Why do I lash out?
Whipping the rest of the world with my tongue and with my fist?
Wrecking those I hold close?
Willing to change but never quite making it.
Because I'm scared.
I'm afraid of myself and of others.
Of what I'm capable of and what I'm not.
Of what I see and what I'm blinded to.
Of living too much or not at all.
I'm scared of what's inside me.
Of what resides there, laying in wait to take me away.
Or maybe there's nothing inside of me.
No reason for my pain or anger.
What scares me most of all is exposing it to the world. The truth.
I'm a fraud. I'm not strong. I'm not clever. I'm not all that.
No matter how quickly my lips will move to tell you that I am.
No matter how quickly I'll try and silence those who say that I'm not.
That's what I'm afraid of.
That I'll look inside myself and find nothing.
And that you'll do the same.
Aug 23, 2017
Aug 23, 2017 at 2:59 PM UTC
Who are we to be brave?
Strutting against a rhyme scheme or a meter or form.
Fighting against a current that tides us all in. Endlessly.
Maybe patterns arise and patterns and patterns.
Adding and subtracting memories broken apart or together by the mind.
Maybe they don't.
Maybe we're left wondering what the **** happened to us, or thereabouts.
But whatever happened happened and that shouldn't matter.
Or maybe it should.
It doesn't matter.
Maybe it's ok to live in the future or the past or the present.
Maybe it's up to us to choose two.
Maybe it's not up to us at all.
So is life a wheel? Endlessly turning and spinning towards the next destination.
Or is it a block? Where sometimes we push and heave and can't budge it forwards.
It towers over us as we dent our hands and our shoulders and our foreheads trying to shift it, trying to ease it out of the dirt, trying and trying and trying.
All we can see is where we stand and where we've been.
Is fear ok then?
Fear is always ok.
It's the second strongest emotion.
Sometimes fear is the bravest thing we can do.
And so, standing against this block, heaving with everything I have, my feet digging down into the dirt beneath me I want to say with great fear and wavering that I love you and that I want to push forwards until it doesn't hurt to look back.
Aug 23, 2017
Aug 23, 2017 at 2:32 PM UTC
We all think we're sane
Until the madness arises
Then we feel the pain
And we remove our disguises
May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 7:26 PM UTC
You’re soft. Smooth.
And yet you want me to break you.
You want my hands engraving red marks into your skin.
Your sweet, soft skin.
I cannot.
But not because I don’t want to.
May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 9:17 AM UTC
Why does your voice bring me pain?
Not a harsh pain, dancing on my nerves
And causing flinching feelings
But something numbing
Like the feeling from my hands has drained
The colour darkening
Light fading
Heart slowing
Bitter sighs in the wind subsided by no tears
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 9:04 AM UTC
I am afraid
That your love will cease
Like breath on a windscreen
Fading through a grey hue
Back into the background
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 8:58 AM UTC
I lie in an empty bed in an empty room.
A chasm of words beneath me, screaming out.
The silence subsided from the ebb and flow of my thoughts.
My bitter thoughts.
May 6, 2015
May 6, 2015 at 4:20 PM UTC
Broken chords
Torn heartstrings
Inspiring pain
Numbness
The wail of the electric guitar
The slow pulse of the drums
The monotony of the Bass
The slow bleeding of the singer
The music seeps out
Coalescing
Clashing
Conflicting
I see no end, only music
Music that slows time
Music that surrounds
Music that traps
A shared understanding
An outlook on the universe
A fear
Sadness
Poetic
Aug 31, 2014
Aug 31, 2014 at 4:44 PM UTC
The rain sings its melancholy sonata
Cold rhythms on the window
Wanting nothing
Living only to fall
Yet reflected in the eyes of dreamers
Caught up in a lovers wasteland
Excused as pathetic, as fallacious
Feared for its callousness
The wind humming, indifferent
The clouds forming, dark and fearful
Brooding over the greyed universe
Obscuring the sun, the light, the peaceful warmth
Leaving solitude and oppression
Leaving fears of fate and significance
Leaving drops in lovers’ eyes
And gleams in lovers’ tears
A lonely rowboat lies on a dock
Beaten by the stormy rain
Afraid to sail and tethered to the wooden quay
Held there only by a frayed knot
Maybe it will make it through the storm
Maybe it will see the shining sun
The gleaming water
The harmonious songs of fishermen
But maybe it will sink
Drowned by the noise and the ferocity and the fearful wrath of the storm
The tempest
Rage
Maybe it will succumb
Maybe its fears will sink it
Lost to a grey world
Drifting forevermore
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 7:23 PM UTC