’s a celebration.
A cause for happiness, gifts, parties, and so much more.
It’s a holiday just for you.
Yet year after year I’ve felt nothing.
I feel nothing.
It’s a day to remember for most.
A day I’ve always wished would go away.
I feel as though I have to fake my way through this day.
Pretend I feel the same.
In my eyes it’s just the same as every other day.
Birthdays are meaningless to me.
May 28, 2018
May 28, 2018 at 2:21 AM UTC
You make eternity feel like a matter of seconds.
Sitting next to you feels like I'm frozen in time.
Nov 9, 2017
Nov 9, 2017 at 12:45 PM UTC
I've changed because of you.
So much about me has changed.
I'm not even sure who I was before I had you.
I'm not even sure if I want to be her again.
I've grown so confident.
So calm.
I've developed patience and honesty.
I know who I am, and have accepted myself.
I enduldge in the things I love and don't hide what those things are.
I've matured and learned how to love in a truly healthy way.
I no longer rely on others.
I don't need someone in my life to take care of me any longer.
Though just because I don't need doesn't mean I don't want.
I can't imagine living through a day without talking to you.
Without proving how much I love you and want you in my life.
You're apart of every part of my world.
Everything about the person I've become has been supported by you.
I want to live the rest of my life spending everyday being influenced by you.
Maturing with you.
Changing with you.
Being in love with you.
However I've lost you..
The one constant I will never want to give up.
I just pray that one day I'll get you back.
The world dulls more and more each day without you by my side.
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 10:55 AM UTC
How could I possibly explain to you the things you do to my mind.
I get overwhelmed with love from one single look.
A thousand butterflies swarm through my stomach when I hear your voice.
And you always leave me stuck smiling.
A smile that could never fade.
Except.
When you start doing what you've grown so good at.
This beloved new pattern of yours.
We make plans.
This means, we have an agreement.
We've struck an accord.
I have your word.
A word that is beginning to mean less and less.
You've ditched me.
Again.
That's all I'm left here thinking.
I've been ditched.
Discarded.
Forgotten until another moment.
You try so hard.
That's what matters most right?
That you're trying?
That you love me?
I love you.
So tell me why I can't get it out of my mind...
I've been ditched.
My insecurities are screaming at me that I don't mean enough to be remembered.
You continuously tell me otherwise.
Yet, that is what I am stuck believing.
How could I possibly explain to you the things you do to my mind.
I've been ditched.
And you are no where to be found.
Aug 17, 2017
Aug 17, 2017 at 7:17 PM UTC
I love you the way I love a new book and paint covered hands.
I crave you the way I crave tea on a star filled night.
I need you the way I need to dance in the rain on a hot day.
I miss you more than anything I have to compare.
Jul 12, 2017
Jul 12, 2017 at 5:45 AM UTC