My heart is withered;
thin and gaunt.
The chambers hollow and empty.
There is only so much pain
A person can beat against
Before begging for some rest
For the heart to stop.
To no longer have to fight
this never ending battle.
And have death's sweet embrace
May 24, 2022
May 24, 2022 at 6:55 PM UTC
Hey
[Didn't get much sleep.
Spent most of the night doing research
Finding the most effective way to die
Weighing up all the variables;
people that will be hurt
possibility of failure
hope for something unknown]
Just tired
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 2:45 PM UTC
Happiness has always been elusive
Fleeting like a crisp breeze.
Randomly uncontrollable and untamable,
but enjoyable when rarely experienced.
But that is not entirely true.
Wallowing here in my bed,
shut off from all that exists
drowning myself in my own darkness:
I am much less likely to find that breeze
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 2:41 PM UTC
Ah Ben, haven't seen you in so long
Hey man, how you doing?
Good thanks, how are you?
Okay thanks, how's everything going?
Yeah alright, how about you?
Can't complain, what's happening?
Nothing much, what's new with you?
I guess life has become a real burden
Really thinking about killing myself
Cool
Cool
Well nice to see you
Same I guess
Mar 21, 2019
Mar 21, 2019 at 2:53 PM UTC
I lay peacefully in bed, resting my heavy eyes
Eager to meet that long yearned for sweet slumber.
A heavy drop strikes my chest:
"Have I isolated myself all this time?"
It came out of nowhere, so unassuming
I'm certain I will drift off soon, it was nothing.
But then another. Such a sudden piercing discomfort:
"Everything about life is exhausting"
Oh god, here we go again.
The heavens open releasing a downpour of darkness
It crushes my chest with such ferocity
and destroys any hope or will that dared to linger
I try to resist, hoping I will make it through
But who am I kidding, I'm going to drown before I fall asleep
The pressure building is so intense.
My heart is going to explode any second.
I need shelter.
I jump up, get my phone
and sink into the soothing mind-numbing videos of YouTube
My little multicolored umbrella to forget about the rain
Even if only for a few solitary hours.
Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 4:01 PM UTC
I am told that I see with a distorted view.
Something that is a part of me but separate
causing me to focus on the worst parts of life.
And I am tempted to believe what they say.
Though there is never a denial to the darkness,
merely stating that I don't see enough of the light.
Could it be that people focus only on the light
Blissfully unaware to all that is so terrible
Does that mean I see what others do not,
That it is everyone else who is truly in the dark?
Now obviously one of those two is more appealing
But I am not as interested in comfort as I am in truth
If the reality of this world is so harsh
How sad is it that there is a need to turn away
Look the other way from all the pain and suffering
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 4:28 AM UTC
Trudging through life, every step more of a burden
Carrying the thick and heavy tar that is a part of me
Making the smallest movements exhausting.
All I want is sleep: clean neverending restful sleep
Constantly waiting for that sweet demise
It has become a romantic notion
Something I long for like a soul mate
Death will cover me in his warmth.
Mar 22, 2018
Mar 22, 2018 at 5:10 PM UTC
I met a man today;
A strange man by most standards.
You see, he loves to build miniature worlds
Where trains rush past the intricately painted men and women.
He explained how he would continue long into the early hours
Creating whatever his mind would dare to imagine.
And I felt the purest forms of envy I have known.
All I wish is to find that sort of passion
Something to bring me that joy
That I willingly give the hours of my life.
How wonderful it would be
To find what I am searching for.
Apr 23, 2017
Apr 23, 2017 at 3:48 PM UTC
Seeing her is like returning to a city where you used to live.
You loved that city and always will
There is something about it that will always feel like home
and you secretly hope you find that city again:
To embrace everything that brought you such bliss.
But when you find yourself facing her at last,
the guilt of your crimes returns.
When you dishonored something so beautiful.
You have lost the privilege to enjoy
the place which gave you nothing but hope
and revealed to you the love that can be found in the world.
Even if the city welcomes you back with the softest smile
You can not risk causing any more harm.
You do not trust yourself
around the only person you ever loved.
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017 at 10:44 AM UTC
For some reason, I continue scrolling
Cringing slightly as I see the couples daily pre-wedding countdown
With some posed picture and inspirational words
I don't understand how someone can live like that
Searching for likes as a sense of accomplishment
With staged insights into theatrical lives
Yet,
I am the one still scrolling
Jan 29, 2017
Jan 29, 2017 at 2:53 PM UTC